Parent-Child Synchrony and Attachment: The Importance of Synchrony in Secure Attachment
If you’re a parent of a teen, you may be wondering where the connection went. Not so long ago, there might have been laughter, affection, and easy communication. Now there may be distance, eye-rolls, and one-word answers. If this sounds familiar, take heart in the fact that it’s never too late to reconnect.
While an increased need for independence in a teen is natural, too much avoidance or conflict might signal a disruption to the attachment bond. At the core of this bond is synchrony – the subtle emotional attunement between a parent and their child.
When synchrony is balanced, teens can feel safe, understood, and emotionally grounded. Yet, when it’s disrupted, this can result in misunderstandings, emotional dysregulation, and attachment wounds.
If you’re concerned that your teen’s behaviors extend beyond “normal teenage hormones,” a mental health professional can guide your family unit back to stable, attuned grounds. This article can also help, as it aims to increase the understanding of the importance of synchrony during the teenage years by discussing:
- What parent-child synchrony is
- The link between attachment and synchrony
- The impact of disrupted synchrony
- How to strengthen the parent-teen bond
- Therapy for improving parent-child bonding
- Where to find professional support for improving your bond with your child
Parent-Child Synchrony Explained
The interactions and relationship between a parent and child play a leading role in an infant’s early development. You may have heard the term “synchrony” before, but not fully realized what it meant.
Have you ever thought that you were “in sync” with someone, like you were both “on the same page?” In this context, being in sync means being coordinated with or attuned to someone. Parent-child synchrony is very similar.
Parent-child synchrony is all about the verbal and non-verbal communication and interactions between a child and their caregiver. In other words, when this dyad is attuned and sensitive to each other, they are said to be “in synchrony.”
Synchrony involves not only a matching of behavior and emotions, but typically also encompasses the biological rhythm between a parent and child.1 For example, a parent and infant’s heart rates may increase and decrease together over time depending on their interactions. Similarly, levels of oxytocin – the “love hormone” – may rise in both the parent and child during times when they are affectionate together.2
Practically speaking, synchrony may manifest as “mirroring,” maintaining eye contact, engaging in physical contact, matching energy levels, and responding to emotional cues in a timely and appropriate manner.
In fact, some people have likened synchrony to a dance between two partners. Both parent and child know each other’s rhythms, are familiar with each other’s responses, and can anticipate the other’s moves to create beautiful moments of connection.3
As might be clear based on all this information, parent-child synchrony is a dynamic process that is vital for healthy child and teen development. The next section explores the role it plays in healthy development in more detail.
Importance of Synchrony in Secure Attachment
Research has linked a higher level of synchrony to secure attachment styles in children and adolescents.2 But why is this form of dual attention important? The following sections explore the role of synchrony in attachment and emotional regulation – and how it can impact the teenage years.
Secure Attachment Development in Adolescents
An attachment is the emotional bond formed in childhood between an infant and their caregiver. It essentially provides a “blueprint” for future relationships as well as emotional regulation.
Attachment is based on the way that a caregiver responds to their infant’s cues, shaping the emotional connection between them. If they respond consistently with sensitivity, accuracy, and love, the infant is likely to form a secure attachment with them.4 This typically results in the child forming a stable foundation for healthy future relationships and being able to manage their own emotions and distress more easily.
Synchrony involves moments when a parent and child are attuned to each other. So, when balanced synchrony is present, an infant’s cues for reassurance are more likely to be responded to consistently and appropriately. Plus, if a caregiver is emotionally connected to their child and mirrors their emotions and expressions, it shows the infant that their feelings are understood. This type of strong emotional connection enhances trust and emotional security, allowing a secure attachment to form.
How Synchrony Supports Emotional Regulation
As children, we learn many things from our parents and caregivers, including how to regulate our emotions and stress. This process of learning starts as soon as we are born.
For example, if a child is distressed and their caregiver models to them that emotions can be handled in healthy ways, the child learns how to manage their own emotions in the future. Plus, they understand that others can be relied upon and trusted when it comes to helping them manage their emotions.
In this way, synchrony in the parent-child relationship is important for helping the child develop resilience and effective self-soothing strategies as they grow older.
Synchrony in the Teenage Years
Based on the information in this article so far, you may be able to tell that synchrony is essential for the healthy development of a child. However, the role that synchrony plays in development doesn’t stop when a child reaches adolescence; it’s just as important for growing teens as it is for babies and infants.
The connection synchrony forges between a teen and their caregiver helps them to feel understood and supported. This is especially important while they are going through hormonal changes and seeking more independence, as they can feel comfortable coming to a parent for support or advice. Additionally, synchrony involves shared interests, letting a teen know that a caregiver is meaningfully involved in their life.
In other words, when you are attuned to your teen, you can respond to their needs and feelings more effectively, giving them the support they need in accurate ways.
