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Tips for Explaining Your Absence to Friends and Family: With Scripts

Author:
Jemma Strain
Jemma Strain
B.S. Psychology
Editor:
Emma Loker
Emma Loker
B.S.
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Mental health issues are an increasingly common concern in every culture around the globe. Yet, one thing that’s almost equally as common is difficulty talking about these problems.1

Parents and children may recognize that mental health treatment is the best option for a child’s well-being and future. Yet, explaining an absence – such as for residential treatment – to family and friends might be at the forefront of their minds. They may fear judgment, feel guilty about needing treatment, and shame for being different. These concerns are understandable – but they’re also caused by stigma.2

Explaining a teen’s absence while in residential treatment may be unavoidable on occasion. But this doesn’t mean you can’t both be prepared for these conversations. A mental health professional can advise you on how to navigate these situations, but this article can also help by guiding you through:

  • How to explain a child’s mental health absence to family
  • Talking to friends about your child’s mental illness
  • Scripts for explaining mental health care to friends
  • What to say when others ask about your child’s treatment
  • How to manage judgment from friends and family about treatment
  • When to seek help for managing difficult conversations about mental health care
Explaining Your Absence to Friends and Family

How to Explain a Child’s Mental Health Absence to Family

Juggling the needs of a child who needs residential treatment for their mental health with the opinions of the wider family can be difficult. You may wonder how to explain their absence to siblings or the extended family, or even if doing so would be the right choice for their well-being. 

Research shows that the involvement of family members in inpatient treatment can improve recovery outcomes. Therefore, letting your family know what your child is going through could boost their support and help them feel more connected to home.3

What’s more, explaining a child’s absence to siblings and why they needed treatment can reduce negative effects on brothers’ and sisters’ mental health. Otherwise, they may feel confused or in turmoil as they are likely aware of a shift in the family’s dynamics.4

When explaining a child’s mental illness to family members, you could:5

  • Explain what your child’s diagnosis is and how it affects them: Educating all members of the family about a mental health condition can equip them with knowledge on how to support a loved one. Support groups and government resources can help family members understand how to advocate for a teen’s well-being. 
  • Talk about their treatment program and how it can help them get better: Siblings and other relatives may feel highly concerned about your child’s well-being. You can put their worries at ease by explaining that they’re receiving the right care for their needs. 
  • Discuss how they can be involved in treatment: If they want to be involved, family members would likely be able to visit and communicate with your child while they’re in treatment. Their desire to be there for your child may mean a lot to their recovery, demonstrating that they have support and giving them opportunities to develop social skills. 

Talking to Friends About Your Child’s Mental Health Treatment

Having close friends and confidants can lead to greater happiness and reduced risk of developing mental health conditions. Therefore, as a parent of a child in mental health treatment, this support may be more important than ever.6

You may be feeling distressed or overwhelmed, but talking to friends about what you’re going through can act as a protective buffer. Research even shows that challenges feel less difficult when we feel supported by friends.7 

However, who you choose to talk to about your child’s mental health treatment may matter more than what you say. For instance, studies show that speaking to someone you see as trustworthy and supportive can reduce the bodily symptoms of stress – helping you feel physically relaxed. In contrast, someone you don’t know as well may judge, leading to increased stress.8

There are no hard and fast rules about what to say when talking to someone you trust. But, as a general guideline, you can let them know:

  • What your child’s diagnosis is
  • How it affects their moods and actions
  • How this shift in emotions and behaviors has impacted you
  • Your worries for your child’s future 
  • What treatment they’re receiving and how it should help
  • How you’d like to be supported in the friendship

 

Just as social support is important for your well-being during your child’s treatment, it’s equally – if not more – essential to them and their recovery. Stigma and judgment are perhaps the biggest barriers a child faces when trying to heal from mental health issues.9 

Therefore, they may feel highly worried about what to say to their friends when they’re discharged from treatment. You can support them in this hurdle by helping them make scripts to protect their self-esteem and recovery.

Scripts for Explaining Mental Health Care to Friends

Your child may want to be open about their experiences and treatment with their friends on their return to the community. However, it’s also possible that they may fear rejection, judgment, and isolation from their social groups. For this reason, it may be helpful to prepare script lines for friends that cover a variety of scenarios. This way, they can judge a situation based on how they feel and their friend’s attitudes. 

