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What to Say (and What Not to Say) to Someone in a Mental Health Crisis

Author:
Jemma Strain
Jemma Strain
B.S. Psychology
Editor:
Emma Loker
Emma Loker
B.S.
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America’s youth are experiencing a mental health crisis. Studies show that nearly 20% of teenagers in the U.S. have experienced a mental health condition, with mental health crises increasing by nearly 40% from the previous decade.1

If you’re worried that your child is experiencing a mental health crisis, it’s important to seek professional support. It can be easy to get swept up by the intensity of what your child is going through, but you don’t have to deal with the situation by yourself.

This article can also help parents understand what to say – and what not to say – to someone in a mental health crisis. It covers:

  • Effective communication in mental health emergencies
  • What to say to a child in a mental health crisis
  • Things not to say to a child in a mental health crisis
  • Language to avoid in a mental health crisis
  • When to seek help for what to say to a child in a mental health crisis
What to Say to Someone in a Mental Health Crisis

Effective Communication in Mental Health Emergencies

A mental health emergency in teens is when they show serious disturbances to their emotions and behaviors, or if they present a risk to their own safety or that of someone else.2

If you’re concerned about your child’s mental health, it’s important to familiarize yourself with emergency numbers and crisis hotlines ahead of time. If you suspect that your child’s immediate safety is at risk, it’s important not to hesitate to reach out for support. Our article, “What to Do When Your Child is in a Mental Health Crisis” can help. 

However, if you think your child is having a mental health crisis, but their life is not in immediate danger, there are steps you can take. For starters, it can help to know what to say to them when approaching a conversation about mental health. Effective communication is a cornerstone of mental health recovery, and can even improve your bond with your child.3

We cover how to communicate effectively with your child during a mental health crisis next.

What to Say to Someone in a Mental Health Crisis

Witnessing your child in distress can be incredibly difficult for parents. While you want to say and do the right thing, you might fear saying something that makes the situation worse. Approaching the conversation about mental health requires thoughtful consideration. Yet, the most important thing is that you’re there to compassionately support your child.  If you’re unsure of the right steps to take, a mental health professional can guide you. In the meantime, the following “dos” can help you understand what to say to your child if they’re having a mental health crisis.4-6  

Do Express Your Concerns

Gently approaching the conversation about your child’s mental health in a space where they feel safe and secure can help you figure out if they’re having a mental health crisis. While you can’t force them to open up, you can share that you’ve noticed a shift in their emotions and actions and that you’re concerned. Let them know that you’re there to support them and will help them get the help they need. 

Also, when expressing your concerns, it can help to use “I” statements. For example, “I feel like you’ve been overwhelmed lately.”

Do Ask if They Have Thoughts About Suicide

A parent might worry that talking about suicide will put the idea into their child’s mind, but this isn’t the case. If you suspect that your child is having a mental health crisis, you need to find out whether they pose a risk to their own safety. While it’s not uncommon for teenagers to have thoughts about suicide, it is concerning if they have made a plan. Gently, but directly, ask them if they have thoughts about ending their own life and whether they have steps in mind about how they might do it. 

 

Do Ask Open Ended Questions

Leading or closed questions can limit the amount of information you get about your child’s current mental state. Instead, asking open-ended questions gives them the opportunity to think about their answers and expand on what they’re saying. For instance, saying “Are you OK?” will give you less insight into their wellbeing than asking “How are you coping?” Plus, after you ask questions, give them the chance to think and respond before jumping in with another question. You don’t want to think they’re under examination. 

Do Paraphrase What They’re Saying

Paraphrasing is a good way of demonstrating that you’re taking what your child is saying seriously and trying to understand. Repeating what they’re saying back to them can also validate what they’re going through and make them feel supported. For example, you could say “It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed every day and that this is becoming harder to cope with. Am I right in saying this?”

Do Question How They’d Like to Be Supported

If your child is experiencing a mental health crisis, they’re likely feeling a lack of control over their life and happiness. Teenagers have a need for independence, so asking how they would like to be supported gives them back a sense of control and also helps you see how they would like help. Further, you could let them know that you’re not going to make any decisions about their care without their consent. By telling your child this, they can feel more empowered and motivated to seek support. 

Do Give Them Hope

Hope underpins a successful recovery process in mental health treatment. Even though it might be hard to feel hopeful when your teen is discussing their difficulties, it’s important that you help them see an optimistic future. Hope can make a teen feel more motivated to seek support and positive that they can recover. So, in a mental health crisis, it’s good to let a teen know that you understand they’re struggling, but they can and will get better with treatment. 

Do Reassure Them of Your Support

Hope underpins a successful recovery process in mental health treatment. Even though it might be hard to feel hopeful when your teen is discussing their difficulties, it’s important that you help them see an optimistic future. Hope can make a teen feel more motivated to seek support and positive that they can recover. So, in a mental health crisis, it’s good to let a teen know that you understand they’re struggling, but they can and will get better with treatment. 

Do Discuss Self-Care Options

Self-care during a mental health crisis can help a teen feel more capable of handling challenges that come their way. Self-care works best when it’s meaningful to a child. Ask what activities make them feel like the best version of themselves and how you can help them factor these into their routine. Also, you can discuss creating a sleep routine, healthy eating plan, and exercise program to fuel their mind and body. 

Do Talk About Professional Support

If your child is experiencing a mental health crisis, it’s important that they seek professional mental health support. A mental health professional can help you and your child better understand their mental health condition and where it comes from, as well as better ways to cope. 

