Most friendships do not feel good all the time. Teens fall out with their friends, become jealous, hurt each other’s feelings, and sometimes need time apart.
But toxic teen friendships typically involve more persistent patterns of control or emotional harm than the occasional disagreement. A teen may start feeling anxious before seeing a friend or constantly worry about upsetting them. A teen in this situation may not talk about it at home, so it can be hard for parents to know what’s going on in their child’s social life.
Teens who can tell normal friendship conflict from an unhealthy pattern are better able to decide whether a relationship needs communication and boundaries or needs to end altogether. This article covers:
The term “toxic friendship” is usually used to describe a relationship that repeatedly leaves someone feeling controlled or emotionally unsafe. Unhealthy teen friendships may involve:
Research on teen friendships shows that behaviors intended to damage someone’s relationships or social standing, also known as relational aggression, were associated with negative friendship quality.[1] This can contribute to depressive symptoms later in adolescence.[2]
This doesn’t mean that one rude comment makes someone a toxic friend. But observing patterns and learning friendship red flags can help a teen look objectively at how healthy their friendships really are.
Some red flags can be obvious, such as when a friend openly insults or intentionally embarrasses another teen. But other red flags may be harder to recognize. A teen might think their friend is mean, but brush it off because they’re best friends or because they’re “only being protective.”
Parents can help teens look beyond isolated episodes of tension by asking how they feel after spending time with a friend and whether they can disagree without worrying about the consequences.
Controlling friendships can start out looking like closeness. A friend might want to spend all their time together or be in contact nonstop. But over time, that closeness can become restrictive.
They might question why their friend isn’t spending time with them or say things like, “If I were really your best friend, you would choose me.” They may demand to know things their friend doesn’t want to share or ask them to cut other people off.
The teen on the receiving end might find themselves making decisions based on how the friend will react. They may even stop spending time with other people or hide activities because they know their friend will be angry.
A close friend should not expect a teen to give up who they are. A supportive friend may miss the teen or feel jealous sometimes, but they are still fine with them having other friends and interests.
However, friendship jealousy in teens can turn into a problem when ordinary jealousy starts to change how someone acts.
In some toxic teen friendships, a friend uses the threat of being left out to get their way. They may punish someone by intentionally excluding them. This could look like:
This can be especially hard on a teenager because belonging matters so much during adolescence. A teen may tolerate behavior that they don’t agree with because they fear losing the friend group entirely.
Repeated friend group exclusion can contribute to anxiety and lower self-esteem. A friend with more influence in the group can make this worse by controlling who gets invited and how everyone else treats the person.
Friends can encourage each other to study and make healthier choices, or to skip class and make decisions that go against their values.
In unhealthy peer relationships, a teen might find themselves being pressured to:
They may feel pressured to comply because saying no feels like a bigger social risk than going along with the behavior.
In one study of 16- and 17-year-olds, teens who already had more aggressive behavior became more aggressive over the next year if their close friendship was more intense.[3]
Toxic teen friendships can have a negative impact on a teen’s well-being. One study found that peer victimization and negative friendship experiences were associated with anxiety and depressive symptoms in teens.[4]
A 2025 study of Chinese seventh graders also found that when friendship quality dropped or kept going up and down, depressive symptoms increased. This was partly because the teens felt worse about themselves and more insecure.[5]
A teen in an unhealthy friendship may experience:
Parents may notice that the friendship seems to be taking up a lot of the teen’s emotional energy. Even a close friendship can have negative effects. In the study of 16- and 17-year-olds, teens who already had depressive symptoms were more likely to get worse when their close friendship was especially intense.[3]
Mission Prep is here to help you or your loved one take the next steps towards an improved mental well-being.
Recognizing problems in a friendship does not mean the teen immediately needs to end the friendship. Sometimes, friendships may need clearer boundaries. A boundary is what the teen will or won’t tolerate or take part in. Friendship boundaries for teens might look like:
Setting boundaries can be scary, especially as a teen. Parents can provide support by modeling healthy boundary setting, helping their child work out their limits, practicing what to say, and checking in afterward about how it went.
Healthy friends may not love every boundary, but they can accept it, while unhealthy friends may mock boundaries or intentionally violate them.
Setting a boundary can change the way a friendship functions. A toxic friend may respond by:
A teen may worry that the boundary was a mistake when a friend reacts badly, but their reaction provides helpful information about relationships. Teens can notice whether the friend eventually listens or whether they feel pressured to back down to restore peace.
Not every friendship that requires boundaries is toxic. If there is conflict within a healthy friendship and both people want the friendship to continue, friendships can be repaired. There are ways to rebuild trust after someone has been hurt.
Ending a toxic friendship may be the right thing to do when the harmful behaviors continue after a teen has tried setting boundaries. But ending a friendship does not have to involve dramatic confrontation. Instead, it may look more like:
Ending a friendship, even a toxic one, can come with a wide range of emotions, including:
Parents can provide support by making time to talk to their child and listening without judging. Some teens aren’t ready to talk straight away, so let them know you’re there for them when they are ready.
Once a teen leaves a toxic friend group, they may have fewer plans and wonder whether anyone else will ever want to be close to them again. Parents can encourage connection without pressuring them to replace the friendships immediately. The teen might reconnect with:
Strong friendships can be helpful. Researchers found that being bullied caused less anxiety and depression in teens who had more supportive friends.[4]
With support from parents and healthier friends, a teen can work through some unhealthy friendships. But therapy may help when a toxic friendship has seriously affected the teen’s mental health.
Consider professional support when a teen:
Therapy can help teens understand unhealthy relationship patterns and stay connected to people without giving up their own values and needs. It can also give a teen a place to practice what to say to a friend.
If a teen is thinking about suicide or self-harm, call or text 988. If there is immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.
Mission Prep provides treatment for teens experiencing various mental health conditions. Mental Health support is a phone call away – call 866-901-4047 to learn about your treatment options.
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Toxic teen friendships can impact a teen’s confidence, sense of belonging, mood, and overall well-being. If your teen is staying home alone more than usual, avoiding school, feeling anxious around a friend, or no longer enjoying the things they used to do, it may be time to talk with a professional.
At Mission Prep Teen Treatment, we provide personalized mental health treatment programs for teens ages 12 to 17 who are dealing with mental health conditions such as anxiety, depression, relationship difficulties, and social withdrawal.
Whether your teen could benefit from residential treatment at one of our locations or something more flexible, like an outpatient mental health program delivered virtually, our team can help. Mission Prep Teen Treatment accepts insurance and is in-network with most major providers. We are happy to help you check your insurance coverage for mental health care.
Learn about our admissions process online or call 866-901-4047 to speak with a caring member of our team who can answer any questions you might have. Reach out for a free, no-obligation conversation.
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