- What We Treat
- Mental Health Services
- Locations
- Programs
- Cost
- About Us
- Resources
- Contact Us
Passive-aggressive behavior in teens can be difficult to understand, lead to conflict, and prevent resolutions. Whereas passive-aggressive behaviors are common in all age groups, they are particularly evident during adolescence as teenagers are still developing their abilities to manage emotions.
Many teenagers may show passive-aggressive behaviors from time to time. However, if a teen regularly resorts to passive-aggression to express themselves, it can lead to problems with relationships, difficulties in school, and problems handling emotions healthily as an adult.
If you or someone you know has passive-aggressive behaviors that are interfering with relationships and quality of life, it can help to know that there are steps you can take without provoking conflict. This page discusses:
Similar to these soldiers, teenager’s passive-aggressive traits are usually ways of indirectly expressing negative feelings – such as anger or frustration – instead of openly talking about them.2 According to the American Psychological Association (APA), passive-aggressive behavior seems “innocuous, accidental, or neutral but indirectly displays an unconscious aggressive motive.” This description means that passive-aggressive behavior in teens is a way for them to subtly express themselves and challenge authority.
It can help to provide examples of passive-aggressive behavior in teens to improve understanding, as it is often not openly displayed.
Teen passive-aggressive communication commonly includes sulking and the “silent treatment” as a form of protest. For instance, if a teenager is annoyed at their parents for grounding them, they might show this by refusing to answer questions, avoiding eye contact, or withdrawing to their room.
Sarcasm, when used passive-aggressively, is a way to communicate contempt or annoyance, or to “one up” someone through negative humor. For example, to communicate annoyance for being asked to wash the dishes by an adult, they might say “Oh, I’d love to. It’s not like I’ve anything better to do with my time.” When used to “one up” a peer, they might say something like “Wow, that was just the best joke I’ve ever heard.”
Another common passive-aggressive behavior in teens is routinely making excuses like “I forgot” or blame-shifting to someone else for not doing something they were asked to do. This is a way to express frustration and avoid accountability for not wanting to do a task. For instance, if a teen was asked to write a thank you note to a relative for a birthday gift, they might say “I’ll do it when I’m finished watching this film.”
Learned behaviors: A teenager might have learned over their lifetime that passive-aggression is a rewarding way to express emotions. For example, maybe when they were sarcastic people thought they were funny, or they got out of doing something they didn’t want to do by procrastinating. A teenager might also not have been reinforced for positive behavior, so may not understand healthier ways to express themselves.
In addition to these potential causes of passive-aggressive behavior in teens, a teenager who is prone to suppressing or pushing down their anger may use passive aggression as a way of coping with their negative feelings.
The effects of passive-aggressive behavior in teens include damage to relationships, difficulties in school and with social groups, and low self-esteem due to possible negative feedback. Also, if a teenager doesn’t learn healthier ways to communicate their frustrations, they may not develop conflict-resolution skills that would benefit them as adults.5
It can be difficult to detect passive-aggressive behavior at times, but learning about the signs can help prevent the behavior from progressing. Teenagers’ passive-aggressive traits are not limited to the following list – each teen is unique and may demonstrate different behaviors in different situations.
Using negative humor or sarcasm to gain attention or demonstrate hostility
As adolescence is a time of considerable physical and emotional change, it’s normal for teens to act passive-aggressively from time to time. However, if it is their go-to pattern of behaviors, it may be important to know how to manage passive-aggressive behaviors in teens.
Coping with passive-aggressive behavior in teens requires a proactive, yet balanced approach. They may avoid confrontation, become defensive, and find it hard to figure out the underlying issues behind their passive aggression. The following tips can help you cope with passive-aggressive behavior in teens.
It’s important to consider your own actions in response to passive-aggression to figure out if you’ve fed into or reinforced the behavior at any stage. Is there anything you’ve done in the past that de-escalated the situation? What was this action? Alternatively, if you regularly feel powerless during moments of teen passive-aggression, you likely need to alter your responses. In other words, try to factor in more of the things that worked and reduce the things that didn’t.
“Has anything been stressing you out at home or at school lately?”
The answers to questions such as these can help you determine the source of the problem and start collaborating with a loved one to come up with better solutions.
“I am safe enough to express how I feel.”
Keeping a list of such statements at hand, such as in the “Notes” app of a phone can act as a reminder for a teen during moments of frustration or anger.
Other self-soothing activities include deep breathing, mindfulness, and muscle relaxation techniques. The 4-7-8 breathing technique simply requires someone to breathe in for four seconds, hold it for seven seconds, and breathe out for eight. Focusing on breathing in this way calms the nervous system and refocuses attention.
After a moment of passive-aggression has passed, aim to empathetically help them reflect on their actions and why they might have behaved that way. Developing awareness of patterns allows a teen to put more effective ways of coping with their frustrations into place.
For example, you could encourage them to keep a daily “anger log” in which they could write down things that frustrate them each day, including how they responded to these situations and felt afterward. By doing so, they can anticipate challenging situations and take steps to manage them before reverting to passive aggression.
Self-care helps teens focus on restoring balance and building resilience – assisting them in managing teen anger in more effective ways. Self-care works best when it’s meaningful to the person, so try to help a teen factor in daily activities they enjoy. Quality time with friends or family, watching a favorite TV program, and cooking food they love are all examples of activities that could help a teen build resilience through self-care and restore emotional balance.
One of the biggest steps in managing passive-aggressive teen anger issues is maintaining consistency. If you’re establishing boundaries around behaviors, but don’t stick to these, it can be very confusing for a teen. Similarly, reinforcing passive-aggressive behaviors and not following through on consequences may create mixed messages.
Consistency creates an environment of trust and respect which can help a teenager manage their emotions and passive-aggressive actions.
Therapy for passive-aggressive teens offers them a safe environment in which they can explore their internal world and why it affects their actions. There are a wide range of therapy options for teens with anger issues, but some of the more popular ones include:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT can help with passive-aggressive behavior in teens as it helps them manage the thoughts and behaviors behind their anger and figure out healthier ways of expressing it.
Dealing with passive-aggressive teenage behavior can be difficult to do on your own, especially if it is a well-established learned behavior, or stems from deeper issues such as low self-esteem or unresolved trauma. If passive-aggressive behavior affects your or your loved one’s quality of life, support and help are available.
Mission Prep’s team of mental health professionals offers effective, empathetic care for adolescents and their families dealing with passive-aggressive teenage behavior. We individualize treatment to each teenager’s unique needs to ensure the best chance at long-term success, including the following options:
Residential therapy for passive-aggressive teens
Reaching out is the first step towards better health, and Mission Prep is here to help. Contact us today for support and guidance.
Find out if Mission Prep is right for you by reaching out to us and speaking with one of our admissions representatives.
