You probably feel you know your teen pretty well. You know how they act around family and friends, and the kind of person they are when they walk through the door after school. Then you discover they’ve said something online that doesn’t sound like them at all.
That contrast can leave you confused and worried, wondering where that side of them came from. This online behavior is known as online disinhibition in teens, and understanding why it happens can help you make sense of what’s going on with your teen.
Online disinhibition can also be a sign of something more serious, which is why this page focuses on the steps you can take to make sure your teen gets the right support.
We’ll cover:
Disinhibition is described as a loss of the usual checks on behavior, where someone acts in ways that go against the social rules they’d normally follow.[1] It can happen in any area of life, but it is a factor online too, where it’s known as the online disinhibition effect. In simple terms, it means people will say and do things online that they wouldn’t say or do in person.[2]
Online disinhibition, which you might also see referred to as digital disinhibition, works in two very different ways:
Disinhibition online is often seen as a negative behavior, but it can also present in more positive ways. Some people find it easier to open up about their feelings online, and some show unusual kindness or generosity to others.[2]
For your teen, the online world might be the first place they feel able to talk about what’s going on in their lives. In fact, you may have even seen it yourself, like when your teen tells you something important over text rather than in person. That’s an example of benign disinhibition at work.
This is the kind we’ve probably all experienced at some point, and it tends to be the side that worries parents the most. Toxic disinhibition is when the loosening of restraint turns into rude language, aggression, or even threats to others.[2] It’s the type of behavior that can land a teen in trouble with friends and sometimes even the authorities.
Toxic online disinhibition in teens might look like:[2]
If you’ve caught your child acting poorly online, you’re probably wondering where this behavior comes from. In real life, they may be well-mannered and behave themselves, yet when they sit down in front of a screen, that all changes.
Research into internet anonymity psychology describes a number of different factors that go into this, with four of them especially useful for parents to understand.
Anonymous online behavior can feel disconnected from real-world consequences. When your teen feels anonymous, what they do online can feel separate from the rest of their life. It’s almost like they can become a different version of themselves.[2]
Many social media platforms let users post under a username rather than their real name, so your teen could create a persona they think can’t be linked back to them. This is the kind of setting where social media disinhibition could take hold.
Part of what makes online disinhibition so easy to slip into is that your teen may not see the face of the person reading their comments. When communication is text-based, it’s easy to miss the non-verbal cues, like a frown or a sigh, that signal a comment has gone too far.
In one experiment with young adults, lack of eye contact was the biggest factor behind toxic disinhibition among those tested.[3] This is why digital communication behavior can feel so different from talking in person. Your teen might not realize how a message landed with the other person because they never saw their reaction to it.
Your teen can post something hurtful to another person and log off before seeing how anyone reacts, almost like an emotional hit-and-run.[2] Delayed feedback can make people feel less restrained about what they say online.[2]
At school, there are teachers on hand if anything gets out of hand, and at home there’s you, but many online spaces have no adults watching over how things unfold. When there’s no clear authority figure, your teen might feel more free to speak out and misbehave.[2]
Adults experience online disinhibition too, but the way the teen brain develops can make teens more prone to this behavior.
The prefrontal cortex, which handles things like planning and good decision-making, is one of the last parts of the brain to mature. This means the part of the brain that might stop your teen before they hit send on a hurtful message is still very much a work in progress.[4]
There’s also a strong desire to impress others at this age. Friendships and peer approval are one of the most important things to your teen, and that can lead them to take more risks.[4]
Research has found that the presence of peers increases risk-taking in adolescents.[5] In the online world, this could translate to posting something harmful in order to gain ‘likes’ from and impress others.
In fact, a brain imaging study found that receiving lots of internet ‘likes’ activated the same reward circuits that respond to winning money.[6] When teens in the same study viewed photos of risky behavior, activity dropped in areas linked to self-control.[6]
Taken together, these factors help to explain why a post or comment that gets a big reaction can encourage your teen to push things further next time.
Mission Prep is here to help you or your loved one take the next steps towards an improved mental well-being.
Finding out your teen has been reckless or rude online can be upsetting, but the response that helps most starts with understanding.
Online disinhibition in teens is easier to work through when your teen feels able to talk to you.
It’s often more productive to open a conversation with them that stays calm and feels more like a normal chat, rather than start with punishment.[7]
It can help to ask what was going on for them when they posted, rather than leading with what they did wrong. Understanding why they acted out is a key part of helping them change.
Set clear expectations about respectful online behavior. Explain that liking, sharing, or adding to a hurtful post can contribute to cyberbullying, even if your teen didn’t create the original post.[8]
Taking devices away can feel like the obvious best move, but research suggests there’s a better approach. Talking with your teen about their online lives, known as active mediation, has been linked with reduced cyberbullying, while strict restrictions, like taking away access, showed no clear link.[9]
This could be as easy as asking what’s been happening in their favorite group chat or asking which social media platform is the most popular at the moment. It’s a non-evasive way to monitor how your child is conducting themselves online.
You might be wondering whether your teen’s behavior is a normal part of growing up online or a sign of something more.
It’s true that online disinhibition has been described as pervasive.[2] It’s common among teens and adults, and is part of online activity.
What matters more is whether the behavior presents itself away from the screen and in other situations. A teen who’s occasionally harsh in a group chat is in a very different situation from a teen whose impulsive behavior is affecting every part of their life.
It may be worth paying closer attention if your teen is showing the following signs:[10][11][12]
If you’re seeing several of these at home or school as well as online, it’s worth trying to explore the causes. There are some mental health conditions that can help explain this behavior. For example:[10][11][13]
This is why a professional assessment is important if you notice any of these signs, as it can help build a clearer picture of what is happening.
Mission Prep provides treatment for teens experiencing various mental health conditions. Mental Health support is a phone call away – call 866-901-4047 to learn about your treatment options.
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If the way your teen is acting both online and offline makes you uneasy, that instinct is worth listening to, and Mission Prep Teen Treatment is here to help you make sense of it.
We provide thorough assessments to understand what’s driving your teen’s behavior and whether further support could be beneficial. We offer various levels of care for teens across the U.S., living with conditions such as:
Our expert therapists use evidence-based approaches like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which helps teens notice the thinking behind impulsive reactions. Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) also helps build skills for handling intense emotions and conflict, so they can learn to pause before they react.
Mission Prep Teen Treatment accepts insurance and is in-network with most major providers. We are happy to help you check your insurance coverage for mental health care.
Learn about our admissions process online or call 866-901-4047 to speak with a caring member of our team who can answer any questions you might have. Reach out for a free, no-obligation conversation.
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