Losing a parent can be difficult for anybody at any stage of life. After all, the person who might have been a constant source of support for you is no longer there. But losing a parent as a teen can be especially debilitating, as it can change almost every part of their life.
Many teens feel their parents will always be there. So when that person is suddenly gone, a teen may be grieving the relationship while also trying to adjust to a life that looks very different.
Even for those whose relationship with their parents was strained, losing a parent as a teen can impact their foundation and affect all areas of life. To help, this page covers:
Losing a parent as a teen can influence their life in more ways than just causing grief. Adolescence is already a time of major change and development. Young people may be:
At the same time, they still rely heavily on parents and caregivers for stability, guidance, and emotional support.
It’s estimated that around 4% of American children will experience the death of one or both of their parents before reaching the age of 18.[1] And a parental death experience during adolescence can disrupt a teen’s sense of safety and security.
The emotional impact of adolescent parental bereavement can also affect mental health. Research shows that parental loss during adolescence can be associated with higher rates of mental health conditions like anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, insomnia, addiction, and problems functioning.[2]
The circumstances surrounding the death, such as it being violent, frightening, or the teen witnessing it, can influence how a teen responds. Studies report that parental deaths that were more sudden or violent are more likely to be associated with maladaptive grief in teens.[3]
There isn’t one way someone is supposed to react to losing a parent as a teen. Some teens might openly cry or talk about the person often. Others may appear numb, become irritable, or throw themselves into school and friendships. Some common grief reactions include:
It’s normal for your teen to experience intense periods of sadness, longing, or crying after losing a parent. But grief doesn’t often stay consistent. One day they might be crying, then laughing with friends, and then angry or shut down in the evening.
Having moments when they feel okay doesn’t mean they’ve stopped grieving or don’t miss their parent.
Guilt is a very common reaction in grief. Losing a parent as a teen can bring up guilt or “what ifs” about arguments they had before the death or things left unsaid. They might wonder if their parent would still be around if they had done something differently or feel guilty for being alive when their parent is not. This persistent guilt or self-blame can make grief harder to process.[4]
The relationship a child had with the parent matters, too. Losing a mother, father, or another parental figure can carry different meanings for different teens. There isn’t one predictable response based on which parent died.
You can’t remove a teen’s grief or rush it along, but you can make sure they don’t carry it alone. Helping a teen after a parent dies often means balancing support with providing enough space for them to grieve in their own way. Some ways to help with the grieving process are to:
After losing a parent as a teen, not every teen will want to talk about the loss or their feelings. Let them know you’re available to talk about their parent, the death, or anything else they’re feeling whenever they want.
Don’t assume silence or them saying they’re “fine” means they’re okay. Check in from time to time without turning every conversation into a discussion about grief.
Research on anticipated parental death has found that teens and young adults can benefit from clear, age-appropriate information and psychosocial support surrounding a parent’s illness and death.[5]
So, when possible, answer questions about the death clearly and honestly. Teens can sometimes fill gaps in information with assumptions that are more frightening than reality. If you don’t know the answer, it’s okay to say that.
As a way of coping with a parent’s death, a teen might find their routine totally disrupted. Trying to keep routines as regular and familiar as possible can provide some stability during such an uncertain time.
Where possible, keep familiar routines around school, activities, friendships, sleep, and meals. Laughing, going to parties, playing sports, dating, or enjoying time with friends can be healthy for grieving teens. At the same time, allow some flexibility when your child is having an especially difficult day.
Losing a parent as a teen doesn’t require them to forget or “move on.” Healthy grieving might mean helping them stay connected to the parent they lost. Maybe that means keeping photos or meaningful belongings somewhere nearby, listening to music they shared a love for, or writing a letter to that parent.
It can also be helpful to celebrate that parent’s birthday, tell stories about them, or create a memory box.
Adolescent parental bereavement often includes remembering the person who died, processing grief, meaning-making, and the involvement of the other parent or caregiver.[6]
Mission Prep is here to help you or your loved one take the next steps towards an improved mental well-being.
