Around one in ten children grow up with a parent who has a chronic medical condition.[1] But a serious parental illness affects more than only the unwell person. For a teenager, it may change everyday family life while at the same time bringing fear, uncertainty, and questions they may not know how to ask.
All adolescents respond differently to change, and it’s understandable if your teen has complex feelings. But when a teen is coping with a sick parent, it can be highly significant.
By understanding how your teen may be impacted by a parent’s illness, you may feel more confident supporting them through this challenging time. This page can help you through this process by exploring:
Having a cold might leave you feeling terrible for a few days. But when you’re a parent living with a serious or chronic illness, the whole family can feel the effects, including your teenager.
For teens, a parent’s serious illness may cause family changes that look like:[2]
For example, a 13-year-old may worry about their mom’s health while also feeling annoyed when her hospital appointment means missing sports practice. Another teen might find themselves doing extra chores to help around the house because their parent is in too much pain to manage them on their own.
Even during a family crisis, adolescents have their own needs, friendships, and interests. Understanding the parent illness effect on teenagers means recognizing both the practical changes and how they might be affected emotionally.
Being a teenager with a sick parent can bring up some complicated emotions, so let’s take a closer look at what they might be feeling.
Uncertainty about a parent’s illness can leave teens feeling anxious.
Teen anxiety for a sick parent may show up as worries, such as:
Your teen may feel sad about what you’re going through, but at the same time feel angry that family life has changed. Then, they might feel guilty for being angry in the first place. And this could turn into an emotional cycle, where feeling sad leads to anger, which then leads to guilt, followed by more sadness, and so on.
Your teen can still laugh with friends or enjoy a party while worrying about you. Having fun and carrying on with everyday life doesn’t mean they care any less about what you’re going through.
Sometimes, though, these feelings might become overwhelming, particularly when teens are experiencing anticipatory grief or caregiver stress.
One parent illness effect on teenagers that families might not expect is “anticipatory grief.” This is the sorrow or anxiety someone may experience when they expect a loved one to die.[3]
For adolescents facing the possibility of losing a parent, this might mean becoming particularly frightened when their parent’s health worsens, and they might want to spend every spare moment together. Or they might avoid talking about the illness at all.
So, in this type of grief, your child may suddenly become tearful thinking about whether their dad will be there for graduation, even though graduation is still years away.
But alongside these worries, some teens may also feel responsible for looking after their ill parent, which can bring its own emotional challenges.
When you’re seriously ill, your teen may naturally want to help out.
For instance, they might:
Helping out isn’t necessarily a problem. But feeling responsible for too many things at once may become overwhelming for adolescents.
One parent illness effect on teenagers that can be easy to overlook is caregiver stress: the emotional and physical strain of looking after someone who’s unwell.[4] And research suggests that young carers might experience more difficulties with their own health and well-being than peers who are not caregivers.[5]
So, how can you tell when your teen is taking on too much?
One of the key signs is that they may start taking responsibility for things nobody has asked them to do. For example, your teen might skip soccer practice to check on you or run errands.
What matters most is whether these responsibilities are interfering with their school, friendships, rest, or simply being a teenager.
Mission Prep is here to help you or your loved one take the next steps towards an improved mental well-being.
You can’t take away every worry your teenager may have about your health, but there are other ways you can help them.
If you’re wondering how to support a teen who’s coping with a sick parent, you may find the following suggestions helpful:[6][7]
Adolescents often notice when something’s wrong, even when adults try to hide it. Instead of disguising the truth, you might choose to explain what’s happening in an age-appropriate way. And remember, you don’t need to have all the answers to their questions. It’s okay to say, “We don’t know yet, but I’ll tell you when we find out.”
Your teen might have questions they’re frightened to ask, especially about your future. Give them opportunities to talk without pressuring them, such as asking them something as simple as, “Is there anything you’ve been wondering about?” This may open up a conversation they’ve been scared to start.
Your teen can love you and still feel angry about how life has changed. They might feel hopeful one day, and frightened the next. Whatever they’re experiencing, it’s okay for them to have these feelings – even if they’re difficult for you to hear.
The parent illness effect on teenagers can include losing routines they rely on. So, where possible, it may help to keep some routines in place, whether that’s going to school, having Friday night pizza, or attending weekend sports practice. These small things might provide your teen with a much-needed sense of familiarity and stability.
Your teen shouldn’t feel guilty for having fun while you’re unwell, but they might worry that it will look like they don’t really care about you. Encourage them to keep seeing their friends and enjoying their hobbies. And if they’re helping out around the home more, make it clear what they are and aren’t responsible for. Remind them that they don’t have to be the glue that holds the family together.
There may be days when you’re in the hospital or simply too exhausted or unwell to provide your teen with the emotional support they need. That’s okay. You could help them identify other trusted adults, such as a relative, teacher, coach, or family friend, to turn to for extra support or advice.
While it’s good to have these tips in mind, sometimes an adolescent may need more support than what family and friends can offer.
Whether you’re concerned about a parent’s cancer and a teen’s mental health condition or the effects of a different chronic illness, research suggests that having a chronically or seriously unwell parent may increase a teenager’s risk of emotional and behavioral difficulties, such as anxiety, depression, or loneliness.[8] However, the parent illness effect on teenagers isn’t the same for everyone.
Feeling sad, scared, or angry is understandable. And there isn’t one “right” way to cope with an unwell parent. So when trying to figure out whether your teen might be finding it difficult to cope, it often helps to look for patterns in their mood or behavior, whether they get worse, or if they interfere with your teen’s everyday life.
Signs your teen might benefit from additional support include:[9]
If you recognize these signs in your child, it may be worth considering professional mental health support, such as seeing a therapist. Therapy can give your teen somewhere to talk openly about what’s on their mind or how they feel without worrying about upsetting you.
If your teen is self-harming or expressing suicidal thoughts, seek professional help immediately. If you’re concerned that they are in immediate danger, call 911 or visit the nearest emergency department.
Mission Prep provides treatment for teens experiencing various mental health conditions. Mental Health support is a phone call away – call 866-901-4047 to learn about your treatment options.
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When you’re living with a serious illness or chronic health condition, it’s natural to worry about how a parent’s illness can affect a teen, especially when you’re already dealing with so much yourself. If your teen is having problems coping with your illness or the changes that are happening at home, know that we are here to support you.
At Mission Prep Teen Treatment, we understand how family illness and mental health challenges may affect adolescents. We offer personalized treatment programs in a supportive environment where teens can learn to manage difficult emotions and changes at home.
Whether your teen could benefit from residential treatment at one of our locations or something more flexible, like an outpatient mental health program delivered virtually, our team can help.
Mission Prep Teen Treatment accepts insurance and is in-network with most major providers. We are happy to help you check your insurance coverage for mental health care.
Learn more about our admissions process online or call 866-901-4047 to speak with a caring member of our team who can answer any questions you might have. Reach out for a free, no-obligation conversation.
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