Orbiting and Teen Mental Health: The Emotional Effects of Orbiting Behavior
Around a third of users admit to checking in on their exes this way.2 The habit has become so common that it even has a name: “orbiting.” And while, from the outside, orbiting may seem harmless, the reasons behind it tell a much bigger story.
This page examines the relationship between orbiting and teen mental health by considering:
What orbiting is- Why people orbit
- The links between attachment and orbiting
- The consequences of orbiting
- Where you can get help for orbiting-related issues
What Is Orbiting?
Perhaps the best way to describe orbiting concisely is to first use a sample scenario.
Say it’s late, you’re winding down for the night, and you’re half-heartedly scrolling through Instagram. Then a notification pops up…your ex has liked one of your photos. You click on it straight away, only to find the like has vanished. For a moment, you wonder if you imagined it, but deep down, you know what probably happened. They were looking through your profile, double-tapped without meaning to, and pulled it back before you noticed.
This tiny slip might say more than they realize. It tells you you’re still on their radar, still worth a glance, still occupying some quiet corner of their mind. Maybe this feels nice in a way, like proof you’re still relevant. But it’s also orbiting.
So, in a nutshell, orbiting is when someone cuts off direct contact with you but continues to circle your online space with small nuggets of interaction that remind you they’re still there.
The thing is, orbiting can feel a little confusing. It sits somewhere between absence and presence, which can make it tricky to place. So to help make sense of it, let’s look at what orbiting isn’t. By doing this, if you’re trying to work out if you’re being orbited, you can rule out certain other modern-day relationship behaviors.
What Orbiting Isn’t:
- Orbiting isn’t ghosting, which is when a person disappears completely and cuts off any way of being reached. Ghosting is silence, while orbiting is the faint sound of someone still hovering nearby.
- It also isn’t breadcrumbing. Breadcrumbing is calculated, keeping you hooked with just enough contact to stop you moving on. Orbiting keeps you at a distance, like watching without explanation.
- While orbiting can feel like a strange version of friendship, it isn’t that either. Friendship after a breakup involves at least some honesty or interaction. Orbiting doesn’t. It’s one-sided, vague, and leaves you questioning what the other person’s presence actually means.
Whether you’re experiencing orbiting or are just reading about it for the first time, the question on most people’s lips might be “Why are they doing this?” Let’s explore some potential reasons behind orbiting.
Why Do People Orbit?
The truth is, researchers don’t have a complete answer to why people orbit yet. Social media behaviors often shift faster than science can keep up, but one of the few studies that touches on this behavior was published back in 2012.2 It focused on how people checked in on their exes on Facebook and what that did to them afterwards. The platforms may have changed since then, but the core behavior, sneaking a peek at what an ex is up to, is just as present today.
The study didn’t set out to explain motives, but it left enough breadcrumbs for us to put together some likely reasons behind orbiting, including…
Because Orbiting Is Easy:
Social media makes your life available at the tap of a screen. This convenience means your ex doesn’t have to think twice. They can check in without effort and without you ever knowing they were there (unless they slip with a double-tap).
Because It Feels Safer Than Real Contact:
Glancing at your posts or watching your stories doesn’t carry the same weight as sending a message. It’s distant and low-risk, but still gives the person a sense of knowing how you’re doing. To you, it may feel like mixed signals; to them, it’s an easy way of keeping you in view without actually stepping back into your life.
Because It’s a Habit:
Results from the study showed that people often kept checking profiles long after “unfriending.” This suggests that, sometimes, orbiting isn’t intentional: it’s muscle memory. For example, if you were in a relationship, you may have checked in on the other person’s profile daily to interact with them or see how their day is going. Even if this relationship ends, the habit can still be kept very much alive.
Because Feelings Don’t Always Vanish:
The study also found that those who checked in more often reported higher distress and longing. In other words, if you’re being orbited, the act might not be about you moving on, but about the other person not having moved on themselves. Looking at someone’s profile regularly can keep emotions alive, but the emotions are what keep them looking.
So if you’ve been on the receiving end of orbiting, it isn’t necessarily about you doing something wrong or them secretly planning a return. It’s often to do with the emotional space the other person is in: torn between letting go and not being ready to let you or the relationship disappear completely.
Can Attachment Explain Why a Teen Would Orbit?
The following sections on attachment anxiety and avoidance are breakdowns of what these researchers found.
Attachment Anxiety and Orbiting
The researchers found that teens and young adults who scored higher on attachment anxiety were more likely to watch their partner’s Facebook activity and keep tabs as much as possible. This may be because of how attachment anxiety often comes with a fear of being left behind or replaced. Therefore, when this fear kicks in, scrolling becomes a way of trying to soothe it.
The study also showed that trust (or rather, a lack of it) played a role. Simply put, less trust meant more checking. In orbiting terms, this looks like an ex who can’t quite step back, because watching feels safer than being made to feel abandoned.
