How to Talk to Teens About Domestic Violence: A Parent’s Guide to Talking to Your Child About Trauma
As a parent, you want to protect your child and create a safe environment for them to grow up in. But what happens when that safety is threatened?
Domestic violence is a cruel reality that affects many families, and the toll on teenagers can be immense. You may not know how to start a conversation about such a difficult topic, but it may be crucial for your teen’s emotional safety and well-being.
This guide can help you navigate conversations with your teen about domestic violence. By opening a dialogue, you not only raise domestic abuse awareness for teens but also create a safe space for your child to seek support.
If you’re concerned about your child’s physical and mental safety, reaching out for professional support is always advised. This page can also help, as it covers:
- Understanding domestic violence
- Creating an environment for safe conversations
- How to talk to teens about domestic violence
- Supporting teens in violent homes
- Finding support for trauma and abuse
Understanding Domestic Violence
When you talk to your teen about domestic violence, they may have quite a few questions. It’s useful to be prepared for this, so let’s begin by going over some of the basics, including what domestic violence is, its impacts, and signs.
What Is Domestic Violence?
According to the Office on Violence Against Women (OVW), domestic violence is “a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another.”1
Abusive behavior could take on any of these forms:
- Physical: For example, hitting, grabbing, biting
- Sexual: Such as rape or treating someone in a sexually demeaning way
- Emotional: For instance, constant criticism or name-calling
- Economic: Like fraud or restricting someone’s access to money
- Psychological: Like intimidation, threats, or destroying property
- Technological: For example, monitoring internet use or tracking someone’s location
Domestic violence can happen to anyone. It doesn’t care about age, sexual orientation, gender, where someone’s from, or how much money they have. It can occur in romantic relationships regardless of whether the partners live together or not, or have children. And it doesn’t affect only those who are being abused: it impacts friends and family, including teens in the home.
What Is the Emotional Impact of Domestic Violence on Teenagers?
Children and teens growing up in homes with domestic violence are affected by what they see and hear. Teen exposure to violence can give them the message that it’s a normal part of life, and they may even follow these patterns in their own relationships.1
When considering youth mental health and family violence, adolescents who are exposed may be more likely to develop symptoms of depression, anxiety, stress, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).2 They may also be more likely than those who never experienced domestic violence to experience issues managing their own emotions.3
Signs of Trauma and Abuse in Adolescents
We’ve mentioned that teens can experience PTSD from witnessing or experiencing domestic violence, but what about direct abuse? Reports show that 30% to 60% of people who carry out domestic violence also abuse children in the household. What’s more, four out of ten child abuse victims report previous experiences of domestic violence.2
When abuse and trauma are so closely linked with domestic violence, it’s essential to recognize the warning signs of abuse in teens. The earlier you can see these signs, the sooner you can get help.
For a complete list of the signs and symptoms, check out our page on Teen Trauma and Abuse. For now, some of the common signs of abuse and trauma in teens include:4-8
- Behavioral changes:
- Aggression
- Acting defiantly or overly compliant
- Tiredness
- Withdrawal and isolation
- Emotional signs:
- Difficulty managing emotions
- Perfectionism
- Low self-esteem
- School performance dropping
- Physical signs:
- Injuries to the body, such as bruises or scratches
- Regular illnesses, for example, headaches and stomach pains
- Avoiding physical contact
If you recognize some of these symptoms, they could be signs that your teen may be experiencing abuse or trauma. You’ll be relieved to know that help is available, and professional support through mental health treatment centers such as Mission Prep can help your child recover.
Violence in Adolescent Relationships
It’s not just domestic violence in the home that can affect teenagers. If they are in a romantic relationship, they may experience domestic abuse from their partner. To put it into context, data from the National Domestic Violence Hotline says:2
- 9.4% of high school students have experienced physical violence from a dating partner
- Almost one in ten teens in relationships say their partner has tampered with their social media account
- Roughly 84% of teens who have experienced domestic abuse from their partner are psychologically abused, half are physically abused, and one-third are sexually abused
These statistics aren’t to scare you, but instead to show the unfortunate reality that many people face with domestic violence.
