Attachment Styles and Ghosting: Why Teens Ghost in Relationships
Studies on ghosting show interesting findings. For instance, one claims that 51% to 65% of young people have ghosted a romantic partner or love interest. The same study also mentions that 41% to 72% of young people have been ghosted by a romantic partner.¹
These statistics are surprising, as many people claim that ghosting behaviors are an act of cruelty. However, the reality is that they could be a sign of a deeper emotional pattern playing out.
Ghosting can both come from a place of insecurity and create profound hurt. If you’re concerned about the impact of ghosting on someone you love, or what the presence of ghosting behaviors in someone might mean, professional guidance is available. This page can also help, exploring:
- What ghosting is
- How attachment relates to ghosting
- Modern dating problems that crop up in insecure attachment
- How to cope with ghosting in teen relationships
- How Mission Prep can help with adolescent relationship therapy for attachment issues
What Is Ghosting?
Ghosting is when one person suddenly cuts off all communication in a relationship without explanation. In the digital world, this might mean ignored texts, unopened DMs, or disappearing from social media interactions altogether. ²
For teens, ghosting can be confusing and painful because one day there’s a connection, and the next, there’s nothing. If a teen is sensitive to feelings of rejection or abandonment, it can be triggering to be on the receiving end of this behavior.
Further, teens can be ghosted in both friendships and romantic relationships. However, interestingly, studies show that low self-esteem may be a factor in ghosting friends, but not romantic partners.³
If your teen has been on the receiving end of ghosting behavior, you may see it as an unnecessarily cruel act. Yet, in reality, ghosting is often used as a coping mechanism – the ghoster may not be trying to be heartless. They may instead be attempting to avoid conflict or manage overwhelming feelings, or might simply not know how to end a relationship respectfully.
Regardless of the reasons behind it, studies show that ghosting can have a negative impact on both the ghoster and the ghostee. For instance, those doing the ghosting may feel both guilt and relief, whereas ghostees express hurt and sadness, and also have their fundamental needs of belonging and self-esteem threatened.⁴
Teen brains are still building the skills to manage intense emotions and navigate complex social situations.⁵ Without strong communication tools, disappearing can feel like the simplest or safest option. But for the person on the receiving end, a lack of closure often leaves questions that aren’t easily answered.
Emotional Effects of Ghosting on Teens:
As ghosting is a sudden withdrawal from a relationship, a teen could experience significant impacts on their mental well-being and self-esteem. These can include the following short- and long-term effects:
- Short-term effects: Confusion, self-doubt, and rumination about “what went wrong.”
- Long-term effects: Increased distrust in future relationships, reluctance to open up, and reinforced insecure attachment patterns.
When teens are already navigating attachment trauma, ghosting can feel like a replay of earlier abandonment or rejection experiences. The following section explores the link between attachment styles and ghosting further.
The Link Between Attachment Styles and Ghosting Behavior
Attachment theory, a framework that describes how we form and maintain close relationships, can help explain why teens ghost in relationships.
The patterns of emotional connection teens develop with parents or caregivers often influence how they behave in dating and friendships.⁶ These patterns are called “attachment styles,” and the following information breaks down their relationship with ghosting into simplistic explanations.
- Secure attachment: Securely attached teens usually feel comfortable expressing needs, having difficult conversations, and ending relationships directly. This is because, due to their formative experiences, a securely attached teen tends to enjoy emotional intimacy and trust in others.⁶ Ghosting is less common in this group because they typically have confidence in their ability to manage conflict.
- Avoidant attachment: Avoidant attachment and ghosting tendencies often go hand in hand. Teens with avoidant attachment may distance themselves when a relationship feels too emotionally close or when they sense conflict on the horizon.⁷ In other words, for teens with avoidant attachment, ghosting can feel like a quick escape from vulnerability and the risk of rejection.
