Returning Home From Deployment: Helping Teens Adjust to Family Changes
When a parent comes home from deployment, it doesn’t always feel the way people expect. The change can stir up emotions teens struggle to name like relief, pressure, frustration, and even guilt.
Helping teens adjust after deployment starts with understanding that reunion can be just as disruptive as the time apart. Routines shift, roles change, and teens may pull away, act out, or seem fine on the surface while struggling underneath.
These are common signs of deployment return stress in teens, especially when family reintegration isn’t smooth. Supporting them means slowing down, making space for what’s real, and being ready to help when things don’t fall back into place right away.
To help you and your family adjust after a return home from deploying, this guide explores:
- The emotional impact of a parent’s return from deployment
- Understanding teen behavior changes post-deployment
- Navigating family reintegration after deployment
- When to seek support
- How to support teens after a parent’s return
- How Mission Prep can help provide support to military teens
The Emotional Impact of a Parent’s Return from Deployment
A parent coming home sounds like it should bring relief. But for many teens, it stirs up feelings they didn’t expect. Things are different now. The family has changed, and they’ve changed, too. It can be hard to know how to act, or how to feel when everything that was normal during deployment is suddenly upended.
The stress of trying to reconnect or return to an old dynamic can create emotional pressure that builds quietly. It might not be obvious at first, but it shows up over time.
Deployment return stress in teens often looks like:
- Withdrawing from conversation or avoiding home altogether
- Frustration or emotional outbursts over small things
- Trouble sleeping or changes in appetite
- A drop in school motivation or focus
- Awkwardness or guilt when trying to reconnect
- Feeling tense, confused, or anxious without knowing why
These symptoms are similar to the pre-deployment stress symptoms children and teens might exhibit in the lead-up to their parent being deployed.¹
These behaviors can come across as signs of defiance but they’re often signs that emotions are stuck or overloaded. They also often go unspoken because teens don’t know how to bring them up without causing more tension.
It’s also important to remember that not all teens will act in the same way when a family member returns from deployment. How deployment affects teen emotions depends on many things like:
- The relationship before the separation
- How things changed at home
- What happens after the return
Additionally, anxiety after a parent returns home after deployment isn’t unusual.² It doesn’t mean something’s wrong, it just means something needs room and perhaps some guidance
Understanding Teen Behavior Changes Post-Deployment
Behavior doesn’t always follow logic, especially after a big change. A teen might seem distant, short-tempered, or unusually quiet after a parent returns home. This usually means they’re adjusting in the only way they know how.
Teen behavior changes post-deployment are often responses to stress, confusion, or pressure they can’t quite explain. They might test limits, zone out, skip routines, or act like nothing matters.
During deployment, roles often change. Teens may have taken on more responsibility or built independence they don’t want to lose.³ They may have just gotten used to how things were, only for them to change again – and they may be resentful for this. What’s more, the returning parent may have expectations that don’t match what happened while they were away. This disconnect can create friction.
It’s easy to focus on the behavior itself, but it’s often more productive to ask the question: “What’s going on underneath?” Managing emotions after family changes means noticing when a teen is overwhelmed, not just misbehaving. It also means creating space before jumping in with corrections.
Let’s explore exactly what it means to help a teen through family reintegration after deployment.
Navigating Family Reintegration After Deployment
One study shows that parents who are deployed for longer than six to twelve months experience more difficulties in their family relationships with teens.⁴ Why? Because reuniting after deployment isn’t just about sharing a roof again. It’s about learning who each other has become. Deployments often last six months to a year, and for a teen, that’s a major stretch of time. When a parent returns, they may not be exactly who they were when they left – both the adult and teen.
Military service can change people. Some parents come back more withdrawn whereas others may return with a sharper edge, signs of stress, or a more no-nonsense mindset. Teens notice this, even if no one talks about it. When a parent seems different, perhaps more tired, more distracted, or less emotionally available, it can make reconnection feel uncertain or even disappointing.
