Codependency in Teens: Causes & Signs

Why do some teens seem to lose themselves in friendships or romantic relationships? As though they invest everything in making the other person happy? It’s normal to care deeply about loved ones, but when another person’s needs always come first, it could be a sign of codependency. 

Codependency is a pattern in which one person consistently sacrifices their own needs to meet someone else’s, often at the cost of their well-being. It’s often overlooked in teens, but the codependent relationships youth form can set the stage for a life of struggles with boundaries, self-worth, and emotional regulation. 

Codependency often starts with good intentions. However, if a teen is always trying to “fix” a friend or feels consistently responsible for a partner’s happiness, these behaviors could be warning signs of codependency. Eventually, codependency can lead to emotional burnout, low self-esteem, and boundary issues. 

As a parent, it can be difficult to tell the difference between strong attachment and harmful dependence. And as a teen, it can feel confusing when caring starts to feel like a burden. A mental health professional can help both teens and parents understand the root causes of codependency. This page can also help, breaking down…

  • What codependency in teens is
  • How teen enmeshment can lead to codependency
  • Other causes of codependency in teens
  • How to set healthy boundaries for teens
  • Teen codependency treatment options 
  • Where to find professional support
Codependency in Teens

What Is Codependency in Teens?

Codependency is a condition that affects a person’s ability to have healthy and satisfying relationships. Originally, the term was used to describe the partners of someone with substance use problems. However, it is now used to describe any codependent person, whether the relationship is with a partner, friend, or family member.1 

Codependence is more than everyday “clinginess.” It means an unhealthy devotion to, or emotional reliance on, a partner, parent, or other person in a relationship.2 It can affect you emotionally and psychologically, as it means that all of your energy is spent trying to make another person happy. 

Further, codependency can slowly eat away at your self-esteem and self-worth, as your entire identity slowly revolves around the needs of the other person. 

Codependency vs Healthy Support

It can be hard to know what the difference is between healthy support and codependence. However, the main distinctions include:3

  • Healthy support: Two people mutually rely on each other for support and love. They both find value in the relationship, share their emotions and needs, and have them met. They also have friends and interests outside of the relationship. 
  • Codependency: A codependent person only feels they have worth when they are needed by the other person. They may have no sense of identity or interests outside of their relationship, and often discard their own wants and needs to make the other person happy. 

Signs of Teen Codependent Behavior

Codependent relationships can go under the radar, often seen instead as strong friendships, family loyalty, or a passionate teen romance. However, unhealthy codependent relationships can take a toll on a teen’s mental health, self-esteem, and ability to make healthy connections. 

Yet, if you know the signs of teen codependent behavior, early support can be given to help teens achieve more balanced relationships. Some of the symptoms to watch for are:1,2

  • Intense loyalty to someone beyond normal mutual respect and care
  • Feeling as though they are difficult to love
  • Low self-worth
  • Excessive gift-giving to influence the other person’s mood
  • Putting someone else’s needs first and neglecting their own
  • Loss of interest in anything outside of the relationship
  • Avoiding conflict and confrontation
  • Extreme need for approval and recognition from others
  • Fear of being abandoned
  • Isolating themselves from others 
  • Telling lies to protect someone
  • Feeling responsible for someone else’s moods or actions
  • Problems with boundaries
  • “People pleasing” traits
  • Feeling persistently stressed or anxious

As listed, youth people-pleasing behavior can be a red flag for codependency. It’s a way of avoiding conflict, abandonment, and can lead to self-sacrificing behaviors. People-pleasing may also be an attempt to get teen emotional validation needs met in an unhealthy way. Their worth is tied to how others see them, and they believe that they are only “worthy” when they are of use to someone.  

Teen Enmeshment Issues

Codependency can’t be looked at without considering another related concept: enmeshment. Enmeshment can contribute to codependency, but it is a separate condition. Let’s take a brief look at what it is next. 

What Is Enmeshment?

The American Psychological Association (APA) defines enmeshment as “a condition in which two or more people, typically family members, are involved in each other’s activities and personal relationships to an excessive degree.” The APA goes on to detail how enmeshment limits or precludes healthy interaction and compromises independence and identity.”4 

To put it more simply, with enmeshment, boundaries can become blurred, and teens might struggle to create their own identity. Instead, they may become dependent on a family member. They may also feel responsible for the other person’s happiness. Enmeshment can happen in any relationship, not just in families, and can impact the type of relationships and boundaries a teen has in the future. 

How Does Enmeshment Contribute to Codependency?

As detailed, enmeshment often features blurred boundaries and excessive emotional closeness. The enmeshed person often lacks a sense of identity and looks to the other person for emotional validation and approval. These tendencies can set the scene for how a teen thinks relationships should look, meaning they may end up in codependent relationships and prioritizing other people’s needs over their own. 

What Causes Codependency in Teens?

Codependency is a learned behavior that can result from a variety of situations, including:2,3

  • Parents being absent, either physically or emotionally
  • A child being taught that their needs are less important than others
  • Teen parenting while lacking emotional development
  • A parent with chronic health conditions
  • A child or teen with a carer’s role (parentification)
  • Physical, emotional, or sexual abuse
  • Trauma
  • Childhood neglect

Each of these factors can contribute to gaps in a child’s healthy emotional development, leading them to seek out codependent relationships when they are older. 

