Understanding Attachment Styles in Teenagers: Signs, Symptoms, & Treatment Options
Have you noticed that some teens find it easy to form close relationships, while others pull away? If you’ve wondered why, it could be because of a concept called “attachment.”
Attachment styles in teenagers are like frameworks or subconscious sets of rules that shape how they emotionally connect with other people. This framework can affect their relationships with family, friends, and romantic partners.
Understanding attachment styles in teenagers is essential to building healthier bonds and stronger emotional well-being. Whether you’re a teen trying to figure out your feelings or a parent worried about your child’s ability to trust and connect with others, this article is here to help. It covers…
- What teen attachment theory is
- Signs of secure vs insecure teen attachment
- Teen trust building techniques
- Adolescent attachment treatment
- How to seek professional support
What Are Attachment Styles?
Attachment styles are patterns in the way we relate to other people. They aren’t just applicable to teens and children; adults have attachment styles, too. In other words, everyone has an attachment style.
But, before we dive into the different attachment types, let’s discuss the background of attachment: what it is and how youth emotional attachment is shaped.
The Background of Attachment Theory
Attachment theory was initially developed by a psychologist called John Bowlby in the 1950s. His theory explains how we form emotional connections, especially those between children and their parents or caregivers. The idea is that our very early relationships with the people caring for us have a big impact on how we develop and relate to other people as we grow up.1
The attachment styles, as we know them today, are based on the research of Mary Ainsworth and her experiment, the “Strange Situation.” These styles include secure, insecure-anxious, and insecure-avoidant. One additional insecure style was later added by her colleague, Mary Main: the disorganized attachment style.
What Shapes Our Attachments?
The basic concept in attachment theory is that if a child is distressed or unsure, they will reach out to their parents or caregivers for reassurance. They may cry, cling to them, or try to remain close to them. How caregivers respond to these cues creates emotional connections and forms the basis of future attachments.1
Secure vs Insecure Teen Attachment
There are two attachment styles in teenagers: secure and insecure.
Having a secure attachment style means that teens are better equipt to form healthy, trusting relationships with other people. They generally feel safe and comfortable with intimacy and feel secure in relationships.
Insecure attachments, on the other hand, usually show up as difficulties forming healthy relationships, possibly due to a lack of trust or challenges in their emotional regulation.1
However, these patterns of relating to other people can differ depending on the type of insecure attachment.
Let’s take a closer look at the specific attachment types in teens.
Attachment Styles in Teenagers
Attachment styles are formed within the first few years of life. They also tend to be stable traits; once you develop a style, it tends to stay with you. However, with reparative, healing experiences, it is possible to work from an insecure style to a more secure one, known as “earned security.”
However, if an insecure attachment style isn’t healed, it can affect teenage relationship patterns and how they relate to others in their adult years. As previously discussed, there are four main attachment styles in teenagers: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized.2 We discuss each of these in more detail below.
Secure Attachment in Teenagers
As a baby, secure attachments form when parents or caregivers sensitively respond to and meet their child’s emotional and physical needs. As a result, babies recognize that their actions have consequences, that those close to them can be trusted, and that they are safe to explore their world.
Secure attachment means that, as a teenager and adult, you are more likely to create healthy, reliable, and long-lasting relationships with others. For instance, with friends, family, and romantic partners, you may be more easily able to trust and be emotionally available to them. Secure attachment is still currently the most common type of attachment, according to research.2
Anxious Attachment
An anxious attachment style can form if a baby’s cues are responded to inconsistently. This might look like a caregiver sensitively attending to a child’s needs on one occasion, and on the next, acting punitively or rejecting towards them. As a result, the baby may be unsure if they will get what they need, so they seek validation from and proximity to their caregiver as much as possible. They may also be difficult to comfort when distressed.
Anxious attachment as a teen and adult can look like clinging, neediness, or a lack of trust in others. They may seek constant reassurance that they are safe in their relationship, or that their friends or partner won’t leave them.
Avoidant Attachment
Avoidant attachment develops if a primary caregiver cannot provide a baby with enough emotional support or comfort. They may even react punitively towards a child’s emotional needs, disregarding the importance of emotions and seeking them as a sign of “weakness.” As a result of this parenting style, the child learns not to rely on other people to fulfil their needs and forms a premature sense of self-reliance..
Avoidant attachment in a teen or adult may appear as “lone wolf” syndrome. For instance, they may bottle up their emotions, prefer to do things for themselves, and feel uncomfortable with and unsure how to comfort others.
Disorganized Attachment
Disorganized attachment tends to form in troubling or traumatic childhoods. For example, if a child’s environment feels “chaotic,” they may worry when their needs will be met – or even if they’ll be met at all. In many cases of disorganized attachment, the child’s primary caregiver is both a source of love and fear.
