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Recognizing Codependency in Teens: When Helping Turns into Enabling

Jemma Strain
Published: 04/25/2025 | Updated: 06/26/2025
Authored by: Jemma Strain, B.S. Psychology
Edited by: Emma Loker, BSc, PgDip
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Codependency can be defined as an unhealthy devotion to a relationship at the cost of someone’s needs – and can happen in many different types of relationships. Codependency can lead to enabling behaviors, which can damage a teen’s willingness to seek mental health treatment. 

The American Psychological Association (APA) defines “enabling” as contributing to maladaptive or compulsive behaviors. Therefore, in a codependent relationship, someone might enable behaviors that continue a mental health condition because they’re either in denial of the problem or want to protect the teen. Either way, enabling can act as a barrier to receiving timely treatment for mental health issues.  

It’s important to note that popular media sometimes stigmatizes healthy relationship behaviors as “codependent.” It’s OK – and encouraged – to be loving and supportive to your child, especially if they’re receiving mental health treatment. As humans, we don’t just want to bond with others, we need it. Yet, it just may be important to recognize when helping turns into enabling. 

If you’re concerned that you and your child are caught in a codependency trap, a mental health professional can help you understand how to break free. This article can also help by discussing:

  • The link between codependency and teen mental health
  • Recognizing unhealthy emotional dependence in teens
  • Parental enabling behaviors
  • Breaking the cycle of codependency in teens
  • Therapy for codependent family dynamics
Recognizing Codependency in Teens

Codependency and Teen Mental Health

Codependency, also known as “relationship addiction,” happens when you focus so much on fixing someone else’s life that you forget to take care of your own. You keep helping and rescuing them, even when it hurts you. In a parent-child dynamic, you may sacrifice your own needs and desires for those of your child – but go beyond what is considered healthy and helpful. It’s also possible for this role to be reversed, such as when a child tends to their parent’s needs and becomes “parentified,” or assumes adult roles.1

Codependency is also known as relationship addiction because the “giver” in the relationship often needs to be needed, and the “taker” requires their support. When it comes to a teenager’s mental health, a parent feeling the desire to be needed is very understandable. Many aspects of their child’s life have shifted, so feeling like their support is valued can be highly meaningful. 

However, codependency in teens can be highly damaging to their mental health and self-esteem, weakening their ability to take responsibility for their symptoms and accept treatment. Additionally, it can impact their ability to lead mutually satisfying relationships later in life.2,3

It’s natural for you and your child to want to depend on each other during hard times. However, if you’re concerned that your support has turned into enabling, the following signs of unhealthy emotional dependence may help you recognize if this is the case.

Recognizing Unhealthy Emotional Dependence in Teens

As a parent, you may feel responsible for your child’s emotional and physical well-being, but if this feeling of responsibility goes too far, unhealthy emotional dependence in teens could develop. 

It’s good to note that codependency is a learned behavior. Therefore, if you suspect that you are enabling your child, you both might share similar signs of codependency. Being aware of this means you can take steps to break this cycle. The following signs of codependency in teens can help.

Teen Codependency Signs:

  • Lack of sense of self: People with co-dependent tendencies tend not to fully understand who they are as individuals. They may even feel like their personality depends on the other person in the relationship. A lack of sense of self might also include struggling to pinpoint emotions. 
  • Difficulties making decisions: In a codependent relationship, a teen might not feel capable of making decisions for themselves. They may have relied on someone else taking on difficult choices, so they might feel like their own opinions are wrong or unimportant.
  • Resentment: Having someone else make all the important decisions in their life – or covering for their symptoms – could lead to feelings of resentment. Further, recognizing that the relationship is mutually dependent could also cause feelings of discontent. 
  • Isolation: When a teen is codependent, they’re overly dependent on one person for meeting their needs. This may mean they don’t feel comfortable making connections with other people or lack the desire or time to. 
  • People-pleasing: A teen in a codependent relationship may be highly attentive to another person’s needs. Therefore, they may disguise their true opinions or feelings to make sure this person is happy. In the case of a mental health condition, this may mean pushing down symptoms, such as depression and hopelessness. 
  • Guilt: A codependent teen may feel guilty if they want or try to spend time with people outside the codependent relationship. 

If you’re still unsure whether you and your teen are caught in a codependent cycle, the following descriptions of enabling behaviors may help clarify the issue further.

Parental Enabling Behaviors: When Helping Becomes Harmful

In the world of mental health, the word “enable” has both positive and negative meanings. As a parent, you, of course, want to do the best by your child. You want to support them, help them achieve goals, and guide them through difficulties. But at what point does helpful enabling become harmful?

When used in a positive light, enabling means to empower your child by providing them with the resources or means to overcome a problem and achieve success. In contrast, when referred to in a negative light, enabling suggests well-intentioned actions designed to help a child, but which actually fuel the problem.4

Let’s put enabling behaviors into an example. Say a teen is struggling with getting their school assignments in on time. In this case, a parent could assist them in setting up a time management schedule and putting a reward system in place. This is healthy enabling. 

