how to talk to your parents about getting help for depression

Discussing depression with parents as a teen can feel overwhelming – but it’s important not to wait to seek support.

Depression is an ongoing sense of sadness and hopelessness that is there for most of the day, every day, for at least two weeks. Even though depression is often thought of as an “emotional” condition, it actually can have a serious impact on both the mental and physical health of a teenager. Meaning that it can affect your mind, body, relationships, school performance, and overall happiness if left untreated.^1,2

There’s a famous quote by an unknown source that goes, “Depression is a war you fight alone, but you don’t have to win by yourself.” In other words, depression may be a battle you fight in your mind every day, but with professional advice and guidance, as well as love and support from family members, you can get through it.

If you’re worried about talking to your parents about depression, this article can help by covering:

How to overcome the fear of discussing depression with parents
Tips for discussing depression with parents as a teen
Resources for teens to help them talk about depression, including answers to frequently asked questions
When to seek professional support for teen depression

Key Takeaways

Teen depression can affect mood, body, relationships, and school—and often means feeling sad or hopeless most days for 2+ weeks.
If talking to a parent/guardian feels hard, choose a calm time, plan a few words, and start with a simple ask (“Can we talk?”).
Reaching out is a strong first step toward support from a therapist, doctor, or teen depression treatment program.
If they aren’t supportive at first, try again later and consider a trusted adult (teacher, school counselor, mentor, relative).
What kinds of therapy can help teen depression? Options include CBT, interpersonal therapy, EMDR, and TMS, sometimes with supervised medication.

Overcoming Fear of Discussing Depression With Parents

Talking to a parent about depression can feel scary for a number of reasons.³

You might feel worried about…

How they’ll react
Whether they’ll take you seriously
Being judged
Adding to their stress
Being misunderstood

Although each of these factors might scare you, remember that your health and well-being are likely at the top of your parent’s list of concerns. It’s possible they may be sad that you feel this way, but the help you receive will make the conversation worth it. Parents are human – so, you might not be able to control how they react, but the tips provided below can help make sure you get the support you need.

On a note, you may also feel scared to talk to your parents about your depression if your relationship with them is contributing to how you feel. If this is the case, there are other adults who can support you. They may even be able to help you create a plan for talking with your parents if this is something you want to do. Adults you could trust might include extended family members such as an aunt or uncle, teachers, school counselors, or mentors.

Discussing Depression With Parents as a Teen

The following five tips for discussing depression with parents can help you open up about how you’re feeling. While talking to your parents about your depression is not a replacement for professional mental health treatment, these tips can start the process of getting you the guidance you need.

Tips for Teens to Talk to Parents About Depression^4-6

1. Understand That Seeking Help Is a Sign of Strength

Recognizing that you need support and mustering up the courage to ask for it is a sign of strength. It’s awareness that something outside of your control is going wrong and that you want to get better. The most successful people in life are not those who never experience problems – they are those who do and know when to ask for help.

Talking about your depression with a parent could be considered the same as speaking with them about having trouble with a subject in school. You understand there’s an issue that you can’t get past by yourself.

2. Pick Your Moment

Just as there are times of the day when you feel less present in the moment, your parents will also have periods when they’re a little more emotionally “distracted.” For instance, maybe the best time to talk wouldn’t be when they’re rushing to get everyone out the door in the morning for school and work. Choose a time when everyone is present in the moment and more at ease. For instance, after dinner.

3. Think About What You Want to Say

It can be tough to know how to start a conversation about depression with a parent. Sometimes, it can help to think about what it is you want to say. You could even create a few lines in your head about how you want to express yourself. Or, if the thought of starting the conversation face-to-face feels like too much, you could send what you want to say in a text or an email. For example:

“I’ve been struggling with my feelings lately. I think it’s more than a bad mood and I really could use your support.”
I’ve been feeling down, and I think it could be depression. I think it would help for me to talk to you about it.”

On a note, don’t wait until you’re sure what it is you want to say before having a conversation about depression. You may never feel certain about how you want to express yourself. Sometimes it helps just to say “Do you have a minute? I need to talk to you.” Then, once you have their attention, say what’s on your mind. This might include discussing your feelings, or it might involve talking about how you’re struggling to function day to day.

The likelihood is, that once you start to open up to them, a parent may ask you to tell them more. This way, the conversation will start to naturally unfold.

4. Don’t Get Caught Up in Explanations

If you’ve chosen to talk to your parents about how you’re feeling, you already know that depression is taking a toll on your well-being and ability to lead your daily life. Once you’ve explained this, you shouldn’t need to keep repeating how it’s affecting you or why you think it’s happening. Instead, focus on how you need support to help you get past depression.

Sometimes, when parents are taken aback or are surprised by information (especially if you have “hidden depression”), they might initially minimize it. For instance, they might say “Every teenager feels like this sometimes; it’s normal.” If this happens, tell them again that what you’re going through is serious and that you need their help. You could also give them our article “What Is Depression” to help them better understand.

5. Don't Give Up

If you feel like a parent doesn’t understand, don’t give up. Sometimes, it takes a little time for the message to sink in – but this doesn’t mean they don’t care. There are numerous reasons why parents might not fully take the first conversation about depression on board. For example, it might have been a bad time for them, the information might have initially been a little difficult for them to absorb, or they may have hoped that what you’re going through would pass on its own.

Ask them again if they have a moment to speak to you, and let them know it’s important that you have their full attention. If you still don’t feel like they’re getting the message, remember that there are other adults you can speak to, such as teachers, mentors, and school counselors. Such people are very familiar with depression and how it can affect a teen’s life, so they may even be able to talk to your parents with you.

The most important factor when talking about your depression is not to wait. The longer you put off the conversation, the worse your feelings can become. However, the sooner you choose to open up, the sooner you’ll get support and loosen depression’s grip on your life.

