In the world of mental health, the word “enable” has both positive and negative meanings. As a parent, you, of course, want to do the best by your child. You want to support them, help them achieve goals, and guide them through difficulties. But at what point does helpful enabling become harmful?
When used in a positive light, enabling means to empower your child by providing them with the resources or means to overcome a problem and achieve success. In contrast, when referred to in a negative light, enabling suggests well-intentioned actions designed to help a child, but which actually fuel the problem.4
Let’s put enabling behaviors into an example. Say a teen is struggling with getting their school assignments in on time. In this case, a parent could assist them in setting up a time management schedule and putting a reward system in place. This is healthy enabling.
In contrast, if a parent attempts to resolve their child’s issues by emailing their teachers, asking for extensions on schoolwork, or completing assignments for them, they are unhealthily enabling them.
Parents who enable aren’t coming from a bad place. Research suggests they may be doing so to change an undesirable situation, regain control, or feel stable. These parents typically want to protect their children from harm or from having to face negative consequences for their actions. However, when it comes to mental health issues, enabling can prevent a teen from recognizing and acknowledging that they need help and support.5,6
If you’re unsure whether you’re enabling your child or supporting them in a healthy way, the following guidelines can help.