Talking to your child about domestic violence is vital to ensure their teenage emotional safety is protected. The following sections guide you through having these conversations in a safe and supportive way.
Creating an Environment for Safe Conversations With Teens
You may not have thought about it yet, but place and timing can make a difference to how your conversation goes. It’s important to create a comfortable and supportive environment when talking with and helping youth exposed to violence.
To ensure the discussion goes as well as it can, the following is a parent guide to domestic violence conversation:
- Location: Choose a location that feels safe, private, and comfortable
- Timing: Choose a time when neither of you will be disturbed or need to rush off midway through the conversation. You may want to put your phone on silent to avoid distracting notifications
- Educate: Do your best to understand what domestic violence means for you and how it could impact your teen
- Prepare emotionally: You don’t know what questions your teenager may ask. What if they say something you don’t like or agree with? Mentally acknowledge this ahead of time and practice breathing exercises for staying calm
- Plan: Have an idea of what you want to say and how much you are comfortable with them knowing in detail. Don’t worry, we provide some conversation starters in the next section to help you
- Have empathy. Try to understand your teen’s view on things. Acknowledge what they’ve seen, what they know, and what they think. Be ready to listen, answer questions, and be patient
How to Talk to Teens About Domestic Violence: Practical Tips for Parents
Open conversations with teenagers about violence or abuse are vital. You may have decided where and when you’ll have the talk, but what do you say? How do you start a conversation about something as painful as domestic violence?
The following are some tips, as well as conversation starters, to help you through the conversation.
Conversation Tips
Difficult conversations can be…well…difficult. There’s no other way to put it. But the following steps can help you through them..
Be Open and Honest
Being open and honest doesn’t mean that you have to have all the answers to their questions. Equally, you don’t have to share every detail of what’s happening, especially if you aren’t comfortable sharing them. Instead, you could say something like: “I want to be as open with you as I can, but there are just some things that are too difficult for me to talk about right now.”
Let Them Express Themselves
Even if they haven’t directly seen the violence, they will probably know that something has been “off”. You could say something like: “I know you’ve probably seen things happening at home that aren’t very good.”
Let them express how they feel, and importantly, let them know that you see how they feel. You could say something such as: “I can see how (upset/scared/angry) this makes you.”
Let your child know that it’s ok to share their feelings and that you won’t judge them.
Let Them Know It’s Not Their Fault
Be honest with your teen about abuse. Let them know that violence and abuse are never ok. For example: “The way that (person) acts when they are (angry/upset) is never ok.”
Also, make sure that your teen knows the only person responsible for the abuse and violence is the person carrying it out. For instance, you could explain: “No matter what (person) says, the way they act is never my fault, yours, or anyone else’s. It’s their own responsibility.”
Be Prepared to Not Talk
Your teenager may not want to talk to you about what’s going on or how they feel. In this case, you can let them know that other support is available, such as calling hotlines or talking to a therapist. But keep the door open in case they do want to talk to you in the future. Let them know that the conversation isn’t “once-and-done”, it’s something that can be returned to whenever they want.
Then, repeat each step until you feel more relaxed.
- Extended Exhale Breathing: This type of breathing, known as the “4-7-8 breathing technique,” reduces anxiety.6 The focus is on taking slow, deep breaths in and out to regulate emotions. Here’s how to do it:
- Breathe in through your nose for four seconds
- Hold your breath for a count of seven
- Exhale completely for eight seconds
Conversation Starters
It’s always best to use your own words when talking about something as personal as domestic abuse. However, we know that talking to kids about trauma can be difficult. Here are some ways you could approach the subject with your teen:
- “I was hoping to talk to you about the way (person) gets when they are (angry/have been drinking/upset)…”
- “I’ve noticed that (person) seems to do (the observed concerning behavior). How does it make you feel?”