Resources for Teens to Help Talk to Parents About Depression

Coping with depression is hard – but you don’t have to deal with it alone. Talking to your parents or another adult about what you’re going through is an important step in looking after your happiness. Parents can help you find a doctor or therapist who can assist you in understanding why you’re feeling the way you are and how to find better ways of managing these feelings.

Therapy with a trained professional can give you a safe space to talk about and explore your feelings. There’s a variety of therapy options for teen depression, but the following are some of the most successful for treating depression:

The good thing about these therapies is that they can be delivered in very flexible ways depending on your needs, such as part of residential mental health treatment programs or an outpatient program.

On another note, a doctor may talk to you about the option of medication such as antidepressants, depending on your symptoms. They’ll likely also tell you that these medications work best when they’re controlled, supervised, and used along with therapy.

FAQs About Speaking to an Adult About Depression:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

CBT can help you pinpoint and challenge the negative thoughts that lead to your depression. It can also help you figure out healthy ways of coping with emotions and how to shift these skills into the “real” world outside of therapy.

Interpersonal Therapy

This form of therapy could help you understand how your relationships can add to your feelings of depression – and how to work through any issues.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

Sometimes, our previous experiences, such as trauma, can lead to depression. If this is the case for you, EMDR can help you process these experiences in a safe, supportive environment. It can do so by changing the way trauma is stored in the brain to help you form more positive self-beliefs and cope with life’s challenges.

Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation

TMS is a non-interfering treatment that uses magnetic fields to “switch on” nerve cells in certain areas of the brain –helping to improve your outlook and mood.

The following commonly asked questions reflect teenager’s concerns about speaking to a parent or adult about their depression. The answers to these will hopefully ease any worries you might have and make the conversation about depression easier for you.

“How do I start the conversation about my depression with an adult?”

Choose a place where you feel most comfortable talking and a time when an adult is likely to be able to give you their full attention. You can either let your feelings guide you when starting the conversation, or you can prepare a few lines in advance. For example, “My feelings have been getting on top of me and I think it’s more serious than a bad mood. Talking to you and knowing I have your support could really help.”

“What if they don’t take me seriously?”

If you don’t feel like an adult or parent takes how you’re feeling seriously the first time around, try not to be discouraged. Try again, making sure you choose a moment when you have their full attention and calmly tell them how what you’re going through is affecting your life. If you feel like this still doesn’t work, remember there are other adults who can help and who can speak to your parents with you.

“How do I ask for professional help for depression?”

Tell your parents or another adult about how what you’re going through is affecting your life and that you’re finding it difficult to cope alone. You might also say something along the lines of “I think talking to a doctor or mental health professional could help me understand my feelings and manage them. Could you help me find one?”

When to Seek Professional Support for Teen Depression

If you’re worried about how depression is affecting your life, you don’t have to cope with it by yourself. Depression plays a nasty trick on teens’ minds, bending how they see reality and making them feel like there’s no hope for the future. It doesn’t have to be this way – talking to your parents or another trusted adult can help you get the support you need.

At Mission Prep, we understand that talking about depression can be hard. For this reason, our team of empathetic, trained professionals aims to make the process as easy as possible for teenagers and their families. We offer individual-focused depression treatment based on each teenager’s unique needs and in various locations, making sure that your voice is heard and considered. There is always hope, even when your own mind tries to tell you otherwise. Contact us today for support and advice.

References

American Psychiatric Association. (n.d.). What is depression? https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/depression/what-is-depression
World Health Organization. (n.d.). Depression. World Health Organization. Retrieved 23rd Feb, from https://www.who.int/health-topics/depression#tab=tab_1
National Institute for Health and Care Research. (2021, September 29). Why don’t teenagers seek help for anxiety and depression? NIHR Evidence. https://evidence.nihr.ac.uk/alert/why-dont-teenagers-seek-help-anxiety-depression/
Nemours KidsHealth. (n.d.). Talking to parents about depression. KidsHealth. Retrieved 23rd Feb, from https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/talk-depression.html
Mental Health America. (n.d.). Time to talk: Talking to your parents. Mental Health America. Retrieved 23rd Feb, from https://www.mhanational.org/time-talk-talking-your-parents
National Alliance on Mental Illness. (n.d.). How to talk to my parents or guardian. NAMI. Retrieved 23rd Feb, from https://www.nami.org/your-journey/kids-teens-and-young-adults/teens/how-to-talk-to-my-parents-or-guardian/

FAQs About Talking to Your Parents about Depression

How do I start the conversation about depression with my parents or another adult?

Choose a place where you feel comfortable and a time when they can give you full attention. You can speak from the moment or prepare a few lines ahead of time. Some teens find it easier to begin with a short statement about struggling and wanting support.

What if my parents or guardian don’t take me seriously?

Try not to be discouraged. Bring it up again at a better time, calmly explain how it’s impacting your day-to-day life, and ask for their full attention. If it still doesn’t help, reach out to another trusted adult who can support you and may even help you talk with your parents.

What can I do if my relationship with my parents is part of why I feel depressed?

You can still get support from other adults you trust, such as an aunt or uncle, a teacher, a school counselor, or a mentor. They can help you feel less alone and may help you make a plan for talking with your parents if you want to.

How do I ask for professional help for depression?

Tell your parent/guardian (or another trusted adult) how it’s affecting your life and that coping alone feels hard. You can directly ask for help finding a doctor or mental health professional so you can better understand what you’re feeling and learn ways to manage it.

When should I seek professional support for teen depression?

If you’re worried about how depression is affecting your life, it’s a sign to reach out rather than waiting. Talking to a parent/guardian or another trusted adult can help you access the support you need.