Teen Jealousy & Insecurity: Emotional Awareness and Coping Tips
Jealousy is a strong emotion, but it can be hard to define. In the current research, jealousy is understood as a negative feeling coming from perceiving a threat from another in a close relationship.1
While we usually think of jealousy as a ‘bad’ emotion, it serves a purpose to an extent. Sometimes it is a feeling of jealousy that helps a person identify relationships they don’t want to lose. But more often, feelings of jealousy are linked to problem behaviors in relationships.1
When it comes to teen jealousy, studies focus mainly on friendships and romantic relationships. During adolescence, children begin to prioritize relationships with their peers and romantic partners over their family relationships, which can set the stage for feelings of insecurity and jealousy.
This article will discuss teen jealousy and adolescent insecurity, paying special attention to the following topics:
- Causes of jealousy in teens
- Signs of adolescent insecurity
- Early intervention for emotional issues
- Promoting self-confidence in teens
- Parental support for insecure teens
Causes of Jealousy in Teens
Researchers consider jealousy a basic social emotion, meaning it’s a natural aspect of human nature.1 However, it’s also true that some people experience jealousy more frequently and intensely than others.
Let’s look at some of the causes of jealousy in teens to understand how this feeling affects them during this crucial time in development.
Social Comparison
When an adolescent compares their own achievements, skills, and appearance to another’s, it is known as social comparison. There are a few different types of social comparison that have been studied:
- Upward: Comparing yourself to someone superior.
- Horizontal: Comparing yourself to someone who is equal.
- Downward: Comparing yourself to someone inferior.
Comparison, in some instances, can be a positive thing. For example, making a downward comparison can improve our self-esteem.9 Upward comparison, on the other hand, tends to lead to greater feelings of jealousy.1
We all have times when we compare ourselves to others, but teenagers are particularly vulnerable to this because they show signs of lower self-esteem and insecurity compared to younger children.1
When your self-esteem is low, every comparison tends to be an upward comparison. And if this is the case, you may feel like you always fall short of your goals, potentially leading to more insecurities.
Insecure Attachment
Attachment theory is a way that psychologists explain human bonding behavior. According to the theory, our experiences with our caregivers go on to impact how we behave in our later relationships. There are different attachment styles that develop based on our early relationships: Secure, anxious, and avoidant.2
In a broad sense, we can look at two categories: Secure vs. insecure attachment (anxious and avoidant). Insecure attachment is linked to a variety of negative outcomes, including depressive symptoms, cognitive dysfunction, and low self-esteem.2
It is important to note that depressive symptoms are also impacted by low self-esteem, so addressing adolescent insecurity can promote better outcomes.2
Peer Status
We can think of peer status as a teenager’s popularity within a friend group. Popularity is a form of social power, and it is linked to both positive and negative behaviors.3 Teen jealousy becomes an issue when the child is faced with something they perceive as threatening, like the quality of a friendship lessening or falling down the ranks in the social hierarchy of a friend group.3
Signs of Adolescent Insecurity
Your child might not talk to you directly about feelings of insecurity, but there are certain warning signs you can look for. Changes in sleep patterns and emotional eating are two signs of adolescent insecurity seen in recent research.4
Teenagers with disrupted sleep, shortened sleep time, or insomnia report higher levels of depression, anxiety, anger, and frustration. Additionally, these emotional responses are often linked to body dissatisfaction and problems with eating. Emotional eating or restricting food intake is a cause for concern, especially if your child is voicing dissatisfaction with their body. These behaviors can lead to a more serious mental health problem, such as anorexia, bulimia, or binge-eating disorder.4
Voicing feelings of sadness and anxiety on a regular basis is also a sign of adolescent insecurity.5 Anxiety and depressive symptoms are linked to teenagers’ self-esteem, with adolescents reporting more feelings of sadness, fear, and tenseness when their self-esteem is lower.5
It’s important to look out for these early warning signs in your child so that you can help them get the help they need to develop better coping strategies and emotion regulation skills.
Early Intervention for Emotional Issues
If you notice that your child is showing signs of emotional issues, including jealousy and insecurity, there are several options for early intervention for emotional issues. Two forms of therapy available for adolescents are:
- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)6
- Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)7
Let’s explore each in turn.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
There are six primary therapeutic processes involved in ACT: Acceptance, cognitive defusion, present moment awareness, self-as-context, values6. Here’s a breakdown of each process:
- Acceptance is what allows your child to be open to experiencing their emotions without judgment. For example, accepting that they are jealous of a friend or accepting that they feel insecure in social situations.6
- Cognitive defusion is the process of letting thoughts go instead of hanging on to them and ruminating. Rather than focusing on how they don’t measure up to their peers, your teen can notice the thought and let it go.6
- Present moment awareness is also known as mindfulness, and we’ve seen that mindfulness techniques are effective in treating anxiety and depression in adolescents.6
- Self-as-context means that your child understands they will have negative feelings about themself, but those feelings and thoughts do not define them as a person. Improving self-as-context is beneficial for supporting health relationships, both with family members and peers.6
- Acknowledging personal values that guide your child’s behavior is a key concept in ACT. When adolescents engage with their personal values, there is evidence that self-esteem improves. Therefore, staying true to your values is an important part of fostering healthy self-esteem.6
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
DBT often combines individual therapy, skills groups, phone coaching, and therapist consultation to treat emotional problems in adolescents. All of the skills are grouped into four modules: distress tolerance, emotion regulation, mindfulness, and interpersonal effectiveness. DBT has been effective in treating chronic suicidal behaviors, borderline personality disorder (BPD), emotion dysregulation, and eating disorders.7
Recent research focusing on DBT for adolescent eating disorders directly tackles feelings of body dissatisfaction that can result from social comparisons. DBT aids teenagers in recognizing emotional triggers for maladaptive behaviors.7
Specific behaviors targeted can include binge eating, vomiting, other compensatory behaviors (exercise and laxatives), and restriction. By learning how to better regulate their emotions, adolescents can cope with feelings of jealousy and insecurity without turning to these harmful behaviors.7
Promoting Self-Confidence in Teens
There are a variety of coping skills that can be used for promoting self-confidence in teens. Two examples are cognitive restructuring and thought defusion.
