The Pressure to Be Strong: Toxic Resilience in Military Youth

June 30, 2025

Authored by: Emma Loker, B.S.

Edited by: Aja Chavez, AMFT, APCC

Resilience is a good thing, isn’t it? It means we’re able to adapt well when facing stressful, threatening, or even traumatic experiences. While healthy resilience is indeed a good thing, toxic resilience in military youth can make the act of being “resilient” something that hurts, rather than helps teens.

Toxic resilience tends to be more common in military kids because of the age-old military mindset to be “strong” and to avoid showing vulnerability or “weakness.” There also tends to be a negative mental health stigma placed on military kids.

But is the damage done as soon as a teen shows signs of toxic resilience? In short: No. As a parent or teen, it’s important to be aware of the signs of toxic resilience in teens and be aware of how you can support or get support.

At Mission Prep, we know all too well how frustrating it can be for teens to not get the help they need because of toxic resilience. To fight against the effects of toxic strength culture, we’ve put together a guide that will help you understand:

Where did “toxic strength” in military youth come from?
The manifestations of toxic resilience
Overcoming toxic strength in teens
Mental health help for “tough” teens
Getting support for toxic resilience today

Where Did Toxic Strength in Military Youth Come From?

To understand what toxic strength and toxic resilience are, it’s important to first understand what “resilience” means in terms of mental health. To be resilient means to have the ability to successfully adapt to difficult or challenging life experiences.1 There are several things that can influence how resilient someone is, mainly:¹

How someone sees and engages with the world
The quality and availability of social resources
Coping strategies

Unfortunately, when it comes to the pressure to be strong, teen military kids can sometimes be at a disadvantage. Parental and academic pressure, negative mental health stigma, and additional stress from the unique challenge of being in a military family can make toxic resilience in military youth a difficult habit to break. More on each of these soon.

Due to all of these pressures and stressors placed on teens, they may begin to suppress their emotions and feelings, leading to a buildup of stress and potentially harmful coping mechanisms. Think of someone in your life who always appears to have things under control and never seems to be stressed or unhappy. Or a person who always wants to help others but will never ask for a favor if they’re in a spot of difficulty. This pressure to always be strong and selfless is known as toxic resilience.²

Fortunately, a teen doesn’t have to struggle with toxic resilience forever – there are support strategies available. The first step in overcoming toxic strength in teens is recognizing its presence and understanding the root causes. If you’re asking yourself why military youth don’t open up, the answer lies in a combination of pressure, negative mental health stigma, and unspoken stress military children often face.

The Pressure to Be Strong as a Military Teen

Military teens may feel an added pressure to uphold a certain image of strength and resilience because of their family’s background. In a large survey conducted by the National Military Family Association, they found that emotional suppression in teens is common in military families. This tends to be because they feel they have added responsibility when a parent is away and don’t want to stress their current caretaker.³

Sayings like, “You need to step up and be the man of the house,” or added duties are all too common, and can add extra pressure for military teens.

Mental Health Stigma in Military Kids

Military culture itself can lead to toxic resilience in military youth, though it might not be anyone’s intention. Research shows that in the military, active-duty members and veterans typically have a tough time seeking help because of internalized mental health stigma. However, this same research also shows that the more positive a military leader is in supporting mental health treatment, the more likely their troops are to seek help when needed.⁴

The attitudes from above tend to trickle down to military teens, as teens may experience similar pressure to be tough and resilient, especially if this is their parents’ mindset. A 2023 military teen survey showed that 8% of military kids reported not getting the care they needed because they didn’t tell their parents, and nearly 5% did not receive needed mental healthcare because their parents were unable or unwilling to get them support.⁵

The Stress Military Children Experience

Frequent moves, school changes, parental deployments, stories of war, and other challenges are highly unique to military teens. These stressful events can have incredibly harmful consequences for some military kids, including:⁶

Increased risk of depression and anxiety
Decrease in academic performance
Elevated chance of risk-taking behavior, including drugs, alcohol, and gang-related behavior
Higher levels of suicidal ideation among children who have been through numerous parental deployments

The added stress coupled with toxic resilience in military youth can spell disaster for many teens. Like a bottle that continues to be shaken with no relief, the pressure tends to build up for these youth. And without healthy coping strategies to manage, it can be turned inward, contributing to mental health difficulties, or out, potentially leading to explosive behaviors.

However, there are ways to help military children cope with these challenges and build healthy forms of resilience.

The Manifestations of Toxic Resilience

Toxic resilience in military youth can be a bit difficult to spot, especially for parents who are used to seeing their children as strong and “brave.” However, there are certain behaviors that may signal a need for mental health help for tough teens.

Emotional Suppression in Teens

Military teen emotional pressure often goes hand in hand with toxic resilience. Teens in general often feel a need to suppress emotions due to greater concerns about the consequences of expressing their emotions.⁷ Consequences such as being judged by their military family or friends, for example.

