Approval-Seeking in Teens: Causes, Signs, and Building Self-Esteem
October 30, 2025
Seeking approval and reassurance in relationships is a natural tendency. Hearing that we are doing a good job or making the right choices is part of how we learn. But, unfortunately, when we start to rely on others’ approval and reassurance in order to function, it can lead to problems with our mental health.
Adolescence is an important time in the development of confidence, self-esteem, and emotion regulation. However, if a teen struggles to form healthy levels of these traits, they may attempt to compensate by looking to the people around them for constant reassurance of their worth.
If your child’s self-esteem is affecting their ability to function, a mental health professional can provide support and guidance to help boost a more stable sense of worth. This page can also increase your understanding of approval-seeking in teens by covering:
- The role of approval-seeking in childhood
- What excessive teen approval-seeking is
- Causes of seeking approval in adolescents
- Recognizing approval-seeking patterns in teens
- Therapy for self-esteem issues
- Where to find support
Approval-Seeking in Childhood
Seeking approval and reassurance during childhood is critical for developing self-esteem, particularly when it comes to a child’s relationship with their parents.1 But as children get older, the need for external approval should naturally fade as they develop their own stable sense of self-worth.
We can think about approval-seeking behavior in two ways:1
Obtaining positive judgments- Avoiding negative judgments
As children, we want to be viewed positively by our parents. This is because positive reassurance is associated with feeling proud of ourselves and like a “good’ person.” Therefore, when we are given positive reinforcement and assurance, it motivates us to continue acting in certain ways. In this way, approval-seeking in childhood can be a positive motivator.
In contrast, when it comes to negative judgments, children (and the majority of adults) tend to try to avoid them as much as possible. And for good reason: Repeatedly receiving negative judgments from others can lead to low self-esteem and feelings of shame or of being a “bad” person.1
Depending on their circumstances, some children may be more focused on gaining positive reassurance, while others might focus on the negative. These distinct patterns can shape future behavior and mental health outcomes, which we consider in the next section when we discuss excessive teen approval-seeking.
Excessive Teen Approval-Seeking
Researchers defined excessive reassurance seeking as the tendency to constantly seek assurance from others to feel worthy and lovable, even if this assurance was already provided.2
Oftentimes, teens with excessive approval-seeking behavior use others to regulate their emotions. This can result in the teen experiencing issues with their own emotion regulation skills and falling back on ruminating.2 For this reason, excessive teen approval-seeking is associated with a variety of negative mental health outcomes, including depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).
But relying on others for reassurance isn’t always bad. In fact, studies showed that when we have a wide social network and different people to assist with regulating certain emotions, we tend to have a more positive outlook on life.
However, the problem emerges when adolescents place all of their energy and value into one or two significant relationships. When this happens, they can become overly reliant on the other person, and this is when symptoms of mental health conditions can start to emerge.2
Understanding the fine line between appropriate and excessive approval-seeking is the key to promoting self-confidence and fostering healthy boundaries in relationships.
Causes of Seeking Approval in Adolescents
There are many potential reasons why adolescents might look to others for excessive reassurance and approval. The following sections consider some of the most common causes.
Attachment Styles
Attachment theory suggests that our early relationships with parents deeply shapes how we see ourselves and others. Based on this bond, we tend to form one of four different attachment styles, which can influence how we build relationships throughout our life.3
Anxious attachment is linked to higher approval-seeking behavior because adolescents with this style often rely on consistent feedback from others to establish a sense of security and self-worth. On the other hand, avoidant attachment is tied to lower levels of reassurance seeking.3 Yet, teens with disorganized attachment may alternate between both patterns depending on the circumstance.
Interpersonal Conflict
Teenagers who have a history of conflicts in their earlier relationships also tend to show excessive approval-seeking.4 This may be particularly relevant when considering close friendships.
For instance, experiencing distress and problems communicating or regulating emotions in a friendship may predispose adolescents to seek approval in relationships going forward. An important factor to note is that these past interpersonal conflicts had the greatest effect on approval-seeking when the child also displayed issues with inhibitory control (feeling unable to stop negative behaviors).4
Now that we’ve identified a few of the causes of seeking approval in adolescence, the following section considers approval-seeking patterns in teens that may signal a need for concern.