- “It seems like lately you’ve been (avoiding certain people/more angry/having more headaches). Do you want to talk about it?”
- “I recently saw (name of a film about domestic violence). Have you seen it? What did you think?”
Supporting Teens in Violent Homes
If you are concerned for the safety of your teen at home because of domestic violence, it is important to get support. One thing you can implement is a safety plan to help them know what to do in the future if they feel scared.
A safety plan can let your teen know who they can talk to if they feel unsafe. It also shows them know where they can get help.
If you’re creating a safety plan with your teen, it could include prompts such as:9
- Who to speak to
- Where’s the safest place in the house
- How to avoid unsafe people
- Where to go in an emergency
Resources
You may want to help your teen find other resources they can access if they don’t feel comfortable discussing domestic violence with you. Some resources you could look into include:
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: 24/7 confidential hotline for calls, texts, and online chats
- 988 Lifeline: 24/7 confidential helpline for those in crisis
- The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: For children who have experienced abuse
- StrongHearts Native Helpline: 24/7 confidential domestic violence and dating violence helpline for Native Americans
- National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline: 24/7 confidential hotline for calls, texts, and online chats.
- Mission Prep: We specialize in providing therapy to teenagers for mental health healing. Our spaces are safe and confidential, allowing teens to process trauma and explore their feelings with a non-judgmental, unbiased professional
Finding Support for Trauma and Abuse with Mission Prep
Starting a conversation about domestic violence can feel extremely challenging. But having these conversations can help your teen feel heard, validated, and able to seek help when needed. You’re showing them that they don’t have to face things alone.
If you’re concerned about your teen’s well-being or mental health, our team is here to help. Mission Prep specializes in supporting teens with their mental health, including trauma. Our trauma-informed approach means that your teenager’s safety and well-being are at the heart of everything we do. Evidence-based therapies are used to ensure your teen can recover and grow in the best way possible.
If you’re seeking advice or guidance on your teen’s mental health, reach out to us today through our online contact form. We are here to support you and your family every step of the way.
References
- Office on Violence Against Women. (2025, January 22). Domestic violence. https://www.justice.gov/ovw/domestic-violence
- National Domestic Violence Hotline. (2023, July 4). Domestic Violence Statistics. https://www.thehotline.org/stakeholders/domestic-violence-statistics/
- Pang, L. H. G., & Thomas, S. J. (2019). Exposure to Domestic Violence during Adolescence: Coping Strategies and Attachment Styles as Early Moderators and their Relationship to Functioning during Adulthood. Journal of Child & Adolescent Trauma, 13(2), 185–198. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40653-019-00279-9
- Kuzhiyengal Mambra, A. J., & Kotian, S. (2024). The impact of childhood trauma on aggressive behaviour in adolescence. JuniKhyat, 14(10), 515–527.
- American Psychological Association. (2020). Emotional and behavioral effects of trauma in adolescents. Psychological Assessment, 32(8), 719-730. https://doi.org/10.1037/pla0000215
- National Child Traumatic Stress Network. (n.d.). Effects. Retrieved July 24, 2025, from https://www.nctsn.org/what-is-child-trauma/trauma-types/complex-trauma/effects.
- Rai, T., Mainali, P., Raza, A., Rashid, J., & Rutkofsky, I. (2019). Exploring the Link Between Emotional Child Abuse and Anorexia Nervosa: A Psychopathological Correlation. Cureus, 11(8), e5318. https://doi.org/10.7759/cureus.5318
- Mayo Clinic. (2022, May 19). Child abuse – Symptoms and causes. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/child-abuse/symptoms-causes/syc-20370864
- Childline. (n.d.). Making a safety plan. Retrieved July 24, 2025, from https://www.childline.org.uk/info-advice/bullying-abuse-safety/abuse-safety/making-a-safety-plan/