In teens and adults, disorganized attachment (known as fearful-avoidant in adults) is usually characterized by difficulties developing healthy relationships with others. People with this style may seek closeness, but then push people away without warning. To others in relationships, they might appear quite intense or unpredictable.
How Does Attachment Style Affect Teens?
You may be thinking, Teen attachment theory makes sense, but what does it look like in practice? Let’s look at some of the things you may notice.
In teens with secure attachment, you may notice they have a strong sense of their own identity and can manage their emotions in healthy ways. They are likely to seek out support if they have a problem, rather than struggling alone. They may also be equally comfortable in relationships as they are in their own company.3
In contrast, teens with insecure attachment often see relationships as untrustworthy or the world as an unsafe place. This is because their early framework for relationships taught them that their needs and who they are as people wouldn’t be responded to in consistent or rewarding ways.3 For this reason, it’s unsurprising that there are links to anxiety and depression in teens with insecure attachment, as well as maladaptive ways of coping with problems.
Because of their self and other views, teen bonding issues may be influenced by an insecure attachment style. Teenagers may feel anxious about forming relationships, find it difficult to trust others, and have problems resolving conflicts. Such patterns can impact their friendships, romantic relationships, and how they connect with family.
Remember that, although attachment forms at an early age, it’s possible to develop secure attachment in teen years and adulthood, even if you’re starting from a place of insecure attachment. Therapy can support you to thrive in your relationships and build healthy, secure connections with people.
Attachment Signs in Teenagers
How do you know if a teen has difficulties forming attachments? Having an insecure attachment style doesn’t mean that your child has an attachment disorder, but it can increase their risk of emotional and relational difficulties.
However, the following are some of the signs of attachment disorder or attachment issues in adolescents:6,7
- Difficulties forming close relationships
- Finding it hard to trust others
- Control issues
- Aggression toward parent or caregiver
- Avoids physical affection
- Bullying
- Overly “clingy” behaviors
- Sudden bursts of anger
- Lack of eye contact
- Withdrawal from others
- Difficulties in knowing and maintaining boundaries
- Risky behaviors
If you notice these signs in your teen, they may have an insecure attachment or an attachment disorder, such as disinhibited social engagement disorder (DSED) or reactive attachment disorder (RAD). It’s important to know that youth attachment support is available.
Transgenerational Attachment: The Foundations of Teenage Relationship Patterns
Even with the best intentions, a parent may not be entirely successful at creating a secure attachment with their baby or child. There are many factors that could be at play, including:1,4
- High stress environments
- Premature birth
- Traumatic experiences, such as accidents or serious illnesses
- Genetic factors, such as variations in the oxytocin receptor gene, affect bonding behaviors and trust5
- Separation, for example, due to adoption or foster care
- Caregiving without the necessary parenting skills
- Parental mental health issues
- Physical or emotional neglect or abuse
- Inconsistency in caregiving, such as many different people looking after the baby
Each of these factors could lead to inconsistency in caregiving, potentially disrupting the bond between the caregiver and child. There’s also a concept called “transgenerational attachment,” which shows how patterns of connection – how we show love, handle emotions, and deal with conflict – can be passed down through families unintentionally.
Just to be clear: If your child has an insecure attachment, it’s not about blaming anyone. It’s about understanding how the experiences of families shape how we relate with each other – and how we can learn and grow from that.
How to Support a Teen with Attachment Issues
Supporting a teen with attachment issues requires a certain amount of patience, consistency, and understanding. The following key areas of support can be distilled into communication, bonding, social connections, and the environment.8,9
Create a Safe and Secure Environment
Try making your home as safe a place as you can. For instance, minimize sources of stress and anxiety if possible, and praise your teen for good behaviors and efforts. You could also introduce routines, which can bring a sense of predictability and stability. Boundaries are important for a sense of stability and allow your child to feel more secure.
Encourage Open Communication and Trust
Listen to your teen’s feelings and concerns without judgment, even if you find it difficult. Acknowledge how they feel, and validate their feelings. Their emotions are real, even if they may seem conflicting or confusing.
Work on the Parent-Teen Bond
It’s never too late to build a stronger relationship with your child. For example, you could do activities together, like playing video games or cooking. Be emotionally present for them, and offer them a hug if you think they need one and seem comfortable with the idea. This type of synchrony is one of the main factors in the parent-child bond. However, the key here is consistency – try to be mindful of switching between emotional availability and inavailability to promote stability.
Promote Social Connection
Help them develop their social skills by being a good role model in group situations. Build up their confidence, and encourage them to have healthy, balanced relationships with people their own age.
