What Is Banksying in Teen Culture? Teen Ghosting Behaviors Explained
If you’re hearing the term for the first time, “Banksying” might sound like something cool. After all, it’s named after Banksy, the famous graffiti artist known for bold, in-your-face street art. But while the artist’s work grabs attention, Banksying in a relationship is the total opposite.
Instead of being bold, it’s about slowly disappearing from someone’s life without saying why. Ghosting behaviors like Banksying can have negative impacts for both those doing them and those on the receiving end. But it can help to understand where these behaviors come from and how they can affect other people. This guide aims to help by exploring:
- What Banksying is
- If Banksying is the same as “Ghosting”
- Why a teen might Banksy
- Understanding if you’re being Banksyed
- The teen mental health impacts of being Banksyed
- Where to find the right mental health support
What Is Banksying in Relationships?
In its simplest form, Banksying is when one person slowly fades out of a relationship. The person doesn’t stop talking to you all at once; instead, they might do things like take longer to reply to your texts or engage less and less over time. This results in the connection fizzling until it’s basically gone.
Whether or not it’s meant to confuse the other person, it nearly always does. The surprise hits even harder because the distance builds so gradually, making it tricky to notice at first and even harder to make sense of once you finally do.
Is Banksying the Same as Ghosting?
When you first hear the definition of Banksying, you might think, Ah, yes, ghosting. But they’re not quite the same. Both behaviors share the same end goal, as they are ways of ending a connection without directly saying so, but the pace and the style are dissimilar.
One way to clearly understand the difference between ghosting and Banksying is to stack the behaviors up, side-by-side, like as presented in the following table.
Banksying | Ghosting |
A slow fade-out, where contact gradually becomes less frequent over time. | An abrupt end to all contact without any warning. |
Occasional replies, likes, or reactions on social media before the other person disappears completely. | Cuts off completely: no replies, no likes, no reactions, nothing. |
Can keep someone hanging on for weeks or months, unsure if the relationship is over. | Leaves the person on the receiving end knowing instantly that they’re gone. |
Often feels like the other person is slowly backing out of the room. | Feels like they slammed the door and bolted without looking back. |
Emotional impact builds gradually, with confusion and self-blame creeping in. | Emotional impact hits all at once, like ripping off a plaster. |
As may be evident based on these comparisons, ghosting could be compared to a balloon popping, while Banksying is like a balloon slowly deflating.
Understanding the difference between Banksying and Ghosting can help you make sense of what happened and avoid blaming yourself when the other person simply chose to slip away.
Why Might a Teen Banksy?
If you’ve been on the receiving end of Banksying, it’s natural to ask “why?” And while you might never get the full answer, there are a few common reasons a teen might choose the slow fade instead of just being upfront.
One big reason is that the other person may feel as though they’re letting you down gently. They might not want to hurt your feelings, so instead of saying, “I don’t think this is working,” they start slowly disappearing from your life. The problem is, the “gentle” part gets overdone. Dragging it out for weeks or months doesn’t soften the blow; rather, it gives the other person more time to overthink every little thing they said or did.
Another reason is that some teens Banksy because they’re not confident handling confrontation. The idea of having an awkward conversation about ending things can feel terrifying, especially if it’s their first breakup or they’re worried about fallout in your friendship group. By easing back bit by bit, they hope you’ll get the hint without them having to say anything out loud.
Others might do it because they’re unsure of what they want. For example, they might be feeling less interested but not ready to commit to ending things. Fading away also keeps their options open, similar to the breadcrumbing behavior mentality.
Am I Being Banksyed?
We get it, seeing all sorts of possibilities written out on a page can feel confusing. Every situation is different, and there’s no single checklist that fits everyone. But if you’ve got a gut feeling you’re being Banksyed, it’s probably worth taking a step back to zone in on your specific situation and see what feels true for you.
Ask yourself:
- Has the person’s communication with me gradually dropped off over time?
- Do they still reply occasionally, but with shorter or less enthusiastic messages?
- Have they started taking much longer to respond than they used to?
- Do plans with them get cancelled or postponed more often, without being rearranged?
- Have they stopped sharing personal updates or showing interest in my life?
- Do I feel like I’m putting in most of the effort to keep the connection going?
If you answered “yes” to a few of these, it doesn’t automatically mean you’re being Banksyed, but it does open the door to the possibility. It could be worth looking at the bigger picture, which can help you decide how much energy you want to put into chasing someone who might already be halfway out the door.
It’s also a chance to understand the damage it could do to your mental health.
What Are the Impacts of Banksying on Teen Mental Health?
Below, we take a closer look at the emotional impact of Banksying on teen relationships and what issues it could lead to.
Confusion and Self-Blame → Low Self-Esteem & Depressive Symptoms When you’re left wondering why someone faded away, it’s easy to start picking yourself apart for answers.
Did I do something wrong? Was I boring?
This constant loop of self-questioning can turn into negative self-talk, which can slowly erode your self-worth. Over time, the inner criticism can plant the seeds for low self-esteem and, in some cases, depression, especially if it’s mixed in with other stressors in your life.1
Trust issues → Avoidant or Anxious Attachment Styles
The teen years are a time when trust is still being built, tested, and shaped. If someone you felt close to gradually disappears, it can confirm the fear that getting close is risky. You might find yourself pulling back altogether, developing avoidant patterns, for instance, believing Don’t get too close, they’ll just leave.2 Alternatively, you might lean more towards anxious traits, pushing too hard and craving constant reassurance so the other person doesn’t vanish.
