Grief can impact anyone at any age, but how teenagers process grief is typically shaped by their current developmental stage. Understanding how teens process grief can help parents avoid assuming their teen is grieving “wrong” and instead focus on what healthy adaptation and appropriate support may look like for a grieving adolescent.
To help in this process, this page explores:
When people think about grief, they often picture someone crying and talking about the person who passed away. But teenagers may not respond in that way. In fact, the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry notes that adolescent grief reactions can vary considerably and don’t always look the way adults expect.[1]
The table below shows some differences between teen grief and adult grief.
Area | Teen Grief | Adult Grief |
Emotional Expression | May shift quickly between grief-based emotions and ordinary activities | May be more able to identify and describe emotions directly |
Communication | May have difficulty putting grief into words or may avoid discussing grief altogether | Often has more experience discussing loss and asking for support |
Independence | May want more privacy while also needing reassurance and support | Usually has greater control over how and where they seek support |
Behavior | Grief may appear through school problems, withdrawal, risk-taking, and changes in routine | Behavioral changes may be more recognizable as grief |
Teen grief can be difficult to express and understand because many teens are still learning the skills that most adults use to manage intense emotions and communicate their internal experience.
Additionally, people often hear about the stages of grief, and while these concepts can be useful for describing some grief experiences, they should not become a checklist.
Teenage grief does not follow fixed stages. A teenager does not need to move through five emotional stages in order. For instance, they may experience anger before sadness. Acceptance one day and disbelief the next. And some feelings, such as bargaining or depression, may never appear.
Teenage grief behavior may communicate distress before a teenager has words for what they are experiencing. For instance, parents may notice:
Research has shown that grief in adolescents may include emotional, behavioral, cognitive, and physical grief responses rather than one predictable presentation.[2]
Both grief and depression often involve sadness, withdrawal, sleep changes, fatigue, and low motivation.
However, when comparing grief vs. depression in teens, grief typically remains closely connected to the person who died and may come in waves, while depression may be more generalized. A teen dealing with depression may feel worthless or hopeless about everything.
Grief and depression can occur at the same time. Therefore, parents should seek professional support when symptoms become severe or significantly impair functioning.
By adolescence, most teens can comprehend that death is permanent. But that does not mean they fully understand every way the loss will affect their future.
This is one of the reasons that the adolescent grief process can continue changing over time. In fact, developmental studies emphasize that young people’s understanding and expression of grief can change as their cognitive abilities, relationships, and developmental needs evolve.[2]
This means that the rapid developmental transitions of adolescence can repeatedly change what the loss of a loved one means. And a teenager may revisit the same loss from different perspectives as they mature. The following sections discuss how grief can change and look different in adolescents.
Research shows that children and adolescents typically experience grief intermittently, with emotions emerging at different times rather than remaining consistently visible at all times.[1]
This may cause adults to feel confused or question the teen when they appear deeply upset one moment and then ask to go out with their friends an hour later. But moving in and out of grief can be part of how teens grieve, and it reflects the way teens may shift between grief and ordinary life.
Understanding teen grief also includes acknowledging that sometimes sadness might not be the only emotion that comes up. Some grieving teenagers may experience anger that might be directed toward the person who died. Alternatively, anger might also reflect a feeling of helplessness and a sense of not having control.
This feeling of not having control can be very difficult for a teen who is also going through important developmental milestones. Therefore, it could lead to:
Not every teen’s response to death resembles a “typical” grief response; sometimes it might not actually be very apparent that a teen is grieving. Some teenagers become quieter and more isolated. They may:
Parents may assume that the teen is suppressing their grief. And in some cases, they might be right. But some teens could also be processing internally.
Plus, pressuring a teen to talk about their grief may make them withdraw further. Instead, you could consider making support available by saying, “I know you don’t want to talk about this, and you don’t have to. But I’m here if you decide you would like to.”
Grief in adolescence can feel isolating because many teens have yet to experience a major death. Therefore, a grieving teen may feel frustrated while listening to their friends complain about minor problems, and they may worry about making people uncomfortable when discussing the person who died.
Some friends may pull away because they don’t know what to say, and others might unintentionally say dismissive or invalidating things. This could leave the teenager feeling even more alone.
Grief support groups or therapy can be beneficial when a teenager wants connection with someone who understands bereavement more directly.
Mission Prep is here to help you or your loved one take the next steps towards an improved mental well-being.
How grief affects teenagers depends partly on who passed and what the relationship meant to the teen. We provide some examples of different types of relationships and how they may impact grief below.
The death of a parent during teen years can impact:
Sibling grief may involve:
The death of a friend can challenge a teen’s belief that death only happens to older people, and it can impact an entire friend group.
Steady support from a parent can be very helpful for a grieving teenager. This may look like:[3]
While most grieving teenagers will experience distress without developing a mental health condition, there may be instances in which your support alone might not be enough. For instance, if you notice that your teen is exhibiting the following signs, professional support may be appropriate:[1]
If there is immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room. You can also call or text 988 for crisis support.
Mission Prep provides treatment for teens experiencing various mental health conditions. Grief support is a phone call away – call 866-901-4047 to learn about your treatment options.
See our residences in Southern California’s Los Angeles & San Diego areas.
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Understanding how teenagers cope with death can help families move away from expectations about what grief is “supposed” to look like. A teenager may cry or become angry. They may want to talk constantly or barely discuss the loss at all. Or they may want to spend time with friends and experience new grief as they reach developmental milestones.
At Mission Prep Teen Treatment, we offer individualized mental health treatment programs based on your teen’s specific needs and unique symptoms. Therapy for grief can give teens a private place to process the loss while helping them maintain identity and future goals. What’s more, parents can also receive guidance on supporting their teen’s grieving process.
Whether your teen could benefit from residential treatment at one of our locations or something more flexible, like an outpatient mental health program delivered virtually, our team can help. Mission Prep Teen Treatment accepts insurance and is in-network with most major providers. We are happy to help you check your insurance coverage for mental health care.
Start the admissions process online or call 866-901-4047 to learn more about our available mental health treatment and grief support for adolescents and families. Reach out for a free, no-obligation conversation.
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