Creating Safe Spaces for Military Teens to Open Up About Their Mental Health
The unique challenges of growing up in a military family can often lead to increased stress, anxiety, and other mental health issues for teens.1 As such, it’s crucial to learn how to create safe spaces for military teens so they can feel comfortable and confident discussing their mental health.
At Mission Prep, we’re here to guide you on the best way to support a teen from a military family, including how to create a safe space for military youth. To help you create safe spaces for your teen, this guide will cover:
- Why safe spaces matter for military teens
- Common barriers to talking about mental health
- How to encourage military teens to open up
- Conversation starters and communication strategies
- Resources and support for military teen mental health
Why Safe Spaces Matter for Teens
According to the National Military Family Association, 35% of military teens struggle with low well-being.2 Yet, this same survey found that around 13% of these teens didn’t access military teen mental health services. Generally, teens often don’t seek the support they need because of:3
- Limited mental health knowledge
- Social stigma and embarrassment
- Financial costs
- Mental health services not available in their area
But there’s one we’ve left out here – one which stops 68% of young people seeking support – being able to trust and feel safe in therapy.3 These stats show that building safe spaces for teens is critical to help them open up and communicate. And this doesn’t just apply to the therapy room, but at home and school, too.
As the name suggests, a “safe space” is any space that provides emotional safety. A safe space is one where you can be yourself, free from judgment, criticism, conflict, or bias, and you can share your thoughts and feelings freely, without fear of repercussions.
Safe spaces can help teens by:
- Making them feel comfortable enough to talk
- Supporting mental health difficulties like anxiety or depression
- Allowing them to express themselves freely
- Connecting them with professional resources and coping tools
So, when it comes to building trust with military youth, creating safe spaces is the first step in the process. But it’s not always this straightforward, especially when teens have obstacles standing in the way of them opening up.
We’ve talked about some of the common barriers teens in general face when it comes to accessing therapy. But military teens have additional barriers that may stop them from talking about their mental health with anyone. Let’s explore some of these next.
Common Barriers to Talking About Mental Health in Military Youth
Talking about mental health is tough even for civilian teens. Unfortunately, it’s an even bigger issue with military teens due to obstacles like the military culture, negative stigma, and even problems with authority. Let’s go through each of these in turn:
Military Culture and Negative Stigma on Mental Health
Unfortunately, military culture itself is one of the biggest barriers to mental health treatment for teens and veterans alike. One study found that 65% of combat veterans believed seeking mental health services showed weakness. Additionally, 60% believed they would be treated differently by their leaders and peers if they were open about their mental health issues.4
When adults are modeling these beliefs and behaviors, teens quickly pick up on them. Military teens may, as a result, not seek help for fear of being seen as “weak.” They may also feel the need to be “strong” and be able to handle anything regardless of how stressful it is, a phenomenon known as “toxic resilience.”
Constant Worry and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
The National Center for Children in Poverty reports that 37% of military kids with a deployed parent say they seriously worry about what could happen to their deployed caregiver.5 Military teens also experience worries in response to life events specific to military life, including constant moves and upcoming deployments.
As such, children of veterans are more susceptible to chronic stress and trauma, sometimes even resulting in post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) by proxy.6 This can make them more at risk of further mental health issues, such as anxiety and depression, as well as relationship difficulties for years to come.7
Safe spaces for military teens can be a good starting point to get them to feel confident enough to share their emotions and to begin to work through these difficulties.
Trouble Communicating Emotions and Anger Issues
Research shows that in early and mid-adolescence, teens are biologically driven to seek rewards and experience more intensely than their brains can handle. This makes it difficult to regulate their emotions and apply thoughtful decision-making.8 As a result, teens may become overwhelmed with frustration and distress and find it difficult to seek help for these feelings.
In military teens specifically, having a deployed parent can lead to issues such as:
- Lashing out in anger
- Worrying
- Hiding emotions
- Disrespecting parents and authority figures
- Feeling a sense of loss
- Symptoms consistent with depression
All of these struggles can make it challenging for parents and other trusted adults for military teens to get them the help and support they need.
How to Encourage Military Teens to Open Up
Talking to a military teenager about their mental health isn’t easy, but it is possible. To counter the belief that they need to be “strong” no matter what, they need consistent reminders – through both your words and actions – that it’s safe to share their thoughts and feelings.