Attachment Avoidance and Anxiety
On the other side of the coin, people who leaned toward attachment avoidance, the ones who cope with closeness by pulling away, were less likely to engage in oribiting. For these people, watching an ex’s every move online might be the exact opposite of what they want. Orbiting rarely comes from avoidance, because distance is what they’re after.
The researchers were so interested in this, they created an additional, more focused study to see if the results from their initial research would be the same. This time, the participants were asked to track their thoughts through diary entries. The results were the same: anxiety kept people orbiting, and avoidance pushed people away from it.
Interestingly, jealousy often seemed to fuel the need to keep checking, hinting at old wounds that haven’t fully healed. This suggests that holding on to exes on social media may be something worth rethinking.
The Consequences of Orbiting
In 2021, researchers analysed responses from people who had been orbited and from those who admitted to orbiting.4 Their goal was to see how the fallout compared with ghosting and outright rejection, and the findings made it clear that orbiting often carries its own sting.
The following sections cover the consequences of orbiting for the person on the receiving end and the one carrying out the behavior.
Consequences for the Person Being Orbited
For the person being orbited, the impact often starts with confusion. When an ex lingers in your notifications, it’s hard to tell why they’re there, constantly reminding you that they exist. This uncertainty can make closure feel almost impossible.
In the study, people who were orbited even described passing through stages: shock at first, followed by guilt, anger, sadness, and eventually giving up on making sense of it. Clearly, orbiting is a messy way to process a breakup, stretching it out far longer than it needs to be.
Orbiting was also shown to be a bit of a sheep in wolf’s clothing. For instance, if you’re still feeling a little down about a breakup, sporadic “likes” or story views from your ex might give you the temporary comfort of not being ignored. But this feeling of exclusion may still be kept alive in the background. You’re not part of their life anymore, but they’re still in yours, and this imbalance makes it harder to feel in control.
Many described orbiting as “unfair” and “not quite as brutal as ghosting, but harder to rationalize,” because there’s no explanation you can hold onto.
Consequences for the Orbiter
For the orbiter, the picture isn’t any better. The study noted that orbiting carries echoes of cyberstalking, not in a legal sense, but in the way it becomes unwanted, intrusive contact. This is certainly a tag that no one wants to inherit, whether accurate or not.
Also, by dipping in and out, the orbiter also drags out their own breakup process. Constantly picking at the wound gives no real chance of closure – just prolonged uncertainty and emotions that never get the chance to fade.
No matter which side of orbiting you find yourself on, if any of the points in this section strike a chord, it’s worth pausing to look a little deeper. As a teen, you’re only just stepping into the early stages of relationships and figuring out how they work.
Orbiting, whichever side of it you’re on, isn’t part of healthy relationship dynamics. If it keeps going unchecked, it could end up shaping the way you approach future connections in ways you don’t realize yet.
If you can shrug off the orbiting and move on, this is potentially the best outcome. Let it stay in the background and lose its grip. But if it’s something that has you second-guessing yourself, replaying interactions, or feeling unsettled, it’s worth talking it through with professionals who can help you make sense of it.
How Can Mission Prep Help With the Consequences of Orbiting?
If orbiting has left your teen anxious, second-guessing themselves, or stuck wondering why an ex won’t fully go away, know there is support available. Professional help can assist teens in rebuilding trust and a more robust sense of security.
At Mission Prep, we help teens create healthy boundaries in relationships so they can protect their well-being without closing themselves off from connection. Alongside this, we focus on building self-esteem in adolescents and teaching emotional resilience strategies that make it easier to handle the ups and downs of dating in a digital world.
For some teens, a change of scenery can make all the difference. This is why we offer residential treatment where a teen can step away from daily pressures and have the space to focus fully on recovery. Our therapists use approaches like DBT for relational uncertainty and CBT for anxiety tied to relationships. These can help teens to practice challenging negative thought processes as well as teach them the communication skills they need to set boundaries and cope with rejection.
No matter how heavy orbiting feels right now, healing is possible. Trust can be rebuilt, resilience can be strengthened, and we can support your family every step of the way. Reach out to Mission Prep today to find out more.
References
- Datareportal. (2025). Global Social Media Statistics. DataReportal – Global Digital Insights. https://datareportal.com/social-media-users
- Marshall, T. C. (2012). Facebook Surveillance of Former Romantic Partners: Associations with PostBreakup Recovery and Personal Growth. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, 15(10), 521–526. https://doi.org/10.1089/cyber.2012.0125
- Marshall, T. C., Bejanyan, K., Di Castro, G., & Lee, R. A. (2012). Attachment styles as predictors of Facebook-related jealousy and surveillance in romantic relationships. Personal Relationships, 20(1), 1–22. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2011.01393.x
- Pancani, L., Aureli, N., & Riva, P. (2022). Relationship dissolution strategies: Comparing the psychological consequences of ghosting, orbiting, and rejection. Cyberpsychology: Journal of Psychosocial Research on Cyberspace, 16(2), article 9. https://doi.org/10.5817/CP2022-2-9