The Mental Health Impact of Disrupted Synchrony
There are several reasons why parent-child synchrony may be disrupted during childhood. These include:5-9
- Parental mental health issues, such as postpartum depression
- Chronic stress
- Trauma
- Inconsistency in caregiving
- Developmental differences, such as autistic spectrum disorder (ASD) or ADHD
- Screen time
But what impact can this disruption have on a child? We explore these impacts in the upcoming sections.
Impact of Disrupted Synchrony in Children
As mentioned, healthy parent-child synchrony can assist in forming a secure attachment bond. In the same way, disruption of synchrony can contribute to the development of an insecure attachment.
As the result of a lack of synchrony or insecure attachment, a child or teen may feel less able to manage their emotions (emotional dysregulation). They may also struggle to understand social cues, which could then impact their ability to create and maintain friendships and relationships. Additionally, children may be slower to grasp language and cognitive skills than those who experienced parent-child synchrony, affecting their academic performance in school.10
Signs of Disrupted Synchrony in Adolescents
To begin with, insecure attachment can be a strong indicator of disrupted synchrony. Thus, one way to recognize the signs of disrupted synchrony is through the symptoms of insecure attachment. Depending on the type of insecure attachment a teen has, the signs may present as:11,12
- Withdrawal
- Stress
- Anxiety
- Anger
- Emotional dysregulation (being unable to self-soothe)
- Difficulty forming relationships
- Avoiding eye-contact
- Risk-taking behaviors
For more detailed signs of insecure attachment, it can help to read up on the three distinct insecure attachment styles: anxious, avoidant, and disorganized.
In the meantime, if these are familiar signs, there is a chance your teen may be experiencing disrupted synchrony. Yet, the good news is that improving attunement between parent and teen can have a significantly positive impact. The next section provides some suggestions for strengthening the emotional bond with your child.
Strengthening the Parent-Teen Bond
Improving the emotional bonds between parent and teen can take time, but it is entirely possible to do. Insecure attachments can be repaired with patience, understanding, consistency, and effort.
It’s never too late to create a stronger connection with your teen, and below you will find some suggestions for attachment repair strategies in families.
Tips for Creating Emotional Safety in Family Relationships:
It can be difficult to emotionally connect with your teen if they don’t feel able to express their feelings or open up. The following are some strategies you can use to help your teen feel safer emotionally.
Practice Active Listening
Focus on your teen when they are talking to you to get the whole message. What they’re saying will involve verbal and non-verbal communication. In other words, what they don’t say is just as important as what they do. You may want to read between the lines and ask questions to understand them better. Additionally, sometimes people don’t need advice or for you to solve their problems – they might just want to be heard. It’s OK to be your teen’s sounding board.
Be Consistently Emotionally Present
Let your teen see that you are ready to talk with them, whenever they need to. For instance, they may not want to discuss much over dinner, but you may find they open up over an occasional late-night snack when it’s just the two of you. Alternatively, if you’re often busy working, let them know how they can reach you if they need anything, for example, by text or voice message. This way, you are opening the door for them to be in touch if something does come up.
Practice Empathy and Patience During Conflict
Let’s face it, sometimes people just aren’t in the mood to talk. Everyone has bad days, and sometimes teenagers can say horrible things to their parents. Try not to take it personally if they act like this – it’s about them, not you. They may be having difficulty controlling their feelings and instead lash out at those nearest to them. If this happens, start by taking a deep breath. Then, remember your child loves you, think back to what it was like to be a teenager, and consider how to calmly approach them afterwards to talk things over. By repairing conflict with them, you are showing them that you still love and support them, regardless of their emotional expressions.
Parent-Child Connection Exercises
Parents and teens can also do activities together to help them connect emotionally – and this is one of the ways shown to improve synchrony most effectively. Some examples of how to do so include:
- Emotional check-ins: Ask your teen how their day was and how they are feeling. However, don’t pressure them into opening up – this could lead them to withdraw or shut down. Instead, gently encourage them to talk, for example, by sharing how you are doing or how your day has been.
- Try hobbies together: Spend time connecting with your teen doing something you both enjoy. You could try cooking, playing board or video games, going for a walk, or having a movie night. It’s quality time spent in each other’s company that matters.
- Swap skills: Ask your teen to teach you something new. Maybe there’s a dance going viral that you want to learn, or a cool shortcut on your phone you didn’t know about. This is an important way to connect, showing your child that you’re involved in their interests. It doesn’t have to be a one-way relationship; you can both learn valuable things from each other.
- Let your teen be the “car DJ”: If you are running errands together in the car, see what happens when you let your adolescent be in charge of the music. You may get an insight into who their favourite artist is, or even if they’re into some “retro” tunes that you recognize from your teenage years.
