UNDERSTANDING
EMOTIONAL ABUSE
IN TEENAGERS
When people hear the word “abuse” they often jump to thinking about physical violence – which makes understanding emotional abuse in teenagers even more important.
It can be difficult for teenagers to understand and recognize emotional abuse; popular media regularly blurs the line between healthy communication and that which could be considered emotionally abusive. To put it clearly, emotional abuse is any deliberate attempt to scare, humiliate, isolate, or control a teen.
Emotional abuse in teens can come from a variety of different sources, but regardless of the source, it can have long-lasting effects on a teen’s social, emotional, and physical well-being. If you’re concerned that you or someone you care about is experiencing emotional abuse, help and support are available.
This page can help by discussing:
- What emotional abuse in teenagers is
- The types of emotional abuse
- The signs of emotional abuse
- How emotional abuse can impact a teen
- Options for emotional abuse recovery for teens
- Therapy for teen emotional abuse
- When to seek help for teen emotional abuse
What Is Emotional Abuse in Teenagers?
According to the World Health Organization, teenagers may be particularly vulnerable to emotional abuse due to the physical, emotional, and social changes they go through during this stage of development.2 Additionally, media portrayals of “passionate” relationships often cross the line between healthy communication styles and abuse – glamorizing and normalizing unhealthy behaviors to a teen.
Studies have shown that children and adolescents are also less likely to report emotional abuse – and instead may be more open to discussing it as adults.3 This information demonstrates the importance of protecting teenagers from this form of abuse and promoting emotional abuse recovery for teens.
The first step in protecting teens from emotional abuse is recognizing the signs of emotional abuse – and how it can happen in a variety of different relationships and circumstances.
Types of emotional abuse
Parents or caregivers- Romantic partners
- Friends
- Teachers or mentors
- Colleagues
As emotional abuse can take many forms, we cover some of these to help raise awareness.4-6
Verbal Abuse
This form of emotional abuse involves using words to humiliate, degrade, manipulate, or control someone. Verbal abuse can be obvious, such as shouting, name-calling, or yelling profanities. However, it can also be subtle, such as guilt-tripping to make someone act in a desired way. When verbal abuse is subtle, it can make someone doubt themselves and wonder whether they’re overreacting.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a form of “coercive control,” meaning that it’s used to make people do things they wouldn’t normally do. It’s a way of making someone doubt their sense of reality and forcing dependence on the perpetrator. This form of emotional abuse tends to happen very gradually – so the target often doesn’t notice or else thinks it’s harmless. However, over time, they can lose their sense of self.
Isolation
Isolation can happen when someone attempts to prevent someone from contacting family or friends, or from accessing services such as educational support. Isolation can be difficult to detect at the start, but the aim is to make a target completely dependent on the abuser.
Violating Boundaries or Privacy
Often called “love-bombing” in the early stages of a romantic relationship, someone may push a partner to move faster than they are comfortable with – either emotionally or physically. Also, searching through belongings, reading text messages, or going through social media accounts are signs of this form of emotional abuse.
Control
Acting possessive or attempting to control who someone sees, what they wear, and what they do is another form of abuse. This might include constantly monitoring actions, such as texting or calling all the time or becoming upset or angry if the person wants to spend time with others.
Bullying
Bullying can take many forms, but it’s a form of intimidation which can include name-calling, insults, threats, and so on – all of which are designed to make a target feel powerless.
Signs of Emotional Abuse in Teens
The signs of emotional abuse can be like a shadow – it’s constantly there, but not always obvious to others. Sometimes, the signs of emotional abuse can even come across as “normal” teenage behaviors, so they can be difficult to detect.
The following signs may indicate emotional abuse in a teen:3
- A drop in self-esteem and confidence
- Seeming anxious, sad, hopeless, or withdrawn
- Becoming more isolated from friends and family
- People-pleasing or fear of letting people down
- Perfectionism
- Reduced engagement in activities they previously enjoyed
- Difficulties maintaining relationships
- Mood swings, such as seeming fine one moment and upset or angry the next
- Changes in appetite
- Seeming tired (due to potential loss of sleep)
- Internalizing behaviors, such as self-harming
It’s important to note that, while these signs can indicate emotional abuse in teens, they could also be due to unrelated issues. Adolescence is a “second window” of development when teens go through many physical, emotional, and social changes. However, if you suspect someone you care about is experiencing emotional abuse, it’s important to let them know that support is available if they need it.
Impact of Emotional Abuse on Kids and Teens
The impact of emotional abuse on kids and teens can be highly destructive; a relationship that is supposed to be loving instead makes them feel confused, scared, and controlled. Emotional abuse affects the brain and body in both long and short-term ways, highlighting the importance of seeking support.
The Short-Term Effects of Emotional Abuse7
- Physical ailments: Teens who experience emotional abuse are more likely to experience physical problems such as stomach aches, digestive issues, and muscle pains.