A study examining families of military personnel found that the parent’s symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) after deployment were linked to difficulties in parenting – including emotional withdrawal and increased stress or irritability. These changes were observed during the reintegration phase, indicating that deployments can alter a returning parent’s emotional availability and behavior.⁵ What’s more, if a parent is showing signs of PTSD, their kids can pick up on this. In fact, they may struggle with PTSD by proxy.
Teens may also carry expectations that don’t line up with reality. They might imagine everything returning to normal right away. When that doesn’t happen, it can lead to confusion or even resentment. Meanwhile, the returning parent might expect to pick up where they left off, only to find their teen has grown more independent, cautious, or guarded.
Family reintegration for military teens is most difficult when no one names the discomfort. Silence creates more space for assumptions which can create distance. Parent reintegration in a military family requires acknowledging when things feel off, giving teens room to adjust to a parent who may not act the way they remember, and being willing to reconnect slowly, without forcing closeness before trust has been rebuilt.
Successful reintegration can also benefit from preparing ahead of time. One study shows that military parents who prepare the family for their upcoming deployment tend to talk to them more often while they are away and tend to have a more successful reintegration when they return home.⁶
But sometimes, no matter how much you prepare or how clearly you communicate, there can still be water under the bridge. When this is the case, therapeutic support can be a good option to get your family relationships back on track.
When to Seek Support: Therapy and Counseling Options for Military Families
Some families settle in easily after deployment. Others hit bumps with silence, tension, and missed signals. When reconnection feels hard and stress doesn’t ease over time, it may be time to bring in outside support. Teens and families can benefit from the following therapies:
- Individual Therapy for Teens: Offers a safe space to talk through emotions, identity shifts, and relationship stress without pressure or judgment.
- Family Therapy: Helps families talk openly about what changed during deployment, rebuild trust, and understand new family dynamics together. Research shows that resiliency, reduced child distress, and improved family functioning can be achieved through family therapy that includes psychoeducation about stress, goal setting, emotional regulation skills, family communication, and creating a narrative around deployment.⁷
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Helps teens reframe negative thought patterns that fuel anxiety or guilt, and teaches practical coping skills for managing conflict, school stress, or shifting routines. Research shows that CBT is effective in treating children and teens experiencing behavioral and emotional health symptoms linked to the deployment cycle.⁸
- Interpersonal Psychotherapy (IPT): Focuses on improving strained family relationships, especially when teens feel disconnected from a returning parent or unsure of their role at home. Research shows that family-based IPT can be effective for depression, anxiety, and parent-child conflict.⁹
- Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): Supports teens who feel overwhelmed or emotionally reactive by teaching emotional regulation, distress tolerance, and healthy communication strategies. Studies show that DBT is effective in treating teens struggling with mental health difficulties, including self=harm and suicidal ideation.¹⁰
- Peer Support or Mentorship: Connects military teens with others who’ve gone through similar transitions, reducing isolation and normalizing emotional responses. In general, peer support or youth mentorship are effective forms of therapy for conditions like anxiety and depression and are a great way for people to connect with someone with a shared lived experience.¹¹
- Parent Coaching or Co-Parent Counseling: Supports the adults in the home as they realign their parenting roles and respond to their teen’s changing needs.
Each of these supports can help with teen guidance during military transitions, especially when emotions are high and communication breaks down.
Practical Ways to Support Teens After a Parent’s Return
Support after deployment needs to go beyond asking how school is or assuming things will go back to normal. Teens often carry unspoken tension, uncertainty about how to act, pressure to reconnect, or resentment they don’t know how to voice. The strategies below may help make the adjustment real and doable:
- Re-Establish Routines Gradually: Teens may have built their own rhythms during deployment. Instead of resetting the household overnight, integrate the returning parent into shared routines over time.
- Don’t Force Emotional Closeness: Reconnection takes time. Let teens engage on their own terms and in their own timing, without pressure to be open or affectionate right away.
- Create Space for One-on-One Time: A parent’s quiet presence doing something ordinary like a walk, a drive, or a shared task can rebuild trust without requiring deep conversation.
- Use Neutral Language for Emotional Check-ins: Instead of “You seem upset,” try “How’s your week been feeling?” It opens the door without making assumptions.
- Protect Their Peer Time: Rebuilding the family doesn’t mean interrupting friendships. Social connections outside the home give teens emotional stability and a sense of control.