Therapy after a teenager’s parent dies can help them understand what they’re feeling, process painful parts of the loss, and develop healthier ways to cope.
The right grief support for a teen after a parent’s death depends on the teen’s symptoms and circumstances, as well as how the loss has affected them. Some evidence-based treatment for mental health after a parent’s death includes:
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help teens understand the connection between their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. After losing a parent, your teen may struggle with thoughts such as I should have done more, It was my fault, or I’ll never feel okay again.
CBT can help them examine these thoughts, challenge guilt or self-blame, and develop more balanced ways of understanding what happened.
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) may be helpful when distressing memories surrounding a parent’s death feel stuck or continue to trigger intense emotional reactions. For this reason, EMDR is especially helpful for prolonged grief.[7]
During EMDR, a therapist helps your teen safely process painful memories while using bilateral stimulation, such as guided eye movements. The goal isn’t to erase the memory, but to reduce how overwhelming it feels so your teen can remember what happened without becoming as emotionally flooded.
After losing a parent as a teen, some might struggle with putting grief into words. Art therapy and somatic approaches can give them ways to explore and express emotions outside of talking.
Mission Prep provides treatment for teens experiencing various mental health conditions. Mental Health support is a phone call away – call 866-901-4047 to learn about your treatment options.
See our residences in Southern California’s Los Angeles & San Diego areas.
View our facilities in Loudoun County, VA within the DC metro area.
At Mission Prep, we know that watching your teen grieve after losing a parent while also managing your own grief can be scary, confusing, and overwhelming. Our mental health treatment provides support for teens experiencing grief and related concerns such as anxiety, depression, trauma, and anger.
Using a whole-person approach, we start by understanding what your teen is experiencing, including their symptoms, circumstances, strengths, and goals. From there, we find the treatment approaches that work best for them.
This comprehensive approach may combine evidence-based therapies like CBT and EMDR with mindfulness, art, and somatic therapy. All of our approaches are flexible and can be adjusted to your teen’s needs.
Whether your teen could benefit from residential treatment at one of our locations in California or Virginia, or something more flexible like an outpatient mental health program or virtual telehealth to treat their mental health concerns, our team can help.
Mission Prep Teen Treatment accepts insurance and is in-network with most major providers. We are happy to help you check your insurance coverage for mental health care. Contact us online or call 866-901-4047 to speak with a caring member of our team who can answer any questions you might have. Reach out for a free, no-obligation conversation.
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There are no simple answers or set of rules when it comes to healing from grieving a parent. Below, we answer some common questions families have about supporting a teenager after parental loss.
There isn’t one specific age where it’s hardest to lose a parent. A teenager, whether 13 or 17 years old, is more than twice as likely to show impairments in functioning at home and school after having a mother or father who died.[8]
What matters more than age are factors like the teen’s relationship with the parent, how the death occurred, family changes afterward, and the support they receive.
Not every bereaved teenager after a parent’s death requires therapy. But therapy likely will not hurt, as counseling can help them express their feelings.
This can be especially helpful if they’re concerned about how their grief might affect other family members or if they feel responsible for the well-being of the other parent or siblings.
Therapy can also help if they experience intense guilt, self-blame, or trauma, or have difficulty returning to everyday activities.
At Mission Prep Teen Treatment, we help address the emotional and mental health impacts that losing a parent as a teen can cause. Our personalized mental health treatment allows teens to process grief in a safe, supportive environment.
By combining evidence-based and mind-body approaches, they’ll learn to identify their feelings and how these feelings manifest in their bodies, as well as develop ways of coping that honor themselves and their parent.
Our goal is to help them reconnect with the parts of life that still matter to them.
Are You Covered for Mental Health Treatment?
We’re in-network with many providers. Call us at 866-901-4047 to verify your benefits and find out how much your plan will cover
Find out if Mission Prep is right for you by reaching out to us and speaking with one of our admissions representatives.