Here are some effective strategies you can use to build safe spaces for military teens, so they feel safe enough to share:
1. Building Trust and Emotional Safety
Trust doesn’t happen overnight. It’s earned slowly through consistent, supportive actions and words. Trust involves being there for them, in moments when they’re feeling okay as well as moments when they’re struggling. Both scenarios show that you’re a dependable, reliable person and that you’ll always be there for them.
As well as consistency, you can also build trust and emotional safety by checking in with them often. Try checking in with them after school, during a drive, or over dinner. It’s best to do this in no-pressure situations, as this will make it a more comfortable environment to share what’s on their mind.
2. Responding Without Judgment
Military teens may expect judgment when they open up about their mental health, especially if they believe they need to be “tough” or that being vulnerable is weak. So, when military teens share their thoughts and feelings, they need reassurance that they won’t be punished or judged.
Try to approach the conversation with curiosity and acceptance. An important part of making safe spaces for military teens is letting them know their thoughts and feelings are valid, whether you agree with them or not.
3. Creating Safe Environments at Home and in School
When it comes to teen communication about mental health, there’s never a one-size-fits-all approach. Some teens might be more inclined to talk to their parents about their feelings at home, while others want to talk to a trusted teacher at school.
Therapists and counselors outside of school can also be a great resource for teens who want to open up about their feelings. Whether your child is interested in military teen therapy, one-on-one conversations with you, or something else, it’s important to meet them where they are and create a safe space for them to express themselves, wherever that may be.
Some ways you can work together with your teen to make a safe space include:
- Ask them how often they want to talk, whether it’s daily after dinner or weekly check-ins.
- Consider what feels safe to them. Around 64% of teens say they have written letters just for enjoyment.9 Perhaps your teen will feel more comfortable and safe writing a letter than speaking face to face or even texting instead.
- Work on creating a wellness routine to improve and prioritize your teen’s mental health.
- Consistently re-evaluate what works for your teens or not, and be on the lookout for any drastic changes. If your teen suddenly avoids check-ins or shuts down mental health conversations, it might be a sign of something deeper.
While these might seem like simple steps to take with your child, they make a world of difference when creating safe spaces for military teens.
While these might seem like simple steps to take with your child, they make a world of difference when creating safe spaces for military teens.
Conversation Starters and Communication Strategies
If you’ve never spoken with your teen about their well-being or mental health, you might find it daunting or even awkward at first. You might be wondering how to talk about depression with teens who have anger issues, or how to get a child to be honest and not brush off your concerns.
To help you in your communication journey, we’ve put together this section, detailing exactly how to start a conversation with military teens, and how to carry a conversation so your teen feels heard and understood.
The Importance of Active Listening
Active listening is a vital skill that fosters trust and understanding between you and your teen. It involves giving your full attention and responding thoughtfully to what they are sharing. Active listening, like all skills, can be learned with time and practice.10
This approach helps deepen the connection between you and your child and makes it easier for your teen to openly share their thoughts and experiences, even if they involve difficult subjects. By actively listening, you validate their feelings and create a safe environment where they feel understood and valued.
The Role of Open Questions
Open-ended questions are another effective communication tool that can help create safe spaces for military teens. These questions encourage your teen to elaborate on their thoughts and feelings rather than giving simple “yes” or “no” answers. They create space for reflection and more meaningful exchanges.
For instance, instead of asking, “Was your day at school good?” Ask, “How was your day at school?” This might seem like a simple change in wording, but it makes a big difference in how long the conversation lasts.
Open questions can also help teens feel more comfortable expressing themselves, particularly if they are dealing with stress, uncertainty, or big emotions.
Conversation Starters and Follow-Up Questions
Starting meaningful conversations with your teen doesn’t have to be daunting. Here are some examples of conversation starters that incorporate active listening and open-ended questions:
- “What’s been on your mind lately?”
- “How are you feeling about the changes happening right now?”
- “Tell me more about what’s going on at school (or with your friends).”
Once they start talking, use thoughtful follow-up questions to show you’re engaged and to keep the conversation flowing:
- “That sounds challenging. What do you think would make it easier?”
- “How did that situation make you feel?”
- “What do you think could help next time?”
- “Can you tell me more about why that was important to you?”