In contrast, if a parent attempts to resolve their child’s issues by emailing their teachers, asking for extensions on schoolwork, or completing assignments for them, they are unhealthily enabling them. 

Parents who enable aren’t coming from a bad place. Research suggests they may be doing so to change an undesirable situation, regain control, or feel stable. These parents typically want to protect their children from harm or from having to face negative consequences for their actions. However, when it comes to mental health issues, enabling can prevent a teen from recognizing and acknowledging that they need help and support.5,6

If you’re unsure whether you’re enabling your child or supporting them in a healthy way, the following guidelines can help.  

Enabling vs Supporting a Teen

Supporting a teen through their mental health recovery is important for their success. Studies have shown that social support can promote commitment to treatment and reduce the risk of relapsing into previous ways of thinking and acting.7

In contrast, enabling protects teens from the consequences of their actions, meaning that they may be less likely to seek treatment for mental health issues. However, you can still support them through their difficulties and empower them toward recovery without enabling. 

If you’re unsure if you’re enabling or helping, asking yourself the following questions can help:4,8

  • Am I denying the extent of the problem to prevent conflict or arguments?
  • Do I make up excuses for their behaviors?
  • Do I cover for them to protect myself or them from shame or embarrassment?
  • Am I taking over their tasks or responsibilities (such as household chores or schoolwork)?
  • Do I find myself afraid for them, or convinced that they cannot handle a situation without falling apart?
  • Do I have a need to be needed by my child?

If the answers to these questions are mostly “Yes,” then you may be enabling your child. If this is the case, try not to be too hard on yourself. It’s natural for a parent to want to shield their child from harm and protect their self-esteem. However, in the interests of their mental health, you may need to understand the difference between enabling vs supporting a teen. 

When teenagers feel they can stand on their own two feet, their outcomes for mental health recovery improve. They feel less impacted by stigma and are more engaged in treatment.10

If you would like to better understand whether you’re supporting a teen or enabling them, a mental health professional can clarify your situation and give you tips for providing healthy support. The following section on breaking the cycle of codependency in teens can also help. 

Breaking the Cycle of Codependency in Teens

It’s possible to find a healthy balance between supporting your teen and helping them feel empowered. The following steps can help. 

Get to the Root of the Issue:

If you suspect that you’re in a codependent relationship with your teen, it’s good to be aware that codependency is often a learned behavior. For this reason, it may be important to reflect on your early relationships and how these may have influenced your actions. For example, certain attachment styles are associated with an increased likelihood of codependency. Early relationships can create ingrained trauma. Thus, if this is the case for you, it may be important to talk to a mental health professional about your concerns.

Work on Self-Esteem:

Research suggests that the actions of both people in a codependent relationship may be linked to low self-esteem. Learning how to meet your own needs, challenging negative thoughts and beliefs, and establishing boundaries can help you and your child work towards healthy self-esteem and relationship dynamics. A mental health professional can also help you get to the bottom of why you have low self-esteem and learn how to value yourself better.10

Promote Responsibility – But Don’t Take Over:

Giving a teen responsibility in their own life and well-being can boost their self-esteem – and improve mental health symptoms. As a parent, you can help your child take on responsibility for their mental health without taking on the burden of their recovery. You can still support them by providing empathy during their treatment, but not in ways that deter their independence.11 For example, you could offer to help them find resources, such as professional mental health support. Additionally, it’s OK to point out when a belief or a behavior is destructive to their well-being – encouraging denial of a problem can act as a barrier to recovery.

Set Boundaries:

Boundary setting, especially if you’re used to enabling your child, can be difficult. However, boundaries allow us to feel safe and respected. Without them, we can feel stressed or even taken advantage of. Additionally, evidence shows that when parents have boundaries in their relationship with their child, the child’s mental health and behaviors improve. Therefore, if your teen is receiving mental health treatment, establishing healthy boundaries could improve their healing process.12,13 To set boundaries, think about the areas you need to protect. Does your teen exhibit certain behaviors that make you feel annoyed, concerned, or violated? If so, consider which boundary is being violated and how. 

Build Your Tolerance:

Enabling can come from low distress tolerance, but can also lead to a low tolerance to frustration. If you’re trying to support your child without enabling them, you may need to develop tolerance strategies. One evidence-based way of doing this is seeking professional support. Certain therapies, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), are proven to help people develop distress tolerance and improve their well-being. Additionally, family therapy with your teen could help you recognize enabling behaviors and how to break them.4,14

Seek Professional Mental Health Support

As mentioned, codependent behaviors can be caused by trauma, such as from early relationship dynamics. Trauma can be difficult to overcome by yourself – and you don’t have to. Mental health professionals are very familiar with the effects of trauma and how it can lead to codependency. They can empathetically support you and your teen in breaking this cycle and shifting toward a healthy, mutually fulfilling relationship.