Scenario #1: Your Child Wants to Be Open About Their Treatment

If your child wants to be open about their experiences and treatment, they could use script lines such as the following.

  • “Hey, I was going through some stuff. I have to say, it was pretty difficult for a while. I’ve been seeing someone to help me work through it, so I am starting to feel better, but it might take a while. It would be really nice to know I have your support.”
  • “I didn’t feel very good for a while. I felt really sad, couldn’t sleep, struggled to concentrate, and didn’t have very much energy to be with my friends. I went to see a doctor and they recommended that I try a treatment that helped me talk through my thoughts and emotions. I guess it was kind of like seeing a doctor for a broken bone.”
  • “I know everyone has their ups and downs, but I felt more down and for a lot of the time. I ended up getting a diagnosis from the doctor which meant I could finally start getting treatment. Now I’m starting to feel more like myself again.” 

Scenario #2: Your Child Doesn’t Want to Be Open About Their Treatment

Scenario #2: Your Child Doesn’t Want to Be Open About Their Treatment

If your child is uncomfortable discussing the fact that they needed treatment for their mental health, they could choose to respond to questions in the following way. 

  • “I wasn’t feeling my best for a while, so I decided to spend some time focusing on myself. Thanks for asking. How have you been?
  • “I appreciate you checking in, but I’m not quite ready to talk about that just yet. Have you seen [X/Y/Z] yet?”
  • “I’d rather not go into the details, but whatever was going on is getting better. What’s new with you?”  

What to Say When Others Ask About Your Child’s Treatment

While having someone to turn to is important for protecting your well-being, you might also find it difficult to answer questions about your child’s mental health. You might feel like other parents will judge you, like friends won’t understand, or you might not feel ready to share. All of these concerns are understandable. Dealing with a mental health condition can be very isolating – even when it’s not your own.  Further, what to say when others ask about your child’s treatment may depend on who’s asking. For instance, it may be important to give details about what they’re going through to the professionals in their life, such as teachers. Also, loved ones may be able to better support them when they know what’s going on. Yet, you might not want to disclose much to someone you know casually.  The truth is, if someone asks you about your child’s mental health treatment, you may not want to answer. But just staying silent might not be an option. So, let’s consider a few ways popular ways of responding to questions you don’t know how or want to answer.10

Reframe:

Reframing a question is a well-known strategy for buying time when deciding how to respond. It essentially involves paraphrasing the question back to the person who asked it. However, while reframing a general question might work, doing so for a question about mental health might sound odd – especially if the question was quite direct. 

Explain:

Another option for responding to questions about your child’s treatment is to be upfront. You can tell the other person exactly what’s going on and how therapy is the best option for your child’s health. Explaining and normalizing mental health issues helps to reduce stigma and improve understanding. Yet, answering this way may depend on how well you know and trust the other person. While you may be willing to be upfront with a close friend, you might not want to divulge details to a colleague. 

Redirect:

If you don’t feel comfortable answering questions about your child’s treatment, you don’t have to. Therefore, if someone you know asks how they’re doing, you could be polite, but redirect the conversation in another direction. For example, you could say “They’re doing OK, thanks for asking. By the way, I was wondering if you had a chance to watch the documentary on TV last night. I think you might like it.”

Practice:

Preparing yourself ahead of time for tricky questions is the best defense you can have when confronted. You could even practice an imaginary Q&A with yourself, picturing yourself in different scenarios and with various people. When practicing answering questions, aim to:

  • Think of the most difficult questions you could be asked
  • Prepare a couple of script lines for answering these questions
  • Decide how much detail you want to share
  • Have a rationale ready for scenarios in which you don’t want to respond

How to Manage Judgment From Friends and Family About Treatment

If friends or family judge you or your child for needing mental health treatment, it’s likely because they’re attaching stigma to your experiences. Stigma is a form of oppression that comes from a lack of understanding. Yet, it can have detrimental effects on a teen’s well-being – especially during recovery. 