- Anxious attachment: Anxious attachment and fear of rejection can also play a role in ghosting. Research indicates that people with anxious attachment are more often ghosted than people with some other styles, but this doesn’t mean they never ghost others.⁸ While anxious teens are more likely to cling than withdraw, they may ghost if they feel too exposed, embarrassed, or convinced the other person is about to reject them first.
It’s good to note that disorganized attachment patterns often alternate between the avoidant and anxious dimensions. Therefore, the presence of ghosting behaviors may depend on someone’s unique background and current circumstances.
The following section takes a closer look at how avoidant and anxious attachment dating patterns could contribute to ghosting.
Avoidant vs Anxious Attachment in Dating: Patterns That Link to Ghosting
In adolescent relationships, avoidant vs anxious attachment in dating often leads to mismatched expectations.¹⁰ For example:
- An anxious partner typically craves closeness, frequent communication, and reassurance
- On the other hand, an avoidant partner may enjoy connection but could feel uncomfortable when emotional needs become intense or constant
Most teens aren’t aware of attachment styles or how people with two different templates for relationships might experience challenges if they’re not addressed or understood. Therefore, a mismatch can set the stage for ghosting.
For example, an anxious teen’s pursuit of closeness may feel overwhelming to an avoidant teen, prompting withdrawal. In contrast, an avoidant teen’s silence can feel devastating to an anxious teen, who interprets it as a threat of abandonment. As a result, they may push for even more intimacy.
Helping teens recognize these patterns doesn’t mean labeling one person as “the problem.” Instead, it’s about developing self-awareness. Both sides can learn to pace the relationship, communicate boundaries, and recognize when a fear-driven reaction, like ghosting, is taking over.
Why Ghosting Happens in Insecure Attachment
Ghosting often happens in insecure attachment because of how these attachment types learned to respond to emotional stress. For instance…
- Teens with avoidant attachment are wired to reduce discomfort by creating distance. Disappearing feels like relief from pressure.
- Anxious teens may ghost as a defensive move, ending things before they feel abandoned.
- Teens with disorganized attachment (those who have both avoidant and anxious patterns) may ghost unpredictably, sometimes disappearing after intense closeness because vulnerability feels overwhelming. However, they may also suddenly reinstate contact in a push for closeness.
Understanding why ghosting happens in insecure attachment can help teens approach dating and friendships with more empathy for themselves and others. It shifts the focus from self-criticism to curiosity about what made them (or others) feel unsafe in certain situations or dynamics.
Coping With Ghosting in Adolescent Relationships
Coping with ghosting is about more than just finding a way to move on. For teens, especially those still trying to build their self-identity, it’s about making sense of what happened without turning it into a statement of self-worth.
If you’ve been ghosted in a relationship, aim to…
- Name the feelings: Anger, confusion, sadness – all of these feelings are valid. So avoid bottling them up. Studies show that naming emotions can help with regulating them.⁹
- Avoid the self-blame trap: Ghosting says more about the other person’s communication skills (or emotional readiness) than about your value. It’s important to remember this – you could even leave reminders of it in the Notes App on your phone.
- Reach out for safe support: Talking with a friend, parent, or counselor can help you process the experience and rebuild confidence without falling into negative thought loops.
If you’re a caregiver or parent of a teen who’s been ghosted, try to…
- Listen before advising: Teens may need space to share their hurt without hearing solutions right away.
- Normalize conversations about respect: Ending a relationship directly, even briefly, is a life skill worth encouraging. Talking about how it feels to be ghosted can help teens make the connection between their behaviour, potential emotional impacts, and what they do in the future.
- Encourage healthy boundaries: Help your teen understand when to stop reaching out if the other person is not responding. Reminding them of their self-worth may be a useful tool in this process.
Attachment-focused counseling for teen relationships can be especially valuable here. It helps both ghosted teens and those who have ghosted understand their relational patterns and build healthier ways of managing conflict and disconnection.
