Friendships don’t have to be perfectly equal in every way. Sometimes one friend may need more support, or have less time to invest in the relationship because of school or other responsibilities. That’s perfectly normal.
However, one-sided friendships in teens can become hurtful when one person feels like they are constantly initiating or compromising, and receiving little effort in return. A teen might wonder why they always have to keep the friendship going or whether the other person actually values them. Research on teen friendships shows that reciprocity and friendship quality are connected with school belonging and loneliness.[1][2]
Helping teens recognize the difference between a temporary imbalance and an ongoing pattern can support healthier expectations and more mutual relationships. This article explores:
Friendships naturally shift. At times, one person may initiate most of the plans because they are energized and outgoing. At other times, they may need more emotional support and have less energy to invest in the friendship. Neither situation automatically means a friendship is one-sided or toxic.
However, it’s natural to feel concerned when a friendship effort imbalance becomes a consistent pattern, and one person feels responsible for keeping the friendship going. Common one-sided friendship signs include:
Research has found that reciprocated friendships among teens were associated with greater school belonging, which suggests that mutual recognition within friendships can impact a teen’s wider social experience.[1] Friendship quality can also play an important role in teen friendships and mental health.
Always initiating friendships doesn’t necessarily mean that the other person doesn’t care. A teen might worry that if they don’t text their friend first, they won’t hear from them at all. But one friend might:
Before deciding if a friendship is one-sided, it can be helpful to look beyond who sends the first text. The friend may be a good listener, show up when it matters, be dependable, and remember important things, even if they don’t text first.
Healthy friendship reciprocity doesn’t mean doing everything 50/50 or keeping score. What matters is whether care generally moves in both directions.
Research on teen friendship networks shows differences between reciprocal and unilateral friendships, suggesting that mutuality is an important part of how teens experience social relationships.[1][2]
For example, a teen might support a friend through a breakup. Months later, when they are struggling with school, that friend may return the support. The key point is that reciprocity can happen over time rather than within every interaction.
But problems arise when one person repeatedly gives attention and support while the other primarily receives.
Recognizing toxic friendships in teens can help families distinguish between an ordinary imbalance and patterns of control and manipulation in teen friendships.
Friendship emotional exhaustion can develop in one-sided friendships in teens when one teen becomes the group’s unofficial therapist.
They may always be expected to step in when something goes wrong. They:
But when they need support, the conversation quickly shifts away from them and back to the other person. Eventually, they can start to feel guilty for having needs at all.
Research shows that supportive friendships are important during adolescence. In fact, a recent study found that higher-quality friendships were associated with greater comfort-seeking when teens experienced peer stress.[3]
But a teen can’t be responsible for regulating the emotions of others around the clock. Healthy friendships allow room for both people to give and receive support.
When one person consistently expects unlimited access to attention, the friendship may be moving beyond a simple imbalance and into an unhealthy friendship pattern.
One-sided friendships in teens can be difficult because teens typically place a lot of emotional value on peer relationships. Teens may begin to take the imbalance personally, wondering what’s wrong with them or why they are never the first choice.
A teen experiencing an unequal friendship may start to feel:
Research involving more than 1,100 teens found associations between loneliness, friendship quality, and the number of reciprocal and one-directional friendships young people reported.[2]
A large meta-analysis that covered 233 studies also found meaningful links between friendship experiences, loneliness, and depressive symptoms across childhood and adolescence, and showed that friendship quality is closely associated with emotional adjustment.[4]
Having people around doesn’t always create a lasting sense of connection. Unbalanced friendships are just one reason why teens can feel lonely even when they have friends.
Sometimes teens recognize the imbalance within a friendship but continue putting in effort because the relationship feels socially valuable. They may view the other person as popular and feel that being friends with this person provides access to a larger group.
Status can make friendships look desirable from the outside while still leaving the teen feeling unappreciated by friends.
Friendship hierarchies in high school can strongly influence the dynamics within teen friendships.
A teen might be afraid to put less effort into a friendship because they worry about being lonely. This fear can then lead to even more effort: another message, another favor, or accepting being the backup plan.
The friendship dynamic can then become increasingly unbalanced when the teen feels like they can’t risk doing less of the work to keep the friendship going. One-sided relationships among teens can be especially draining when fear drives the effort required to maintain them.
This dynamic can also overlap with peer pressure and belonging. The fear of losing social acceptance can often impact the choices that teens make.
Parents might notice unhealthy friendship patterns much sooner than their teen is ready to acknowledge them. You may notice that your teen is always:
Parents can support their teen in managing one-sided friendships by:
When one-sided friendships in teens become exhausting, setting boundaries can help restore a sense of balance. A teen might:
Boundaries aren’t about creating a secret test to see how the friend responds. Instead, they allow teens to change how they participate in the friendship and see how the other person responds.
Parents can provide support by modeling healthy boundary setting and help their teen rehearse what to say to a friend who crosses boundaries, if needed.
Research shows that higher-quality friendships are associated with lower levels of loneliness and depressive symptoms among children and adolescents.[4] Teens can create opportunities for more balanced friendships by:
As new relationships develop, teens can pay attention to friendship reciprocity by considering questions such as:
Balanced friendships don’t always look that way from the outside. One friend might just be more likely to make plans, while another may be better at noticing when something is wrong. One may offer practical help, while another is better at emotional support.
Teens can learn to look at the friendship as a whole rather than measuring every individual action. The central question is whether both people feel valued and able to rely on each other when it matters.
Recognizing that friendship reciprocity comes in different forms can also help keep teens from assuming that a relationship is unhealthy just because each person contributes to it in a different way.
Some one-sided friendships in teens remain unbalanced despite boundaries and communication. At that point, a teen can decide how much time and effort they still want to put into the relationship.
A teen may consider:
Not every friendship requires a formal breakup; sometimes relationships naturally become less close.
Parents can provide support by giving their teen space to brainstorm what stepping back may look like for the particular friendship. They can also help teens process best friend breakups when an important friendship ends.
Most teens will experience unequal friendships at some point without needing therapy. However, professional support may help when one-sided friendships in teens negatively impact emotional well-being.
Consider seeking professional support when a teen:
Therapy can help the teen improve self-esteem, practice effective communication skills, and build realistic relationship expectations.
Mission Prep is here to help you or your loved one take the next steps towards an improved mental well-being.
One-sided friendships in teens can leave adolescents feeling emotionally exhausted and unappreciated. Healthy friendships don’t have to be perfectly equal, but both people should be able to receive support, set boundaries, express their needs, and feel valued.
At Mission Prep Teen Treatment, we work with teens experiencing various mental health concerns, including anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, social withdrawal, and relationship difficulties. We offer tailored treatment programs at the residential level of care as well as a virtual intensive outpatient program.
Mission Prep Teen Treatment accepts insurance and is in-network with most major providers. We are happy to help you check your insurance coverage for mental health care.
Learn about our locations online or call 866-901-4047 to speak with a caring member of our team who can answer any questions you might have. Reach out for a free, no-obligation conversation.
Are You Covered for Mental Health Treatment?
We’re in-network with many providers. Call us at 866-901-4047 to verify your benefits and find out how much your plan will cover
Find out if Mission Prep is right for you by reaching out to us and speaking with one of our admissions representatives.
