Parents can feel highly concerned about what to do about teen bullying. Bullying at school can affect a teenager’s personality, academic performance, and emotional and physical health. While this can obviously be a cause of significant distress for a teen, it can also feel highly isolating for a parent. All they may want is to protect their child’s safety, but might feel powerless to know how to start.
If you suspect a teen is being bullied, your support can make a world of a difference. Finding ways to talk to your teen about bullying can help you get to the root of what’s happening. Moreover, having a conversation about bullying can make a teen feel validated, and help figure out a way to prevent further damage to their emotional and physical well-being.
The following are seven ways to talk about teen bullying in ways that help protect their mental health. It’s good to note that while these steps are important, professional mental health support and advice is the best option for preventing long-term effects of bullying.
7 Steps for Talking to a Teen About Bullying
1. Don’t Wait to Talk About Bullying
You don’t have to see changes in a teenager’s behaviors to talk to them about teen bullying. According to research, approximately 22% of high school aged teenagers have reported being bullied. Regularly checking in with teens, openly communicating the importance of respectful behaviors, and talking with them about values can reduce the chance that they’ll engage in bullying actions. Also, building trust through regular communication makes it more likely that a teen will turn to you if they’re being bullied or have witnessed it. 1
2. Observe Their Behaviors
If they’re being bullied, teenagers may find coping with their feelings challenging. Teens can become very skilled at hiding this distress, but parents and caregivers are well-placed to spot shifts in their behavior patterns. If they’re acting out of the ordinary, then there’s a chance something is going on.
To start, try to detect signs of frequent tiredness, as this may indicate changes to their sleeping patterns. They may be struggling to fall or stay asleep or might be having frequent nightmares.
The next step is to try to pinpoint their attitude around going to school; if there are changes to their outlook, this may indicate bullying. For example, in the morning, perhaps they’re no longer excited about seeing their friends, regularly saying they feel too ill to go to school, or seem “numb.” If these behaviors are out of the ordinary for a teen, they can give you a good basis for knowing how to start the conversation about what’s going on. 2,3
3. Start a Gentle Conversation
If you’re concerned about changes in a teen’s behaviors, it can help to start the conversation about bullying in a gentle, non-confrontational way. Going in strong could lead a teen to close up about their feelings and experiences, so choose a moment when you can initiate a gentle, yet bonding chat.
For instance, you could choose to start the conversation on the way home from school, after dinner when you’re both doing the dishes, or while taking a walk together. Once you’ve chosen the right moment, ask them open-ended questions about what they’ve been going through recently. For example, you could start the conversation indirectly by saying, “What’s your favorite and least favorite things that happened to you lately?” Or, you could be a little more direct by saying, “I’ve heard a lot about different types of bullying lately and how it can affect teenagers. Have you any experience with that?”
4. Model Openly Discussing Bullying
Many teenagers who are being bullied turn their emotions inwards and develop self-blame, guilt, and shame about what they’re going through. Feeling in such ways can prevent them from sharing their experiences and reaching out for help as they may fear being judged. A parent or caregiver can be an excellent role model for open, honest conversations about bullying and mental health – reducing the risk of stigma around bullying. 4
Even though the landscape around bullying may have changed since you were a teen (for instance, cyberbullying may be more common), it can help to share your experiences. You could start by saying “Did I ever tell you about what I went through when I was your age?”
Alternatively, if you personally didn’t experience bullying, you could tell them how you witnessed it in someone else, such as a friend. Then, let them know how you or someone you know were affected by these events. For example, were you scared, confused, or stressed?
5. Actively Listen to Them
If a teen starts to open up and share that they’re being bullied, it may be tempting to jump in and try to “fix” the problem. However, this may be the first opportunity they’ve had to talk about what they’re going through, so it’s important to hear them out.
Actively listening to them involves taking note of their body language as well as what they’re saying. It might also help to summarize the problem (without making suggestions on how to solve it) and ask follow up questions such as “What happened after that?”