Either way, your blueprint for future relationships can shift in ways you don’t always notice right away.
Anxiety Around Connection → Social Anxiety & Relationship Insecurity Being Banksyed can make you hyper-aware of rejection, almost like you’re scanning for signs someone’s about to leave. This can spill into other friendships and relationships, making you feel insecure or overly cautious, even when you eventually meet someone you trust.
In more intense cases, this fear can grow into social anxiety,3 leaving you tense in situations that once felt safe.
If you’ve noticed some of these signs after dealing with Banksying, it might be a sign that you could benefit from some extra support. This support can come through therapy, where you’ll have the chance to work through the emotions and patterns Banksying can leave behind.
In the next section, we’ll open up the therapeutic toolbox and explore approaches that can help you cope with, and heal from, the emotional impact of Banksying.
Do I Need Therapy After Experiencing Teen Banksying?
When most people hear the word “therapy,” they can feel a bit uneasy about trying it. There’s still a lot of bias around the idea, with some picturing a prison-like mental health facility where you’re forced to “get better.” Others might think It’s not for me, I’m not that bad.
The truth is, thankfully the need for therapy is becoming more normalized. Plus, it’s not just for people who’ve hit rock bottom. Instead, it’s increasingly being recognized as a helpful tool for overcoming challenges. The goal is to work through these challenges before they grow into something bigger. So if you’ve noticed negative effects from Banksying, it’s worth considering some extra support.
Therapists use different approaches depending on your situation. One that’s especially helpful for the emotional fallout of Banksying is dialectical behavior therapy (DBT).
DBT is often used with teens who feel intense emotions, particularly in relationships. If Banksying has left you on edge, DBT can help you slow down your reactions, understand your feelings, and build healthier coping skills. It’s a strong fit for coping with adolescent rejection because it can give you practical tools to manage the sting of being let down. So, instead of spiralling into overthinking or self-blame, you could learn to ground yourself and protect your self-worth.
DBT also works well for easing dating anxiety. If getting close to someone again makes you nervous, it can help you set healthy boundaries and challenge that What if they leave? mental loop. Over time, it can build your confidence to trust yourself in relationships without feeling like you’re always bracing for the next fade-out.
I Have Bankysed Other People – What Can I Do?
If you’ve realized while reading this that you’ve been the one doing the slow fade, don’t panic — this doesn’t make you a bad person. In fact, you might not have even known you were doing it. For many teens, Banksying isn’t a calculated move; it’s simply the path they take when they don’t know how to end things directly.
The first step is recognizing the pattern. If you often let connections fizzle instead of having honest conversations, it’s worth asking yourself why. Is it to avoid conflict? To spare someone’s feelings? Or because you’re unsure what you want? Understanding your reasons can help you make different choices in the future.
Next, think about how you’d want someone to treat you in the same situation. Healthy relationships, romantic or otherwise, are built on honesty, even when it’s uncomfortable. Practicing small acts of openness now can make it easier to be upfront later.
If ending a relationship still feels overwhelming, talking to a trusted friend, family member, or counsellor can help you figure out what to say and how to say it. Changing this habit doesn’t happen overnight, but each honest conversation is a step toward healthier, more respectful connections.
Mission Prep: Mental Health Support For The Effects of Bankysing
Whether you’re a teen who’s been Banksyed, a teen who Banksys, or a parent watching your child struggle, know there’s help available. At Mission Prep, we help teens understand and heal from the emotional impact of relationship issues like Banksying. Through relationship education, we guide teens in recognising healthy vs. unhealthy patterns, while parents can learn how to support without overstepping.
Our programs include DBT for relationship anxiety, coping strategies for adolescent rejection, and tailored therapy for rebuilding trust and self-esteem. We offer both inpatient care for those who need a focused, structured environment and outpatient options that fit around school and daily life.
If Banksying has left you feeling anxious or unsure about future relationships, we can help you find clarity and confidence again. Every step of the way, our aim is to equip both teens and parents with the tools to move forward feeling stronger, closer, and more secure. Contact us today if you’re interested in learning more about our services.
References
- Zaccari, V., Fazi, M., Federica Scarci, Correr, V., Trani, L., Filomena, M. G., Piccione, V., Cattan, S. J., Ginni, M. G., D’Olimpio, F., & Mancini, F. (2024). Understanding Self-Criticism: A Systematic Review of Qualitative Approaches. PubMed, 21(6), 455–476. https://doi.org/10.36131/cnfioritieditore20240602
- Rodriguez, L. M., DiBello, A. M., Øverup, C. S., & Neighbors, C. (2015). The Price of Distrust: Trust, Anxious Attachment, Jealousy, and Partner Abuse. Partner Abuse, 6(3), 298–319. https://doi.org/10.1891/1946-6560.6.3.298
- Zhang, Y., Wang, Y., Siu, L. N., & Zhang, J. (2025). The relationship between insecure attachment and social anxiety in adult people: A three-level Meta-analysis. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. https://doi.org/10.1177/02654075251337887