Therapy for Improving Parent-Child Bonding
Parenting support for better attachment can often be sought from mental health professionals, such as attachment-based therapists. This form of therapy can improve the parent-child bond by focusing on synchrony, and specific therapies may be particularly useful.13,14
Common approaches used include:
- Attachment-based family therapy (ABFT): This attachment-based parenting therapy is grounded in attachment theory and can help families to rebuild trust, form secure attachments, improve communication, and develop healthier emotional connections.
- Family therapy: Family counseling for attachment repair addresses the family as a whole, aiming to improve communication, understanding, and support within the family unit.
- Parent-child interaction therapy (PCIT): In this approach, a therapist works with the parent and child together and coaches the parent in interactions. This is often used with younger children; however, it can also be used with teenagers to improve attunement.
- Positive Parenting Program (Triple P): This program focuses on equipping parents with the information and skills needed to manage their child’s behavior.
- DBT for improving family interactions: Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) teaches people how to manage and express their feelings more effectively, and also to improve their communication skills. This can be especially useful for teens who may struggle to understand their emotions or cope with distress.
Finding Mental Health Support With Mission Prep
Building a stronger connection with your teen isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being consistent and patient. Synchrony isn’t something that has to be lost forever; it can be nurtured every day in many ways. If you’re not sure how to start or think your teen may benefit from having a professional to turn to, we are here to help.
Mission Prep specializes in helping teens and their families rebuild trust, strengthen their attachments, and improve mental health and well-being. Whether through teen therapy or family counseling, we’re here for you every step of the way. Contact us today to find out more about our attachment-based programs and how we can help you heal with hope for a brighter future.
References
- Leclère, C., Viaux, S., Avril, M., Achard, C., Chetouani, M., Missonnier, S., & Cohen, D. (2014). Why Synchrony Matters during Mother-Child Interactions: A Systematic Review. PLoS ONE, 9(12), e113571. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0113571
- McLeod, S. (2024, January 24). Interactional synchrony. Simply Psychology. https://www.simplypsychology.org/interactional-synchrony.html
- Alonso, A., McDorman, S. A., & Romeo, R. R. (2023). How parent–child brain‐to‐brain synchrony can inform the study of child development. Child Development Perspectives, 18(1), 26–35. https://doi.org/10.1111/cdep.12494
- McGarvie, S., PhD. (2025, March 27). Attachment Theory, Bowlby’s Stages & Attachment Styles. PositivePsychology.com. https://positivepsychology.com/attachment-theory/
- Zampella, C. J., Csumitta, K. D., Simon, E., & Bennetto, L. (2020). Interactional Synchrony and Its Association with Social and Communication Ability in Children With and Without Autism Spectrum Disorder. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 50(9), 3195–3206. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-020-04412-8
- Granat, A., Gadassi, R., Gilboa-Schechtman, E., & Feldman, R. (2016). Maternal depression and anxiety, social synchrony, and infant regulation of negative and positive emotions. Emotion, 17(1), 11–27. https://doi.org/10.1037/emo0000204
- Azhari, A., Leck, W. Q., Gabrieli, G., Bizzego, A., Rigo, P., Setoh, P., Bornstein, M. H., & Esposito, G. (2019). Parenting stress undermines Mother-Child Brain-to-Brain synchrony: A Hyperscanning study. Scientific Reports, 9(1). https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-019-47810-4
- Scalabrini, A., Mucci, C., & Northoff, G. (2022). The nested hierarchy of self and its trauma: In search for a synchronic dynamic and topographical re-organization. Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, 16. https://doi.org/10.3389/fnhum.2022.980353
- Kildare, C. A., & Middlemiss, W. (2017). Impact of parents mobile device use on parent-child interaction: A literature review. Computers in Human Behavior, 75, 579–593. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2017.06.003
- Sylvia, R. (2025, February 15). Caregiver infant reactions — developmental psychology. Psychstory. https://www.psychstory.co.uk/developmental-psychology/caregiver-infant-interactions
- Morin, A. (2023, May 3). Signs and causes of attachment issues. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-an-attachment-disorder-4580038
- Guyon-Harris, K. L., Humphreys, K. L., Fox, N. A., Nelson, C. A., & Zeanah, C. H. (2018). Signs of attachment disorders and social functioning among early adolescents with a history of institutional care. Child Abuse & Neglect, 88, 96–106. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chiabu.2018.11.005
- Diamond, G., Diamond, G. M., & Levy, S. (2021). Attachment-based family therapy: Theory, clinical model, outcomes, and process research. Journal of Affective Disorders, 294, 286–295. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jad.2021.07.005
- Arky, B. (2025, January 24). Choosing a parent training program. Child Mind Institute. https://childmind.org/article/choosing-a-parent-training-program/