Therapy for Relationship Anxiety in Teens
Relationship anxiety can fuel both the urge to ghost and the distress of being ghosted. For this reason, therapy for relationship anxiety in teens focuses on:
- Building self-worth that isn’t dependent on relationship status or approval
- Learning to tolerate difficult emotions without avoiding them
- Practicing direct communication, even in uncomfortable situations
Therapists can also teach skills for slowing down automatic reactions. For example, pausing before deciding to block someone, or finding a respectful way to signal the need for space.
Attachment-focused counseling for teen relationships blends emotional education with practical skill-building. It can help teens:
- Understand their own attachment style and how it influences dating behaviors
- Recognize patterns, like ghosting, as signs of stress, not just personal failings
- Develop the confidence to end relationships respectfully
For parents, counseling can offer guidance on how to support teens without overstepping. This includes knowing when to listen quietly, encourage reflection, and suggest additional professional help.
Mission Prep: Adolescent Relationship Therapy for Attachment Issues
Ghosting is more than a trend. It’s a sign of how young people are coping (or struggling to cope) with the complexities of modern dating and friendships. When seen through the lens of attachment theory and teen dating, understanding ghosting becomes an opportunity for growth, healing, and learning.
If your teen has experienced ghosting, whether as the one ghosted or the one ghosting, Mission Prep offers mental health support for relationship struggles in teens that can help. Our team provides a safe space to explore emotions, understand attachment patterns, and build the skills needed for healthy, respectful connections.
We specialize in adolescent relationship therapy for attachment issues, helping teens navigate the challenges of modern dating with greater confidence, empathy, and resilience. Ready to take the next step? Reach out to Mission Prep today.
References
- Wu, K., & Bamishigbin, O. (2024). Ignorance is not always bliss: A qualitative study of young adults’ experiences with being ghosted. Personal Relationships. Advance online publication. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/380199475_Ignorance_is_not_always_bliss_A_qualitative_study_of_young_Adults’_experiences_with_being_ghosted
- Daraj, L. R., Buhejji, M. R., Perlmutter, G., Jahrami, H., & Seeman, M. V. (2024). Ghosting: Abandonment in the digital era. Encyclopedia, 4(1), 36–45. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/376834466_Ghosting_Abandonment_in_the_digital_era
- Forrai, M., Koban, K., & Matthes, J. (2023). Short-sighted ghosts: Psychological antecedents and consequences of ghosting others within emerging adults’ romantic relationships and friendships. Telematics and Informatics, 80, 101969. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0736585323000333
- Freedman, G., Powell, D. N., Le, B., & Williams, K. D. (2024). Emotional experiences of ghosting. The Journal of Social Psychology, 164(3), 367–386. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35621208/
- Arain, M., Haque, M., Johal, L., Mathur, P., Nel, W., Rais, A., Sandhu, R., & Sharma, S. (2013). Maturation of the adolescent brain. Neuropsychiatric Disease and Treatment, 9, 449–461. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3621648/
- Delgado, E., Serna, C., Martínez, I., & Cruise, E. (2022). Parental attachment and peer relationships in adolescence: A systematic review. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 19(3), 1064. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8834420/
- Mela, A. (n.d.). Ghosting: Investigating the impact of attachment styles on ghosting behavior (Undergraduate psychology project). University of Central Lancashire, Cyprus. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/389320966_Ghosting_Investigating_the_Impact_of_Attachment_Styles_on_Ghosting_Behavior
- Ganguly, S. (n.d.). A correlational study between ghosting phenomenon and social anxiety, attachment style, self-esteem among youth population. International Journal of Indian Psychology. https://ijip.in/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/18.01.117.20241204.pdf
- Nook, E. C., Satpute, A. B., & Ochsner, K. N. (2021). Emotion naming impedes both cognitive reappraisal and mindful acceptance strategies of emotion regulation. Affective Science, 2(2), 187–198. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9383041/
- Simpson, J. A., & Rholes, W. S. (2017). Adult attachment, stress, and romantic relationships. Current Opinion in Psychology, 13, 19–24. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4845754/