Feeling stigmatized can lead a teen to turn others’ beliefs and judgments inward, contributing to a concept called “self-stigma.” This means that they may judge and blame themselves for needing treatment and feel inherently different from others.  For these reasons, it’s important to know how to manage judgment from friends and family about treatment.11

You can manage judgment in the following ways:12

  • Educate the people in your child’s life: According to research, knowing someone who has a mental health issue is one of the best ways of reducing stigma in others. Therefore, explaining a diagnosis, where it comes from, how common it is, and how it can affect emotions and behaviors can normalize mental health and manage judgment. 
  • Encourage them to be conscious of their language: Our brains are wired to make assumptions and associations when we hear words that we deem to be negative. Let friends and family know that stigmatizing or labeling words are no longer acceptable in this modern climate. For example, calling someone “crazy,” or “psycho,” or describing someone as a “depressed person.”
  • Draw comparisons between physical and mental health: Remind family and friends how they wouldn’t hesitate to see a doctor for a broken bone. Then introduce how the concept of seeing a mental health professional is no different for someone who has a mental health condition.
Explaining Your Absence to Friends and Family: Scripts and Tips

When to Seek Help for Handling Difficult Conversations About Mental Health Care

Explaining your child’s absence for mental health treatment to friends and family can feel like putting yourself into the analogy of the frog in the pot. If you place a frog in a pot of boiling water, the frog will recognize the threat and immediately jump out. However, if you place it in tepid water and slowly raise the heat, they don’t realize they’re in danger. While talking to friends and family may feel like you’re willfully putting yourself and your child in a precarious situation, the reality might be quite different. Friends and family can offer essential support and encouragement during difficult times – especially if we give them the chance. 

Mission Prep can help with handling difficult conversations. We offer outpatient and residential treatment options in various locations for teens who are experiencing a variety of mental health conditions. Therefore, we know how to help teens and their families steer conversations about mental health in a way that can benefit all involved. Our team is available to answer any questions you may have, so feel free to contact us to learn more. 

References

  1. World Health Organization. (2022, June 8). Mental disorders. https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/mental-disorders
  2. Corrigan, P. W., & Rao, D. (2012). On the Self-Stigma of Mental Illness: Stages, Disclosure, and Strategies for Change. Canadian Journal of Psychiatry. Revue Canadienne de Psychiatrie, 57(8), 464. https://doi.org/10.1177/070674371205700804
  3. Health Research Authority. (n.d.). Effective family involvement to improve patient wellbeing and safety. https://www.hra.nhs.uk/planning-and-improving-research/application-summaries/research-summaries/effective-family-involvement-to-improve-patient-wellbeing-and-safety/
  4. McKenzie Smith, M., Pinto Pereira, S., Chan, L., et al. (2018). Impact of well-being interventions for siblings of children and young people with a chronic physical or mental health condition: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review, 21(2), 246–265. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10567-018-0253-x
  5. Honig, A., Hofman, A., Rozendaal, N., & Dingemans, P. (1997). Psycho-education in bipolar disorder: Effect on expressed emotion. Psychiatry Research, 72(1), 17-22. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0165-1781(97)00072-3
  6. American Psychological Association. (2023, June). The science of why friendships keep us healthy. Monitor on Psychology. https://www.apa.org/monitor/2023/06/cover-story-science-friendship#:~:text=A%20review%20of%2038%20studies,C.%2C%20et%20al.%2C
  7. Schnall, S., Harber, K. D., Stefanucci, J. K., & Proffitt, D. R. (2008). Social support and the perception of geographical slant. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 44(5), 1246-1255. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jesp.2008.04.011
  8. Uchino, B. N., Smith, T. W., & Hicks, A. (2007). On the importance of relationship quality: The impact of ambivalence in friendships on cardiovascular functioning. Annals of Behavioral Medicine, 33(3), 278-290. https://doi.org/10.1007/BF02879910
  9. World Health Organization. (2024, June 26). The overwhelming case for ending stigma and discrimination in mental health. World Health Organization. https://www.who.int/europe/news/item/26-06-2024-the-overwhelming-case-for-ending-stigma-and-discrimination-in-mental-health
  10. Stanford Graduate School of Business. (n.d.). How to handle a question you don’t want to answer. https://www.gsb.stanford.edu/insights/how-handle-question-you-dont-want-answer
  11. Dolezal, L. (2022). Shame anxiety, stigma and clinical encounters. Journal of Evaluation in Clinical Practice, 28(5), 854. https://doi.org/10.1111/jep.13744
  12. American Psychiatric Association. (n.d.). Stigma and discrimination. https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/stigma-and-discrimination

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