When military teens suppress or don’t know how to manage their emotions, this can lead to serious issues like suicidal ideation and self-harm.⁸ Self-harm was reported in 26% of military teens.⁵

Other signs of emotional suppression can include:⁹

Low self-esteem
Uncertainty in expression
Self-loathing
Emotional withdrawal

These symptoms are also associated with teen depression, making it even more crucial for parents to understand the signs of toxic resilience in military youth and how teen resilience and mental health can impact one another.

Burnout in Military Youth

Burnout is described as a state of physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion.¹⁰ As a parent, it’s important to recognize the signs of burnout in military youth, which can stem from academic issues, or the need to constantly be perfect and strong. Burnout can manifest in different ways in military kids, such as:¹¹

Snappiness
Irritability
Lack of energy
Fatigue
Tearfulness
Frustration
Feelings of giving up
Headache or stomach aches

The sooner these signs are recognized, the sooner a child can get support to cope, which will prevent further burnout.

Mental Health Difficulties in Military Teens

Having a parent in the military increases a teen’s chance of needing to seek mental health services.¹² This makes sense, considering military kids might have more issues stemming from unique challenges, like toxic resilience in military youth, frequent moves, misunderstandings from peers, and so on.

Toxic resilience can lead to issues like burnout, which in turn can lead to mental health issues like withdrawal, depression, and anxiety in teens.¹³ Perfectionism, which is a hallmark of toxic strength and resilience, can also lead to more serious issues like suicidal ideation.¹⁴ If you’re worried your teen may be struggling with their mental health in silence, it is important to seek professional help immediately.

Other Effects of the Toxic Strength Culture

In addition to burnout and mental health issues, a toxic strength culture can negatively impact teen relationships. Research shows that people who are self-described perfectionists often struggle with interpersonal relationships.¹⁵

Toxic resilience in military youth and burnout can also lead to other emotional and physical health problems. More warning signs to look out for when it comes to toxic strength include:¹⁶

Heightened depressive symptoms
Diminished life satisfaction
Disrupted sleep quality
Physical complaints
School refusal
Reduced academic performance

As parents, it’s important to know that help is available for your teens. Overcoming toxic strength in teens doesn’t have to be complicated, but it does take some effort on your part and sometimes a change in approach as a military parent.

Overcoming Toxic Strength in Teens

From knowing how to talk about emotions with teens to mental health awareness, there are plenty of resources available to help military parents and their teens navigate through the challenges that come with toxic strength.

Here are some ways you can support your teen in overcoming toxic resilience:

Help Teens Talk About Their Emotions

Creating a safe space for your teen to talk about their emotions is crucial in helping them overcome toxic resilience. This can be done by:

Using active listening skills to show them that you are fully present and engaged in the conversation.¹⁷
Encouraging open communication by creating a safe and non-judgmental environment for your teen to express themselves.
Validating their feelings by acknowledging and accepting their emotions, even if you may not fully understand or agree with them.
Avoid minimizing or dismissing their feelings, as this can make them feel unheard and invalidate their experiences.

Make an effort to consistently check in with your teens about how they are feeling. Daily or weekly conversations, or simply asking them how they are doing throughout the day, can make all the difference.

Mental Health Education for Teens

Research shows that mental health education is one of the best tools to combat mental health stigma.¹⁸ There are plenty of ways parents can help educate their teens about mental health, including:

Encouraging open discussions and creating a safe space for teens to share their thoughts and feelings.
Providing resources on mental health topics such as depression, anxiety, and stress management.
Teaching coping mechanisms like mindfulness, exercise, and healthy communication skills.
Normalizing the topic of mental health by talking openly about it in day-to-day conversations.

Parents can also encourage their teens to learn more about mental health through online resources, workshops, and seminars. Mission Prep offers summer programs that can help with stability and provide mental health education for teens during academic breaks.

Mindset Shift in Military Teens

As parents, it’s our job to lead by example and create a healthy and supportive environment for our teens. Learning about mental health and how to support your teen’s well-being is an important step in breaking toxic resilience in military youth.

Parents can lead by example by being open about their own struggles with mental health and seeking support when necessary. In addition to being an example and even being vulnerable in front of your teens, it’s important to continue your own learning about mental health. Studies show that many parents have room to improve their mental health literacy, even those who actively support mental health treatment for their children.¹⁹

Mental Health Help for “Tough” Teens

At Mission Prep, we want to help provide military teens with the resources they need to get past unique challenges during adolescence. We know that one of the most crucial steps in breaking toxic resilience is breaking mental health stigma through education. That’s why our counselors are here to guide military youth on issues like:

Whether you have a military teen in your life or are one yourself, these resources and many more we offer can help you navigate the unique challenges that come with being a military family. Remember, seeking support is a sign of strength and resilience, and taking care of your mental health is just as important as physical health in maintaining overall well-being.