- Validate Loyalty Conflicts: Teens might feel torn between the deployed parent and the one who stayed. Let them know this ambivalence is common and nothing to be ashamed of. These are feelings and thought processes that can be worked through.
- Avoid Making Them the Emotional Bridge: Teens shouldn’t be the ones to smooth things over between parents. Keep adult conversations between adults.
- Monitor Quietly for Signs They’re Struggling: Behavior changes, slipping grades, irritability, or isolation can all signal post-deployment stress. Respond with calm attention, not criticism.
These small, steady efforts can help rebuild safety and connection without overwhelming teens.
Reach Out to Mission Prep for Professional Teen Guidance During Military Transitions
Military transitions affect the whole family, but teens often feel it most. At Mission Prep, we offer specialized support to help adolescents manage the emotional and relational challenges that come with a parent’s return from deployment.
So, whether your teen needs therapy (in-person or online), guidance, or simply a space to process, our team is here to help. We offer residential treatment programs for more round-the-clock support as well as outpatient services that fit around a teen’s schedule, and a whole wealth of other services in-between.
You can also check out our pages, all directed toward teens in military families:
Call us today to learn more or schedule a confidential consultation.
References
- Naval Families Federation. (n.d.) Making sense of the emotional cycle of deployment for children. https://nff.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/Homeport-pull-out-Making-Sense-of-the-Emotional-Cycle-of-Deployment.pdf
- Creech, S. K., Hadley, W., & Borsari, B. (2014). The impact of military deployment and reintegration on children and parenting: A systematic review. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 45(6), 452–464. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4383395/
- Milburn, N. G., & Lightfoot, M. (2013). Adolescents in wartime US military families: A developmental perspective on challenges and resources. Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review, 16(3), 266–277. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3754801/
- Nicosia, N., Wong, E., Shier, V., Massachi, S., & Datar, A. (2017). Parental deployment, adolescent academic and social-behavioral maladjustment, and parental psychological well-being in military families. Public Health Reports, 132(1), 93–105. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5298505/
- University of Northern Iowa. (n.d.). Helping children cope with military deployment. ScholarWorks. Retrieved June 16, 2025, from https://scholarworks.uni.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=5463&context=grp&utm
- Meadows, S. O., Tanielian, T., Karney, B., Schell, T., Griffin, B. A., Jaycox, L. H., Friedman, E. M., Trail, T. E., Beckman, R., Ramchand, R., Hengstebeck, N., Troxel, W. M., Ayer, L., & Vaughan, C. A. (2017). The Deployment Life Study: Longitudinal analysis of military families across the deployment cycle. RAND Health Quarterly, 6(2), 7. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5568161/
- Creech, S. K., Hadley, W., & Borsari, B. (2014). The impact of military deployment and reintegration on children and parenting: A systematic review. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 45(6), 452–464. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4383395/#:~:text=Project%20FOCUS,focus%2Dworld%2Dintro
- Esposito-Smythers, C., Wolff, J., Lemmon, K. M., Bodzy, M., Swenson, R. R., & Spirito, A. (2011). Military youth and the deployment cycle: Emotional health consequences and recommendations for intervention. Journal of Family Psychology, 25(4), 497–507. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3156864/
- Dietz, L. J., Weinberg, R. J., Brent, D. A., & Mufson, L. (2015). Family-based interpersonal psychotherapy for depressed preadolescents: Examining efficacy and potential treatment mechanisms. Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 54(3), 191–199. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4347931
- Syversen, A. M., Schønning, V., Fjellheim, G. S., Elgen, I., & Wergeland, G. J. (2024). Evaluation of dialectical behavior therapy for adolescents in routine clinical practice: A pre-post study. BMC Psychiatry, 24(1), 447. https://bmcpsychiatry.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12888-024-05876-z
- Simmons, M. B., Cartner, S., MacDonald, R., Whitson, S., Bailey, A., & Brown, E. (2023). The effectiveness of peer support from a person with lived experience of mental health challenges for young people with anxiety and depression: A systematic review. BMC Psychiatry, 23(1), 194. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10038377/