Combining active listening with open-ended questions ensures your conversations are supportive and constructive. For military teens who are prone to acting out in ways that show they are looking for more attention and connection, using active listening and open-ended questions can help alleviate these issues and provide a route for healing.11
Resources and Support for Military Teen Mental Health
Finding the “right” military teen mental health services is crucial for their well-being. At Mission Prep, our compassionate team of counselors and providers know that teens need individualized care just like adults do. That’s why we can provide a wide range of resources for military teens, including:
- Trauma Treatment: Children of parents with PTSD can also experience trauma symptoms.12 For military teens in need of PTSD therapy, we provide treatment such as EMDR therapy and trauma-informed care to help them process traumatic experiences.
- Anxiety Treatment: If your child needs anxiety treatment for panic attacks, social anxiety, or generalized anxiety disorder, Mission Prep provides specialized treatment for your child and their specific anxiety disorder. Whether it’s using CBT or another evidence-based treatment, our team will find the right therapy to help your teen cope.
- Depression and Suicide Prevention Treatment: Teens with a parent or sibling in the military are at higher risk of suicidal ideation and depression. Mission Prep wants to address that issue by providing support and resources for military families, including depression and suicide prevention therapy to help reduce the risk of suicide.
Reach Out for Guidance on Creating Safe Spaces for Military Teens
At Mission Prep, we provide outpatient and residential mental health treatment in California and Virginia for teens. Our therapists have extensive experience working with military teens and their families.
Whether you need help creating safe spaces for military teens, guiding your child through school and deployments, or other challenges, we’re here to provide guidance, understanding, and compassion every step of the way.
Call us today to discover our mental health programs for teens and get your child the help they need.
References
- Wooten, N. R., Brittingham, J. A., Sumi, N. S., Pitner, R. O., & Moore, K. D. (2019). Behavioral Health Service Use by Military Children During Afghanistan and Iraq Wars. The Journal of Behavioral Health Services & Research, 46(4), 549–569. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11414-018-09646-0
- Ryan-Edger, K. (2024, October 27). Through Their Eyes: 2024 Military Teen Experience Survey Results. National Military Family Association. https://www.militaryfamily.org/through-their-eyes-2024-military-teen-experience-survey-results/
- Radez, J., Reardon, T., Creswell, C., Lawrence, P. J., Evdoka-Burton, G., & Waite, P. (2021). Why do children and adolescents (not) seek and access professional help for their mental health problems? A systematic review of quantitative and qualitative studies. European child & adolescent psychiatry, 30(2), 183–211. https://doi.org/10.1007/s00787-019-01469-4
- Silvestrini, M., & Chen, J. A. (2022). “It’s a sign of weakness”: Masculinity and help-seeking behaviors among male veterans accessing posttraumatic stress disorder care.. Psychological Trauma: Theory, Research, Practice, and Policy, 15(4), 665–671. https://doi.org/10.1037/tra0001382
- Sogomonyan, F., & Cooper, J. (2010). Trauma Faced by Children of Military Families What Every Policymaker Should Know TrauMa FaCed by Children oF MiliTary FaMilies What every Policymaker should Know. https://www.nccp.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/text_938.pdf
- National Center for PTSD. (2020, January 14). When a Child’s Parent has PTSD – PTSD: National Center for PTSD. Www.ptsd.va.gov. https://www.ptsd.va.gov/family/effect_parent_ptsd.asp
- Selimbasic, Z., Sinanovic, O., & Avdibegovic, E. (2012). Psychosocial Problems Among Children of Parents with Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. Medical Archives, 66(5), 304. https://doi.org/10.5455/medarh.2012.66.304-308
- Murray, D. W. & Rosanbalm, K. (2017). Promoting Self-Regulation in Adolescents and Young Adults: A Practice Brief. OPRE Report #2015-82. Washington, DC: Office of Planning, Research, and Evaluation, Administration for Children and Families, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.
- Pew Research Center: Internet, Science & Tech. (2008, April 24). Teens and Their Writing Habits. https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2008/04/24/teens-and-their-writing-habits/
- Tennant, K., Butler, T. J. T., & Long, A. (2023, September 13). Active listening. National Library of Medicine; StatPearls Publishing. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK442015/
- Huebner, A. J., Mancini, J. A., Wilcox, R. M., Grass, S. R., & Grass, G. A. (2007). Parental Deployment and Youth in Military Families: Exploring Uncertainty and Ambiguous Loss*. Family Relations, 56(2), 112–122. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2007.00445.x
- Price, PhD, J. L. (n.d.). Children of Veterans and Adults with PTSD. Www.aaets.org; The American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress. https://www.aaets.org/traumatic-stress-library/children-of-veterans-and-adults-with-ptsd