Recognizing Approval-Seeking Patterns in Teens
Distinguishing between a typical level of approval-seeking and excessive approval-seeking involves looking for different behavior patterns.
The current research focuses on excessive reassurance seeking in adolescents by using a survey to measure the problematic behaviors: the Depressive Interpersonal Relationships Inventory (DIRI).5 The DIRI is a short survey that asks teens about reassurance seeking, need for approval, doubting others’ sincerity, and general dependency.
Taking this process a step further, other researchers recorded reassurance-seeking patterns and coded them based on three types of behaviors. These are:6
Asking for personal information- Looking for positive feedback
- Phrasing questions in such a way that could only provide limited responses.
For example, the researchers would code questions like “Do you really want to be my friend?” as asking for personal information. Similarly, an example of seeking positive feedback is “You think I’m smart, right?” Finally, a question seeking a limited response could be “I’m not that stupid, don’t you think?”
If your child is asking a lot of these questions like these in their friendships, romantic relationships, and familial relationships, they could be showing approval-seeking patterns.6 If this is the case, early intervention could help them restore self-esteem and self-worth.
Therapy for Self-Esteem Issues
Adolescents with low self-esteem and who constantly seek approval from others are at a higher risk of developing mental health conditions such as depression.3-5 Fortunately, there are various forms of therapy for self-esteem issues that can help with depression, anxiety, and other mental health concerns.
Studies have looked into how effective different forms of therapy are in treating conditions like depression in teenagers. Based on findings, we’ll consider four approaches in this section: cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), behavioral activation therapy, interpersonal therapy, and psychodynamic therapy.7
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is one of the most popular forms of therapy for depression, and there is an abundance of research to support its effectiveness.7,8
Traditionally, CBT focused on changing problematic thought patterns so that they didn’t lead to maladaptive behaviors. As CBT evolved, it started to encompass other aspects of emotion regulation that more directly involved thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in relationships.8
Because CBT is action-based, the therapist will likely work on building up healthy coping skills for approval-seeking. Coping skills are simply positive or negative ways of managing a stressor, so CBT encourages a teen to replace maladaptive ones.8 For example, instead of engaging in excessive approval-seeking, adolescents are taught to use more adaptive behaviors, like challenging thoughts of self-doubt.8
Behavioral Activation Therapy
Behavioral activation therapy has been used to effectively reduce depressive symptoms in adolescents.7,10 Like CBT, this form of therapy is short-term and solution-focused to increase an adolescent’s adaptive coping behaviors. The key is to reward activity-based behaviors instead of avoidance behaviors. It’s particularly helpful for emotion regulation and promoting self-confidence through positive problem-solving behaviors.10
Interpersonal Therapy
Another type of therapy used as an early intervention for low self-esteem is interpersonal therapy (IPT).7,11 This form of therapy focuses on enhancing social support, decreasing interpersonal stress, processing emotions, and improving interpersonal skills.11
If your child takes part in IPT, they will bring a specific interpersonal problem to sessions in order to tackle it. In the case of approval seeking, this may be the negative consequences of consistently looking for reassurance. Sessions will then focus on working through how to solve the problem while developing better interpersonal and emotional processing skills.11
Psychodynamic Therapy
Another form of therapy for building resilience in teens and promoting self-confidence is psychodynamic therapy.7,12 Psychodynamic therapy uses several clinical processes to facilitate change in adolescents with mental health concerns.
First, promoting insight is essential for allowing a teenager to understand their problematic thoughts and patterns of behavior, like excessive approval-seeking. Next, the therapist guides the teen in working through the issue, rebuilding self-esteem, and releasing bottled-up emotions in a healthy way.12
Aside from the approaches mentioned, there are other forms of therapy that encourage coping strategies for approval-seeking and support independent decision-making in adolescents. Reaching out to a trusted mental health professional can help you navigate the most appropriate treatment options for your child’s needs.
