Wise Mind in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) can help teens make room for what they feel and what they know. Rather than asking teens to ignore their emotions or make every decision based only on logic, Wise Mind encourages balanced thinking that considers both. This mindfulness skill can help support emotional regulation and decision-making when feelings are intense.
With practice, teens can learn to pause long enough to observe not just what they feel like doing, but what response would be most helpful to them in the moment. To help you better understand how Wise Mind could help your child develop this skill, this page explores:
Wise Mind is a core mindfulness concept in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). The basic idea is that sometimes people make decisions primarily from emotion and sometimes primarily from logic. But Wise Mind strives to incorporate both without allowing either one to completely take over.
Behavioral Tech, the organization founded by DBT developer Marsha Linehan, describes Wise Mind as seeing the situation more clearly and recognizing the effective course of action. It’s not just splitting the difference between emotion and reason.[1]
Wise Mind is sometimes misunderstood as always choosing the calm and polite option, which is not necessarily true. A Wise Mind response can involve:
Wise Mind does not focus on keeping everyone comfortable. The goal is to find an effective response that considers both realities of the situation and the person’s internal experience.
Wise Mind is taught within the mindfulness portion of DBT. Mindfulness in DBT is the practice of intentionally noticing the present moment without reacting, and research suggests that it can increase nonjudgmental awareness and contribute to improvements in attention and some mental health symptoms.[2]
A teen cannot successfully use Wise Mind if they are unable to notice what is happening internally. They first need enough self-awareness to recognize what they are feeling emotionally and in their body, and the urge that comes with these feelings.
Mindfulness helps create a pause between experience and response. And even if this pause only lasts a few seconds, it is often enough to create another option.
However, to help you better understand the components of this approach, it can help to know the differences between the Emotion Mind and the Reasonable Mind.
“Emotion Mind” describes a state in which feelings and moods strongly influence thoughts and behaviors. Emotions can provide important information, and everyone experiences the Emotion Mind. However, the difficulty comes when the emotion becomes so strong that it narrows what one can see.
For example, your teen might receive a lower grade than expected on a test. So their Emotion Mind might tell them:
In this moment, the emotion of disappointment feels like fact, and this emotional intensity can make immediate action feel necessary. So your teen may want to:
The goal of Wise Mind is not to eliminate Emotion Mind. Instead, the goal is to teach teens to notice when strong feelings may be dominating the situation and create enough space to consider additional information and options.
Reasonable Mind is the more logical, fact-focused state. A teen using Reasonable Mind might review what happened objectively and then examine the pros and cons of actionable strategies and what can realistically be changed.
Returning to our example of the disappointing grade, Reasonable Mind might allow a teen to look at the test and analyze what percentage it is toward the overall grade. Then, this state of mind could give them enough clarity to consider ways to improve their overall grade.
Reasonable Mind can be very useful, but it can have its limitations. For instance, if a teen leans too much on Reasonable Mind, they may dismiss important emotional information. The facts may be accurate, but important information is still missing.
Adolescence naturally involves increasing independence and more complicated decision-making. Teens are figuring out friendships, relationships, school, social media, work, family expectations, and more. At the same time, emotional experiences can feel especially intense, which shines a light on the importance of learning how to:
Wise Mind can give teens a practical framework for the common phrase “Think before you act.” It can teach teens how to:
Wise Mind can support emotional regulation because it encourages teens to get curious about what their feelings are telling them and what they want to do with that information.
For example, a teen might feel furious because their friend publicly shared something private, and their anger may be completely justified.
As a response, their Emotion Mind may want to post something humiliating about the friend in return. However, their Reasonable Mind may say to ignore the entire situation because retaliation could create consequences.
In contrast, their Wise Mind might acknowledge that a boundary was crossed and retaliation is not necessary, but communicating the boundary violation is important.
Teens make decisions all day long. Wise Mind can help in the decision-making process by providing a framework for when emotions and logic seem to be pulling in opposite directions.
When practicing Wise Mind while making decisions, a teen may ask themselves:
As a result, they are more likely to come to a decision that balances their emotions with their logic.
Like any other skill, Wise Mind becomes easier to access through repetition. And practicing it during lower-stakes situations can make the skill easier to remember when emotions become stronger. The following are the typical steps involved in developing this skill.
Your teen can start developing their Wise Mind by creating a small space between an urge and an action. This may look like:
Your teen could ask themself: What am I actually feeling?
Certain emotions like anger may be easy to notice, but underneath it could be:
Accurately naming an emotion can make the situation easier to understand. Tools like an emotion wheel can be very helpful when developing emotional vocabulary.
It’s important for a teen to be able to separate observations from interpretations.
For example, when upset with a friend, they might think in one of two ways:
The interpretation could be correct, but the teen does not know that yet, so it is best to focus on the facts of the situation.
This step overlaps with the DBT skill called “Check the Facts”, which helps teens examine whether assumptions are intensifying an emotional response. By looking more closely at the facts, teens can distinguish between the story their mind created and what actually happened.
Emotions usually arrive with action urges. So it’s important for a teen to notice the urge without immediately obeying it.
For instance, your teen might ask themselves What do I feel like doing right now? and then question Would doing that actually help?
This is the step in which balanced thinking can begin. Getting curious about what the emotion is trying to convey while also accounting for what the facts are communicating is an important part of Wise Mind.
DBT places a strong emphasis on effectiveness. So, oftentimes, the reflection of Wise Mind includes asking if a specific action will move someone toward what they actually want.
For example, if the goal is to repair a friendship, sending an insulting message may not be effective even if the teen feels justified. If the goal is protecting themselves from someone who repeatedly mistreats them, setting a boundary may be more effective than continuing to allow the behavior.
Mission Prep is here to help you or your loved one take the next steps towards an improved mental well-being.
Parents can support the use of Wise Mind in day-to-day interactions through:
For instance, asking questions instead of giving the answer may sound like:
Then, you can use your own Wise Mind to model an appropriate and effective response. Parents have Emotion Mind too – so you’re well placed to show your teen how to balance emotions with reason.
For example, you could demonstrate Wise Mind by taking a break or setting a boundary when feeling activated. This models emotional awareness and intentional decision-making.
Wise Mind and DBT exercises can be very useful techniques for teens, but coping skills are not substitutes for professional care. Consider seeking mental health support if your teen:
Call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department if there is an immediate risk of harm. You can also call or text 988 for crisis support.
Mission Prep provides treatment for teens experiencing various mental health conditions. Mental Health support is a phone call away – call 866-901-4047 to learn about your treatment options.
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If you or your teen is struggling with intense emotions that are affecting their decision-making skills, support is available. At Mission Prep Teen Treatment, we use evidence-based therapeutic approaches and innovative interventions to foster sustainable change for adolescents and their families.
We provide individualized treatment programs for adolescents experiencing anxiety, depression, emotional dysregulation, self-harm, impulsivity, and other mental health concerns. Treatment may include evidence-based approaches like DBT and opportunities to practice coping and emotional regulation skills in real-life situations, but it’s always shaped around a teen’s unique needs.
Mission Prep Teen Treatment also promotes family involvement, as parents can learn how to support these skills without dismissing emotions or taking over the decision-making process.
Whether your teen could benefit from residential treatment at one of our locations in California or Virginia, or something more flexible like an outpatient mental health program or virtual telehealth to treat their mental health concerns, our team can help.
Mission Prep Teen Treatment accepts insurance and is in-network with most major providers. We are happy to help you check your insurance coverage for mental health care.
Contact us online or call 866-901-4047 to speak with a caring member of our team who can answer any questions you might have. Reach out for a free, no-obligation conversation.
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