6. Validate Their Experiences
Teens who are being bullied may worry that they’re to blame for what’s happening or doubt that what they’re going through is a form of bullying. If a teen feels like the other person purposely has been going to lengths to make them feel humiliated and powerless, then it’s important to confirm and validate that they’ve been bullied.
Sometimes, parents may feel tempted to normalize bullying behaviors to protect a teen from realizing that someone is trying to hurt them, but doing so can minimize their experiences. Instead, let them know that you agree that there’s a problem and that it’s OK for them to be upset about it. Tell them that being bullied is not their fault and that you’ll be there to support them through this.
Also, you may want to encourage a teen to stand up for themselves, but telling them to do so might be unhelpful. One of the main characteristics of bullying is a need for power, so challenging a bully may lead to an increase in aggressive behavior. Further, telling a teen to stand up for themselves may contribute further to the belief that they’re at fault. 5
7. Ask Them How They Would Like to Be Supported
Bullying can be highly damaging to a teen’s emotional and physical health, so they might need further support to help them process what they’re going through. Asking them how they would like to be supported gives them a role in their care, and can also ensure you’re taking steps to meet their needs. For example, you could ask whether professional mental health treatment could help them manage the self-esteem issues they might be dealing with due to bullying.
It’s good to bear in mind that a teen may not want you to get involved in stopping the bullying. Sometimes, being a parent means making unpopular choices. Even though they may not want you to, you may have to approach the school.
Keeping a record of when, where, and how a teen has been bullied can provide evidence to the school about the nature and frequency of bullying. Plus, as schools are often stretched thin, this record helps them to effectively put safeguarding measures in place for protecting your teen’s health.
Also, if your teen is being cyberbullied, it may be important to put limits on their social media use and block the offending person or people. Again, such actions may not make you popular, but they can protect a teen’s well-being from further damage.
What to Do After a Conversation on Teen Bullying
In addition to these seven points on talking to a teen about bullying, it’s good to help them understand why some teenagers may bully others. Not everyone has a strong support system at home, which can increase the risk of bullying behavior. However, even though this information might help a teen gain perspective, the impact on their own well-being needs to be managed.
Talking to the school, controlling social media use, and supporting a teen in emotional and practical ways are all important steps for promoting better mental health. However, professional mental health advice and support can help teens build healthy ways of coping and give them a safe space to express their emotions without fear of judgement.
How Mission Prep Can Help
Being bullied can make a teenager doubt their sense of self and damage their well-being in both physical and emotional ways. They may even blame themselves for how they’re being treated, causing them to feel ashamed and guilty. It’s important that a teen learns that being bullied is not their fault – and that it’s possible to recover and move forward in confident ways.
Mission Prep can help a teen process bullying, regain a sense of control, and form positive self-beliefs. Our team of trained professionals empathetically tailor treatment options to a teen’s specific needs, ensuring that bullying won’t affect them in long-term ways. Being bullied doesn’t define who you are, Mission Prep can help you recognize this and find the strength to recover. Contact us to find out more.
References
- National Center for Education Statistics. (n.d.). Student bullying. In The condition of education. U.S. Department of Education. Retrieved March 4, 2025, from https://nces.ed.gov/programs/coe/indicator/a10
- Ding, H., Cao, L., Xu, B., Li, Y., Xie, J., Wang, J., Su, P., & Wang, G. (2023). Involvement in bullying and sleep disorders in Chinese early adolescents. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 14, 1115561. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2023.1115561
- National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine. (2016). Preventing bullying through science, policy, and practice. National Academies Press. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK390414/
- Menesini, E., & Camodeca, M. (2008). Shame and guilt as behaviour regulators: Relationships with bullying, victimization and prosocial behaviour. British Journal of Developmental Psychology, 26(2), 183-196. https://doi.org/10.1348/026151007X205281
- U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. (n.d.). What is bullying. StopBullying.gov. https://www.stopbullying.gov/bullying/what-is-bullying