Impact of Codependency on Teen Mental Health

You may be wondering how codependency affects a teen, especially in terms of their mental health. Let’s explore this impact in two parts: personal mental health and relationships.

Personal Mental Health

Codependency can silently cause your well-being to suffer. Teens usually discover their sense of identity during the adolescent years. However, in codependent relationships, their identity is defined through the other person. They may feel they are only valued when doing things for others, which erodes their self-worth. This can lead to a rollercoaster of emotions, as their feelings are dependent on the other person’s happiness and feedback.

As a result, self-consciousness, self-doubt, and low self-esteem can all kick in. These struggles can interfere with normal emotional development, leaving teens feeling overwhelmed. Additionally, overwhelm mixed with stress and a lack of motivation in academic work can mean that performance at school slips.2,5

Relationships With Others

Codependency can affect the way that teenagers form relationships, both in the present and going into adulthood. Fearing abandonment, they may cling too tightly to friends, family, or partners and feel possessive or jealous. They can also have trouble setting healthy boundaries and feel guilty if they do attempt to erect them. Such behaviors come down to the connection between teen self-worth and codependency, as healthy relationships begin with someone feeling whole and complete on their own.2 

Boundaries for Codependent Youth

An important part of the recovery process for adolescents with codependency is learning how to set healthy boundaries. Healthy boundaries are about protecting well-being, and can include things like time and personal space. 

However, boundary setting can feel jarring if you’re used to putting someone else’s needs before your own. Nonetheless, having healthy boundaries can build self-esteem and help you to realize your individuality. 

It’s OK to have your own needs – everyone does. It’s also ok to try and meet those needs. Therefore, to set healthy boundaries, you need to be able to identify what these needs are.

For instance, if you have a need for independence, you could set a boundary on how much time you spend with another person. Similarly, if you have a need for space, you can make a boundary around how involved the other person is in your life. Additionally, you can make rules around behaviors that aren’t acceptable to you. 

Setting boundaries can feel challenging – especially at first – but it can also transform your relationships and bring you a new level of independence and self-confidence. They protect your energy and give you a stronger sense of control. 

Sticking to your boundaries is equally important. They are there for a reason; to meet your needs and to allow you to have a healthier relationship. Open, honest communication about your boundaries ensures everyone is on the same page about what you need and what will happen if lines are crossed. 

To sum it up, setting boundaries is an essential part of building relationships rooted in respect, mutual support, and safety. 

Codependency Recovery for Teens

If you are interested in professional support for codependency recovery, we’ve got the information you need. The most effective approaches are talking therapy, which can be individual, group-based, or family-based approaches. We discuss these options in detail in the following sections.6

Individual Therapy

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can be very effective at treating codependency. It targets the thoughts and behaviors that contribute to unhealthy relationships and allows you to recognize, challenge, and change them. Throughout sessions, teenagers gain a better idea of themselves. In a way, CBT could be seen as a type of teen self-identity therapy. 

Group Therapy

The dynamics of group therapy give people the chance to create healthier relationships in a safe space, while under the guidance of a trained therapist. Different groups may offer different approaches, such as CBT. Or, they may address certain themes, such as self-awareness, creating healthy boundaries, and exploring open communication. 

Family Therapy

If the codependent relationship is family-based, family therapy may be a good choice of treatment. It provides a safe space for family members to explore patterns of relating to each other, allowing them to improve their connections. Open and honest communication is key with this type of therapy. 

Residential treatment

Residential retreats can be an effective treatment for healing codependent teens. It provides the opportunity to stay at a treatment centre with 24/7 support and care. In this safe, structured environment, therapy and educational sessions are designed to increase a teen’s self-awareness and esteem. It also allows them to discover the importance of healthy boundaries in relationships. 

At Mission Prep, we understand that every teen faces their own unique challenges. This is why we create treatment plans tailored specifically for your teen; to include the level of help and support needed to effectively help them recover from codependency. Whether they require weekly therapy sessions, a residential retreat, or something in between, we can help you find the right level of care. 

Codependency in Teens: Causes & Signs

Finding Codependency Support at Mission Prep

At Mission Prep, we specialize in helping teens and their families navigate emotional challenges like codependency. We also understand that early support can make all the difference in how adolescents form relationships and build their self-worth. 

Our experienced team of mental health experts offers a safe space for teens to develop healthier boundaries and stronger self-esteem. 

If you’re concerned about your teen’s well-being or just need some guidance, don’t hesitate to reach out. Contact us today to learn how we can support your teen’s journey toward healthier relationships and connections.

References

  1. Mental Health America. (2024, December 3). Co-Dependency. https://mhanational.org/resources/co-dependency/
  2. Sutton, J. (2024, December 31). What is codependency? 20 Signs & symptoms. PositivePsychology.com. https://positivepsychology.com/codependency-definition-signs-worksheets/
  3. Berry, J. (2024, May 22). What are signs of a codependent relationship? Medical News Today. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/319873
  4. APA Dictionary of Psychology. (2018, April 19). Enmeshment.  https://dictionary.apa.org/enmeshment
  5. Springer, C. A., Britt, T. W., & Schlenker, B. R. (1998). Codependency: Clarifying the construct. Journal of Mental Health Counseling, 20(2), 141–158. https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1999-13886-005
  6. Morrin, A. (2023, November 15). How to stop being codependent. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-s-the-best-codependency-treatment-5070487