Things Not to Say to a Child in a Mental Health Crisis

As important as it is to know the things to say to a teen during a mental health crisis, it’s equally essential to know what not to say. The following guidelines can help.6

Don’t Wait to Talk

If you suspect that your child is having a mental health crisis, it’s important not to wait to approach the conversation. Although talking about mental health can be hard, it can allow you to assess the seriousness of the situation and how to proceed in seeking help. Also, letting your child know that you’ve noticed they’re struggling can help them feel more seen and understood. 

Don’t Try to Diagnose Their Problem

As much as you might be sure of what mental health condition your child has based on their symptoms, it’s important not to diagnose them. Plus, it’s especially important not to say your suspicions to them. In general, parents are not mental health professionals, and there’s a lot of misinformation out there about mental health conditions. Therefore, to ensure that no inaccurate judgments or treatment decisions are made, it’s best to leave a diagnosis to a mental health professional. 

Don’t Approach the Conversation When Angry

Don’t try to talk to your teen when you’re feeling angry, resentful, or frustrated – such as after they’ve behaved in an extreme way. Approaching a conversation about mental health when in this mindset can cause anger or irritation to seep out of the tone of voice and the things we say – likely causing a teen to close up. Instead, wait until you’re calm and your words will follow suit. 

Don’t Confirm Their Worries

If your child is experiencing a mental health crisis, they might express concerns such as “What if I can’t get better?” While you might have similar worries, it’s important not to express them. Children look to their parents as pillars of support, so if you show that you’re also worried about their recovery, they might lose hope. Instead, maintain their optimism by reminding them that people with the same issues recover every day.

Don’t Judge

Teenagers in a mental health crisis frequently feel guilty and ashamed about what they’re going through. It’s important not to contribute to these feelings by saying anything that could be deemed as judgmental. Instead, validate that what they’re going through must be difficult and you’re here to help.

Don’t Over-Promise

Seeing your child distressed might lead to the temptation to make promises about their treatment. However, telling a teenager that they’ll recover “in no time” can contribute to feelings of failure and the belief they’ve let you down if recovery takes time. Instead, let them know that it might take time and patience, but they will start to feel better. 

Don’t Define Them By Their Problems

When talking to your teen, try not to say anything that could be seen as defining them by their symptoms. A teen might already feel like a mental health condition is at the core of who they are. So let them know that their emotions and symptoms are a result of their issues – not who they are as a person.

While it’s good to know the “dos” and “don’ts” of what to say during a mental health crisis, it’s also important to be aware of the type of language we use. We discuss language to avoid in a mental health crisis next. 

Language to Avoid in a Mental Health Crisis

The language we use to talk about mental health has evolved in recent years. While people might have used terms like “psycho” to describe someone in the past, it’s no longer acceptable to use mental health terms as descriptors for people. Our brains are wired to make assumptions and associations when we hear words that we deem as negative. Therefore, when talking about mental health, it’s important to keep this in mind.7

Other types of language to avoid in a mental health crisis include:8

  • Stigmatizing language, such as “crazy,” “psycho,” or “nervous wreck”
  • Labeling language, such as a “depressed person,” or “mentally ill person” – instead they are “someone living with depression” or “a person with a mental health condition”
  •  Blaming language, such as saying “Maybe if you tried a bit harder you wouldn’t be feeling so low.” Instead, acknowledging how mental health conditions lead to certain behaviors can promote more positive outcomes. 
What to Say (and what not to say) to Someone in a Mental Health Crisis

When to Seek Help for What to Say to a Child in a Mental Health Crisis

If your child is showing extreme emotions or behaviors that are far removed from their typical personality, it’s important not to wait to seek help. Professional mental health services are very familiar with mental health conditions and how they affect teen emotions and behaviors, and they understand how to take steps to help them cope.

Mission Prep can help. We offer outpatient and residential treatment options in various locations for teens who are experiencing mental health crises. Our team of trained professionals is available to discuss the symptoms of a variety of teen mental health conditions and can tailor each program to fit a teen’s unique needs. Our team is at hand 24/7 to offer advice and support on mental health emergencies, helping you protect your child’s safety and future in nurturing ways. Contact us to learn more. 

References

  1. Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality, (2022). National Healthcare Quality and Disparities Report. Rockville, MD: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Retrieved from https://www.ahrq.gov/research/findings/nhqrdr/nhqdr22/index.html
  2. Sudarsanan, S., Chaudhury, S., Pawar, A., Salujha, S., & Srivastava, K. (2011). Psychiatric Emergencies. Medical Journal, Armed Forces India, 60(1), 59. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0377-1237(04)80162-X
  3. Williams, R. (2024). Communication strategies to support people experiencing mental health issues. Nursing Standard, 39(1), 61-67. https://doi.org/10.7748/ns.2024.e12297
  4. NAMI Minnesota. (n.d.). Mental health crisis planning for children: Learn to recognize, manage, prevent and plan for your child’s mental health crisis. https://www.hslcnys.org/fosterparenttraining/NTDCThemeRes/Mental%20Health%20Considerations/MH_Mental%20Health%20Crisis%20Planning%20for%20Children_Resource.pdf
  5. Acharya, T., & Agius, M. (2017). The importance of hope against other factors in the recovery of mental illness. Psychiatria Danubina, 29(Suppl 3), 619–622. PMID: 28953841.
  6. Finch, S. D. (2020, July 28). The do’s and don’ts of supporting someone in a mental health crisis. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/supporting-someone-in-a-mental-health-crisis
  7. Fuller, K. (2022, January 18). Stigmatizing language in mental health and addiction. Psychology Today.
  8. Cox, C., & Fritz, Z. (2022). Presenting complaint: Use of language that disempowers patients. BMJ, 377, e066720. https://doi.org/10.1136/bmj-2021-066720

 

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