- Outward signs: Emotional abuse may cause teens to become more withdrawn, appear doubtful about themselves, and be less willing to participate in activities they previously enjoyed.
- Internal effects: A teen may feel confused, shameful, isolated, lonely, and fearful of making mistakes.
The Long-Term Effects of Emotional Abuse7-12
- Changes to the brain: Studies show that changes to the brain caused by emotional abuse can lead to difficulties managing emotions, and reduced ability to understand those of others.
- Behavioral changes: According to research, school-aged children (including teens) who experience emotional abuse tend to show changes in their behavior. These changes can even mimic traits of attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and can affect their academic performance and relationships.
- Mental health issues: Psychological or emotional abuse has been shown to lead to mental health problems in adolescence, such as social anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). As emotional abuse can also cause high amounts of self-criticism, it also increases the risk of developing an eating disorder.
- Relationship difficulties: Emotional abuse can influence how teens see themselves in relationships and their ability to tolerate unhealthy behaviors. They may doubt their worth and fear abandonment or rejection – so they might people-please and not tend to their own needs. Previous emotional abuse might also cause them to distrust others, even when they demonstrate that they’re supportive.
- Low self-esteem: Being regularly told or led to believe negative things about themselves can change how a teen sees themselves. They may feel shame about who they are as a person, leading them to hide aspects of their personality, doubt themselves and their thoughts and opinions, and feel like they’re less deserving or “worthy” than everyone else.
- Physical health problems: Research has shown that emotional abuse can lead to long-term physical pain, including muscle pain, headaches, and digestive issues such as irritable bowel syndrome (IBS).
As is clear from the short and long-term impacts of emotional abuse on kids and teens, immediate support is important for helping anyone experiencing emotional abuse heal and recover.
Emotional Abuse Recovery for Teens
If you or someone you know has experienced emotional abuse in the past or is currently experiencing it, support and help are available. Professional health treatment can help a teen regain control over their life and well-being, enhancing their overall health and happiness.
If you’re currently experiencing emotional abuse, there are support lines you can call for guidance. You are not alone – there are people who can help. There are also specifically designed resources available for teens who are experiencing emotional abuse.
Emotional abuse is never your fault. However, it can cause people to cope with it in ways that further damage their self-esteem and well-being. A trained therapist can help you develop coping techniques for your unique situation, but there are ones you can practice in the meantime.
Coping Strategies for Emotionally Abused Teens
1. Talk to Someone You Trust
Talking about what you’re going through with someone you trust can help lighten your load. Adults such as parents, teachers, mentors, or mental or medical health professionals can offer support and guidance – you’re not alone.
2. Build Your Social Circle
Emotional abuse can cause people to withdraw from friends or family. Additionally, you may have been isolated from social groups you previously enjoyed. Try to rebuild previously important relationships as best you can – reaching out can help you feel less alone. Alternatively, there are support groups for people who have experienced emotional abuse. You’re not alone – other people can understand what you’re going through.
3. Practice Journaling
The following six steps can help you get started:
Find a place where you’ll be comfortable writing. This doesn’t have to be somewhere quiet, or where you’ll be alone. It can even be in a public place like a cafe or bus stop.- Think about the event you want to write about – you can write about the details of an event or your feelings about it.
- Start writing in as much detail as possible. Although writing for any length of time is beneficial, you might find writing for at least 20 minutes helpful for properly releasing how you feel.
- Once you’re finished writing, read what you wrote. Notice the sensations in your body and how your emotions and thoughts shift – are there any differences since before you started writing?
- Writing about traumatic events may naturally cause some distress. Make a plan to manage these; use the Box Breathing technique described in the previous strategy or practice self-care.
- Writing about the same event can help you process it and give you perspective. Try to repeat steps 1-5 over the next couple of days and continue to notice how your thoughts and feelings shift.
4. Try Breathwork
Breathe in slowly to a count of four. Feel your lungs expand as air enters them- Hold onto the breath for four seconds
- Release the breath slowly through your mouth for four seconds
- Repeat the previous steps until you feel more relaxed and centered
You can repeat the Box Breathing method as many times as you like until your body and mind feel more balanced. Thirty seconds to a minute of this technique can make a big difference to how in control you feel.
Therapy for Teen Emotional Abuse
If you or someone you care about has experienced emotional abuse, know that there is support available to you. Healing from emotional abuse is possible, and trauma-focused therapy is one of the most effective things you can do for your recovery.
Some of the most recommended forms of therapy for emotional abuse in teenagers are:
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT’s evidence-based approach can help people heal from trauma as it focuses on distressing thoughts, helps identify and process emotions, and develops coping skills.
- Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): EMDR therapy can help teens process trauma in a safe, supportive environment. It changes the way trauma is stored in the brain, reducing the impact of emotional abuse.
- Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): DBT was adapted from CBT for people who struggle with strong or difficult emotions and can help teenagers who have experienced emotional abuse by teaching them practical ways of managing emotions and stress.
- Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) Therapy: TMS’ non-invasive approach can reduce the symptoms of trauma by rebalancing the brain, promoting a more stable mood and better well-being.
- Trauma-Focused Mindfulness Therapy: Trauma-informed mindfulness is better than typical mindfulness for people who have experienced trauma. Studies have shown that regular mindfulness can actually increase anxiety in people who have experienced intensely distressing events.14 However, trauma-informed mindfulness with a trained therapist can help you feel safe without triggering reminders of your trauma.
When to Seek Help for Emotional Abuse in Teenagers
If you or someone you care about is experiencing emotional abuse, it’s important to seek help as soon as possible. Talking to a trusted adult is one of the best steps you can take. This person could be a parent, caregiver, teacher, mentor, or medical or mental health professional – they can support you in getting the help you need. You are not alone in this experience and Mission Prep can help.
Mission Prep’s team of trained professionals offers individualized, effective care for teens who have experienced emotional abuse. We aim to understand each teenager’s needs to provide the best form of treatment for them – in a safe, empathetic way.
Reaching out is the first step towards better health, and Mission Prep is here to help. Contact us today for support and guidance.
References
1. National Domestic Violence Hotline. (n.d.). What is emotional abuse? The Hotline. Retrieved from https://www.thehotline.org/resources/what-is-emotional-abuse/
2. World Health Organization. (n.d.). Adolescent mental health. Retrieved from https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/adolescent-mental-health
3. Kumari, V. (2020). Emotional abuse and neglect: Time to focus on prevention and mental health consequences. The British Journal of Psychiatry, 217(5), 597. https://doi.org/10.1192/bjp.2020.154
4. Karakurt G, Silver KE. Emotional abuse in intimate relationships: the role of gender and age. Violence Vict. 2013;28(5):804-821. doi:10.1891/0886-6708.vv-d-12-00041
5. University of Edinburgh. (n.d.). What is domestic abuse and coercive control? Retrieved from https://reportandsupport.ed.ac.uk/pages/what-is-domestic-abuse-and-coercive-control
6. American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Gaslight. In APA Dictionary of Psychology. Retrieved from https://dictionary.apa.org/gaslight
7. Iram Rizvi, S. F., & Najam, N. (2014). Parental Psychological Abuse toward children and Mental Health Problems in adolescence. Pakistan Journal of Medical Sciences, 30(2), 256. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3998989/
8. Heim, C. M., Mayberg, H. S., Mletzko, T., Nemeroff, C. B., & Pruessner, J. C. (2013). Decreased cortical representation of genital somatosensory field after childhood sexual abuse. American Journal of Psychiatry, 170(6), 616–623. https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.ajp.2013.12070950
9. Maguire, S. A., Williams, B., Naughton, A. M., Cowley, L. E., Tempest, V., Mann, M. K., Teague, M., & Kemp, A. M. (2015). A systematic review of the emotional, behavioural and cognitive features exhibited by school-aged children experiencing neglect or emotional abuse. Child: Care, Health and Development, 41(5), 641-653. https://doi.org/10.1111/cch.12227
10. Waller, G., Corstorphine, E., & Mountford, V. (2007). The Role of Emotional Abuse in the Eating Disorders: Implications for Treatment. Eating Disorders, 15(4), 317–331. https://doi.org/10.1080/10640260701454337
11. You, D. S., Albu, S., Lisenbardt, H., & Meagher, M. W. (2018). Cumulative Childhood Adversity as a Risk Factor for Common Chronic Pain Conditions in Young Adults. Pain Medicine: The Official Journal of the American Academy of Pain Medicine, 20(3), 486. https://doi.org/10.1093/pm/pny106
12. Park, S. H., Videlock, E. J., Shih, W., Presson, A. P., Mayer, E. A., & Chang, L. (2016). Adverse Childhood Experiences are Associated with Irritable Bowel Syndrome and Gastrointestinal Symptom Severity. Neurogastroenterology and Motility : The Official Journal of the European Gastrointestinal Motility Society, 28(8), 1252. https://doi.org/10.1111/nmo.12826
13. Niles, A. N., Haltom, K.E., Mulvenna, C.M., Lieberman, M.D., Stanton, A.L. (2014). Randomized controlled trial of expressive writing for psychological and physical health: the moderating role of emotional expressivity. Anxiety Stress Coping 27(1):1-17.
14. Britton, W. B., Lindahl, J. R., Cooper, D. J., Canby, N. K., & Palitsky, R. (2021). Defining and Measuring Meditation-Related Adverse Effects in Mindfulness-Based Programs. Clinical Psychological Science. https://doi.org/10.1177/2167702621996340