Mission Prep: Prioritizing Teen Wellness and Personal Growth
If you’re concerned that your child’s patterns of approval-seeking are tied to low self-worth or a mental health condition, you don’t have to help them overcome their issues alone.
At Mission Prep, we’re here to provide parental guidance for building confidence in teens. We treat a variety of mental health conditions that are linked to teen approval-seeking, including depression, anxiety, and OCD.
Whether you are looking for outpatient treatment services or residential mental health treatment, we have options to support all levels of your child’s wellness and personal growth. Contact our team today to speak to a trained mental health professional who can offer you advice and recommendations tailored to your unique situation.
References
- Rudolph, K. D., Caldwell, M. S., & Conley, C. S. (2005). Need for approval and children’s well‐being. Child development, 76(2), 309-323. doi:10.1111/j.1467-8624.2005.00847_a.x
- Abe, K., & Nakashima, K. (2022). Excessive reassurance seeking and mental health: Interpersonal networks for emotion regulation. Current Psychology, 41(7), 4711-4721. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12144-020-00955-2
- Evraire, L. E., Ludmer, J. A., & Dozois, D. J. (2014). The influence of priming attachment styles on excessive reassurance seeking and negative feedback seeking in depression. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 33(4), 295-318. https://doi.org/10.1521/jscp.2014.33.4.295
- Clayton, M. G., Giletta, M., Boettiger, C. A., & Prinstein, M. J. (2021). Determinants of excessive reassurance-seeking: Adolescents’ internalized distress, friendship conflict, and inhibitory control as prospective predictors. Journal of Clinical Child & Adolescent Psychology, 50(1), 88-96. doi:10.1080/15374416.2019.1604234
- Joiner, T. E., & Metalsky, G. I. (2001). Excessive reassurance seeking: Delineating a risk factor involved in the development of depressive symptoms. Psychological Science, 12(5), 371-378. DOI: 10.1111/1467-9280.00369
- Stewart, J. G., & Harkness, K. L. (2017). Testing a revised interpersonal theory of depression using a laboratory measure of excessive reassurance seeking. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 73(3), 331-348. DOI: 10.1002/jclp.22338
- Cuijpers, P., Quero, S., Noma, H., Ciharova, M., Miguel, C., Karyotaki, E., Cipriani, A., Cristea, I. A., & Furukawa, T. A. (2021). Psychotherapies for depression: A network meta-analysis covering efficacy, acceptability and long-term outcomes of all main treatment types. World Psychiatry, 20(2), 283-293. https://doi.org/10.1002/wps.20860
- Cuijpers, P., Miguel, C., Harrer, M., Plessen, C. Y., Ciharova, M., Ebert, D., & Karyotaki, E. (2023). Cognitive behavior therapy vs. control conditions, other psychotherapies, pharmacotherapies and combined treatment for depression: A comprehensive meta‐analysis including 409 trials with 52,702 patients. World Psychiatry, 22(1), 105-115. https://doi.org/10.1002/wps.21069
- Palmieri, A., Fernandez, K. C., Cariolato, Y., Kleinbub, J. R., Salvatore, S., & Gross, J. J. (2022). Emotion regulation in psychodynamic and cognitive-behavioural therapy: An integrative perspective. Clinical Neuropsychiatry, 19(2), 103. https://doi.org/10.36131/cnfioritieditore20220204
- Barekat, S. N., Foroozandeh, E., & Banitaba, S. M. (2025). Effectiveness of Behavioral Activation and Mindfulness-Based Interventions on Emotional Balance and Cognitive Avoidance in Female Students with Depressive Symptoms. Women’s Health Bulletin, 12(1), 66-78. https://doi.org/10.30476/whb.2024.104456.1320
- Lipsitz, J. D., & Markowitz, J. C. (2013). Mechanisms of change in interpersonal therapy (IPT). Clinical Psychology Review, 33(8), 1134-1147. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2013.09.002
- Sammer-Schreckenthaler, S., Lagetto, G., Unterrainer, H. F., & Gelo, O. C. (2025). Specific and common therapeutic factors in psychodynamic psychotherapy for children and adolescents: an overview. Frontiers in Psychology, 16, 1525849. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2025.1525849