Look After Yourself
Healing takes time. It’s a process, not a quick fix. That means that patience may be needed before you notice any changes. Parenting a teen with attachment issues can be challenging, so remember to be kind to yourself and practice self-care. Nobody’s perfect, and progress isn’t a straight line. There will be ups and downs. Know that you are doing the best you can.
Adolescent Attachment Treatment Options
Sometimes, despite the best will in the world, support from loved ones isn’t enough. If you think your teen has an attachment issue, know that professional help and treatment are available in the form of individual talking therapy, family therapy, or a combination of both.
Individual Therapy
When it comes to therapy, there are several approaches that can treat attachment issues effectively. These are cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), and trauma-focused therapy.
CBT is a structured therapy that helps a teen recognize and challenge negative thoughts and behaviors that affect relationships. They can learn new ways of coping and gain an understanding of why they feel the way they do.
DBT gives teens the skills to manage intense emotions more effectively. It can teach them coping techniques to deal with emotional distress, anxiety, and stress, and also interpersonal skills to improve relationships.
Trauma-focused therapy can assist teens in healing from traumatic experiences that may have contributed to attachment problems. They learn coping strategies to manage triggers and develop healthier communication and connections with other people in their lives.
Attachment-Based Family Therapy
Attachment-based family therapy is an evidence-based, structured family counseling approach. It is based on attachment theory, so it guides the way to rebuilding trustworthy connections. Sessions address relationships and events within the family to rebuild trust, connection, communication, and create a feeling of safety and security.10,11 Such therapeutic interventions are designed to heal early childhood attachment issues and help teens look forward to a future of healthy, trusting relationships.
Finding Attachment Support With Mission Prep
With professional support, teens can begin to understand why they may have issues connecting with and trusting others, and discover ways to help them build secure relationships.
Mission Prep is here to help. We have a team of trained and licensed mental health professionals who work with teenagers to support their well-being and growth. As experts in adolescent mental health, we can help your child flourish in your relationships.
Additionally, as attachment treatment isn’t one-size-fits-all, we provide a range of services, including individual and family therapy, to allow teens to heal and recover in the way that feels best.
We believe that cost should not be a barrier to getting the treatment you deserve. This is why we have a range of payment options, including sliding scale fees for those in financial need, clearly laid out on our payments page. Contact us today to find out more about how we can help you heal.
References
- McGarvie, S., PhD. (2025, March 27). Attachment Theory, Bowlby’s Stages & Attachment Styles. PositivePsychology.com. https://positivepsychology.com/attachment-theory/
- Cleveland Clinic. (2025, June 17). The 4 attachment styles and how they impact you. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/attachment-theory-and-attachment-styles
- Shumaker, D. M., Deutsch, R. M., & Brenninkmeyer, L. (2009). How do I connect? Attachment issues in adolescence. Journal of Child Custody, 6(1–2), 91–112. https://doi.org/10.1080/15379410902894866
- Robinson, L., Segal, J., & Jaffe, J. (2025, March 13). Attachment styles and how they affect adult relationships. HelpGuide.org. https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/attachment-and-adult-relationships
- Chen, F. S., Barth, M. E., Johnson, S. L., Gotlib, I. H., & Johnson, S. C. (2011). Oxytocin receptor (OXTR) polymorphisms and attachment in human infants. Frontiers in Psychology, 2. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2011.00200
- Morin, A. (2023, May 3). Signs and causes of attachment issues. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-an-attachment-disorder-4580038
- Guyon-Harris, K. L., Humphreys, K. L., Fox, N. A., Nelson, C. A., & Zeanah, C. H. (2018). Signs of attachment disorders and social functioning among early adolescents with a history of institutional care. Child Abuse & Neglect, 88, 96–106. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chiabu.2018.11.005
- CAMHS. (n.d.). Teens and Attachment. Retrieved July 8, 2025, from https://camhs.rdash.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/DP8653-Teens-and-Attachment-11.20.pdf
- Attachment and Trauma Network. (2023, November 16). What are Attachment Disorders? https://www.attachmenttraumanetwork.org/what-are-attachment-disorders/
- Ewing, E. S. K., Diamond, G., & Levy, S. (2015). Attachment-based family therapy for depressed and suicidal adolescents: theory, clinical model and empirical support. Attachment & Human Development, 17(2), 136–156. https://doi.org/10.1080/14616734.2015.1006384
- Diamond, G., Siqueland, L., & Diamond, G. M. (2003). Attachment-based family therapy for depressed adolescents: programmatic treatment development. Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review, 6(2), 107–127. https://doi.org/10.1023/a:1023782510786