Therapy for Codependent Family Dynamics

If you’re unsure about the cause of codependent family dynamics and how to overcome them, professional mental health support can help. A therapist can talk you through options for overcoming codependency and reaching better well-being. 

The following therapies can be used for codependent family dynamics.

  • Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): CBT can help people target the thoughts, beliefs, and actions underlying codependent behaviors. 
  • Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR): If codependency is rooted in previous trauma, EMDR can change how memories are stored in the brain, helping people move past trauma and form more positive beliefs and behaviors.
  • Interpersonal therapy: Interpersonal treatments, such as family therapy, can help to increase family support during mental health treatment while reducing codependent behaviors. Additionally, if a teen has difficulties communicating with others, interpersonal therapy can help them work through issues and figure out better ways of expressing themselves to improve their mental health.
  • Support Groups: Mission Prep provides a variety of family support groups that discuss how to be involved in a teen’s care in healthy, constructive ways. Our team can happily discuss appropriate support groups for your family’s needs. 
Recognizing Codependency in Teens: When Helping Turns into Enabling

Reach Out for Mental Health Support

Sometimes, as a parent, recognizing that you need to take a step back so that your child can step up can be challenging. Changing codependent patterns isn’t always easy, but it’s possible. Mission Prep can help. 

Our team of trained mental health professionals understands a parent’s love for and commitment to a teen receiving mental health treatment. We aim to consistently provide a safe space for teens and their families to process and overcome issues. Taking an evidence-based approach to treatment options, Mission Prep’s techniques achieve the highest standards of therapeutic excellence. Meaning that a teen’s mental health is in safe hands. 

Contact Mission Prep to find out more about how we can help teens and their families overcome codependency and achieve better well-being.  

References

  1. Dariotis, J. K., Chen, F. R., Park, Y. R., Nowak, M. K., French, K. M., & Codamon, A. M. (2023). Parentification Vulnerability, Reactivity, Resilience, and Thriving: A Mixed Methods Systematic Literature Review. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 20(13), 6197. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph20136197
  2. Mental Health America. (n.d.). Co-dependency. https://mhanational.org/resources/co-dependency/
  3. American Addiction Centers. (n.d.). Signs of codependency & addiction (impacts & negative effects). https://americanaddictioncenters.org/rehab-guide/family-members/codependent
  4. Lijewski, W. (n.d.). Understanding enabling behavior and how to address it (Chapter 4). Elite Continuing Education. https://s3.amazonaws.com/EliteCME_WebSite_2013/f/pdf/PCUS02UE18.pdf
  5. Zimmerman, E. R. (2018). Preoccupied attachment as predictor of enabling behavior: Clinical implications and treatment for partners of substance abusers. Clinical Social Work Journal, 46(1), 48–56. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10615-018-0645-x
  6. U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs. (n.d.). Lesson 5: Identifying and changing enabling behaviors. PTSD: National Center for PTSD. https://www.ptsd.va.gov/apps/craftsud/lesson05/05_021.htm
  7. Lookatch, S. J., Wimberly, A. S., & McKay, J. R. (2019). Effects of social support and 12-Step involvement on recovery among people in continuing care for cocaine dependence. Substance use & Misuse, 54(13), 2144. https://doi.org/10.1080/10826084.2019.1638406
  8. Association of Intervention Specialists. (n.d.). Enabling or helping: Understanding the difference and its impact on relationships. https://www.associationofinterventionspecialists.org/enabling-or-helping/
  9. Kranke, D., Jackson, S. E., Taylor, D. A., Landguth, J., & Floersch, J. (2015). ‘I’m loving life’: Adolescents’ empowering experiences of living with a mental illness. Qualitative Social Work. https://doi.org/10.1177/1473325013510545
  10. Fisher, D., & Beer, J. (1990). Codependency and self-esteem among high school students. Psychological Reports, 66(3 Pt 1), 1001–1002. https://doi.org/10.2466/pr0.1990.66.3.1001
  11. Mergler, A., Spencer, F. H., & Patton, W. (2007). Relationships between Personal Responsibility, Emotional Intelligence, and Self-Esteem in Adolescents and young Adults. The Australian Educational and Developmental Psychologist, 24(1), 5–18. doi:10.1017/S0816512200029060
  12. Henderson, J. (2004). The challenge of relationship boundaries in mental health. Nursing Management, 11(6), 28–32.
  13. Aghamohammadi, S. (2024, March 13). How to set boundaries and why it matters for your mental health. UC Davis Health. https://health.ucdavis.edu/blog/cultivating-health/how-to-set-boundaries-and-why-it-matters-for-your-mental-health/2024/03
  14. Anxious Minds. (2024, December). CBT tools – distress tolerance skill for mental health. https://www.anxiousminds.co.uk/cbt-tools-distress-tolerance-skill-for-mental-health/