Get Support by Reaching Out Today

At Mission Prep, our team provides much more than just mental health education and resources for military families. Our inpatient and outpatient mental health services can guide military youth toward healthier mental wellness. Whether you’re in California or Virginia, are interested in traveling for mental health support, or want access to therapy online, our team is ready to help.

From providing trauma-based treatment for teens to evidence-based treatments like cognitive-behavioral therapy, we take an individualized approach to mental health care for military youth. We understand that each individual’s experiences and needs are unique, and we strive to create a customized treatment plan that works best for them.

Call us today via phone call to learn more about our services for military youth and to schedule an appointment. We are dedicated to supporting the mental health of military families and look forward to helping your child thrive.

References

American Psychological Association. (2025). Resilience. https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience
Mahdiani, H., & Ungar, M. (2021). The dark side of resilience. Adversity and Resilience Science, 2(3), 147–155. https://doi.org/10.1007/s42844-021-00031-z
National Military Family Association. (2008). 10 Things Military Teens Want You to Know. https://www.heroeswelcome.alabama.gov/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/CRSN_ACS_10_things_military_teens_want_you_to_know.pdf
McGuffin, J. J., Riggs, S. A., Raiche, E. M., & Romero, D. H. (2021). Military and Veteran help-seeking behaviors: Role of mental health stigma and leadership. Military Psychology, 33(5), 332–340. https://doi.org/10.1080/08995605.2021.1962181
National Military Family Association. (2023). 2023 Military Teen Experience Survey. https://www.militaryfamily.org/wp-content/uploads/2023-MTES-Mental-Health.pdf
Collins, E. (2015). Experts explain mental state of military children. Www.army.mil. https://www.army.mil/article/147786/experts_explain_mental_state_of_military_children
Wylie, M. S., De France, K., & Hollenstein, T. (2022). Adolescents suppress emotional expression more with peers compared to parents and less when they feel close to others. International Journal of Behavioral Development, 47(1), 016502542211327. https://doi.org/10.1177/01650254221132777
Prussien, K., Rosenblum, S., & Whitlock, J. (n.d.). What role do emotions play in non-suicidal self-injury? Cornell Research Program on Self-Injury Recovery. https://www.selfinjury.bctr.cornell.edu/perch/resources/what-role-do-emotions-play-in-nssi-.pdf
Cash, K. (2020, February 20). Helping Your Teenager Learn to Manage Hard Emotions. Forever Families; School of Family Life, Brigham Young University. https://foreverfamilies.byu.edu/helping-your-teenager-learn-to-manage-hard-emotions
Mental Health UK. (2024). Burnout. Mental Health UK; Mental Health UK. https://mentalhealth-uk.org/burnout/
Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. (2024, October 4). L.A. Parent: What Does Burnout Look Like in Kids and Tweens? https://www.cedars-sinai.org/newsroom/la-parent-what-does-burnout-look-like-in-kids-and-tweens/
London, A. S. (2021). Depression and mental health service use among 12–17 Year old U.S. adolescents: Associations with current parental and sibling military service. SSM – Population Health, 16, 100920. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ssmph.2021.100920
How Burnout Impacts Your Mental Health. (2023, March 28). University of Utah Health ; University of Utah. https://healthcare.utah.edu/healthfeed/2021/06/are-you-burned-out
Sohn, E. (2024, October 1). Perfectionism and the high-stakes culture of success: The hidden toll on kids and parents. Apa.org; American Psychiatric Association. https://www.apa.org/monitor/2024/10/antidote-achievement-culture
Stoeber, J., Smith, M. M., Saklofske, D. H., & Sherry, S. B. (2020). Perfectionism and interpersonal problems revisited. Personality and Individual Differences, 169, 110106. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2020.110106
Ioana Alexandra Iuga, David, O., & Danet, M. (2023). Student Burnout in Children and Adolescents: The Role of Attachment and Emotion Regulation. Children (Basel), 10(9), 1443–1443. https://doi.org/10.3390/children10091443
Tennant, K., Butler, T. J. T., & Long, A. (2023, September 13). Active listening. National Library of Medicine; StatPearls Publishing. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK442015/
Shim, Y., Eaker, R., & Park, J. (2022). Mental Health Education, Awareness and Stigma regarding Mental Illness among College Students. Journal of Mental Health & Clinical Psychology, 6(2). https://doi.org/10.29245/2578-2959/2022/2.1258
Kusaka, S., Jerome Clifford Foo, Yamaguchi, S., Yukawa, A., Arai, T., Sawamura, F., Togo, F., & Sasaki, T. (2024). A survey of mental health literacy in parents and guardians of teenagers. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 15. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2024.1295918

Tagged Authored By Emma Loker, Edited By Aja Chavez