Cognitive Restructuring
Restructuring negative thoughts allows teens to challenge negative core beliefs about themselves.8 For example, when comparing to friends, an adolescent might start to feel jealous and insecure due to specific thought patterns. To challenge those thoughts, the child is encouraged to come up with a positive or neutral thought that is more in line with the objective facts of a situation.8
Thought Defusion
Thought defusion, which we mentioned earlier with ACT, involves noticing thoughts and letting them go. Sometimes this involves repeating thoughts over and over until they begin to lose their emotional meaning.8 Another strategy is separating yourself from the thought by consciously thinking, I’m having the thought that…
Practicing simple yet effective coping strategies for jealousy helps to build resiliency against insecurity. Rather than focusing on negative, self-deprecating thoughts, your child will learn to look at things from another perspective and be less likely to continue comparing themselves to others.8
Parental Support for Insecure Teens
Finding ways to support your child’s treatment leads to more positive outcomes. DBT can incorporate specific parent training to better understand how your child is feeling and the skills that they are learning to combat negative thoughts.7
One part of DBT is filling out a daily diary card so your child can track their symptoms and skills. Based on what they report in the diary card, a therapist can incorporate parent skills training and family therapy sessions to discuss ways to support emotion regulation in teens.7
ACT is also known to involve parental support for insecure teens throughout the six therapeutic processes that we covered earlier in this article.6
Mission Prep: Supporting Teen Wellness and Mental Health
At Mission Prep, we strive to provide effective mental health services to support teen wellness. Our outpatient therapy programs can offer enough structure for teens dealing with less severe emotional issues. However, if your child is trying to manage more severe behavioral health symptoms, a residential mental health facility may be more appropriate. It can be difficult to navigate all these treatment options.
If you want help, call us today, and our team will listen to your situation, answer questions, and provide recommendations. Your child deserves to receive early intervention for emotional issues and get themselves back on the path to wellness.
References
- Lennarz, H. K., Lichtwarck-Aschoff, A., Finkenauer, C., & Granic, I. (2017). Jealousy in adolescents’ daily lives: How does it relate to interpersonal context and well-being?. Journal of Adolescence, 54, 18-31. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.adolescence.2016.09.008
- Lee, A., & Hankin, B. L. (2009). Insecure attachment, dysfunctional attitudes, and low self-esteem predicting prospective symptoms of depression and anxiety during adolescence. Journal of clinical child & Adolescent Psychology, 38(2), 219-231. doi:10.1080/15374410802698396
- Kraft, C., & Mayeux, L. (2018). Associations among friendship jealousy, peer status, and relational aggression in early adolescence. The Journal of Early Adolescence, 38(3), 385-407.https://doi.org/10.1177/0272431616670992
- White, M. L., Triplett, O. M., Morales, N., & Van Dyk, T. R. (2024). Associations among sleep, emotional eating, and body dissatisfaction in adolescents. Child Psychiatry & Human Development, 1-11. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10578-024-01692-4
- Mlawer, F., Hubbard, J. A., Bookhout, M. K., & Moore, C. C. (2021). Levels and instability of daily self-esteem in adolescents: relations to depressive and anxious symptoms. Research on Child and Adolescent Psychopathology, 49(8), 1083-1095. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10802-021-00802-3
- Petersen, J. M., & Pimentel, S. S. (2024). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for Adolescent Anxiety. Current Treatment Options in Psychiatry, 11(4), 366-372. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40501-024-00335-8
- Reilly, E. E., Orloff, N. C., Luo, T., Berner, L. A., Brown, T. A., Claudat, K., Kaye, W.H. & Anderson, L. K. (2025). Dialectical behavioral therapy for the treatment of adolescent eating disorders: a review of existing work and proposed future directions. Dialectical Behavior Therapy for Eating Disorders, 26-45. DOI: 10.1080/10640266.2020.1743098
- Larsson, A., Hooper, N., Osborne, L. A., Bennett, P., & McHugh, L. (2016). Using brief cognitive restructuring and cognitive defusion techniques to cope with negative thoughts. Behavior modification, 40(3), 452-482. DOI: 10.1177/0145445515621488
- Yang, Y., & Chae, H. (2023). The Effect of Downward Social Comparison on Creativity in Organizational Teams, with the Moderation of Narcissism and the Mediation of Negative Affect. Behavioral sciences (Basel, Switzerland), 13(8), 633. https://doi.org/10.3390/bs13080633
