Relational Aggression in Girls: Understanding Social Conflict

Published: 06/08/2026 | Updated: 06/09/2026

Authored by: Louise Hartnett, B.A.

Edited by: Michael Fegan, B.A.

Instead of acts of physical violence, much of the bullying and conflict that goes on between teen girls is relational in nature. This relational aggression can look like gossip, manipulation, and social exclusion.

Though both girls and boys engage in relational aggression, girls tend to be harmed by it to a greater extent. This can have hugely negative consequences for their general well-being, experience at school, and mental health.

Navigating these conflicts can be incredibly complex and difficult for the teenagers involved, and painful for their parents to witness from afar. Understanding relational aggression in teen girls is essential for parents, educators, and the teens themselves to make sense of these dynamics. This article will explain why relational aggression occurs and how teens can navigate it. It will discuss:

What relational aggression in teen girls is.
Why girls use relational aggression.
Peer culture for girls and why it can contribute to relational drama.
Toxic female friendships in adolescence.
How girls can navigate and resolve social conflict.

What Is Relational Aggression?

Relational aggression is a type of bullying behavior that harms someone’s:

Social status.
Relationships.
Psychological well-being.

While physical aggression is carried out in violent acts, relational aggression can include:^[1]

Gossiping.
Spreading rumors.
Excluding people or “freezing” people out.
Manipulation.

Both girls and boys participate in relational aggression with their peers, but research finds that relational aggression among girls is often more damaging.^[1] If a teen is the victim of relational aggression at school, it can make their daily life and mental health incredibly fraught.

Social conflict in girls and adolescents often plays out through these subtle but deeply harmful behaviors. This often makes it harder to identify and address than physical bullying.

Why Do Girls Use Relational Aggression?

There’s not only one reason why a teenage girl might act in a relationally aggressive way. Social dynamics are incredibly complex for young people, and things like identity, confidence, and learned patterns of communicating get tied up in them.

Understanding the reasons for relational aggression can help both the teens themselves and their teachers or caregivers. Instead of labeling it as friendship drama, teen girls can be given a more nuanced understanding of their behavior.

The reasons for relational aggression might be proactive (planned ahead) or reactive (in response to something). These include:^[1]

Girls who engage in reactive relational aggression often do so because of a perceived slight. Research finds they tend to have high levels of social-cognitive bias, which means they’re more likely to perceive the behavior of others as malicious, even when it’s not.
Proactive relational aggression can be driven by a need to gain popularity and status, even if it means they’re not well-liked.
The friendship group itself can also influence the amount of aggression used by its members. For example, research finds that groups will be more antisocial if they have predominantly male members, and violence is more severe when there are more male peers.
Some research finds that girls who use relational aggression for revenge and gaining status feel more restrained by their parents. One possible explanation is that they gravitate towards friendships in which they won’t be restrained because they feel overly monitored at home.
The age of a teenager is another important factor because, as adolescents mature, they become better at resisting peer pressure and influence. As a result, younger teens could be more likely to succumb to the perceived rewards of risky behaviors.

Understanding the Peer Culture of Girls

To properly support girls who are either perpetrators or victims of relational aggression, it’s important to understand the nature of their relationships more deeply. This can also be called their “peer culture.” Girls and boys often grow up in different peer cultures, whereby they experience different:^[2]

Expectations for and qualities of relationships.
Group norms.
Goals in social interactions.
Peer behaviors.
Types of aggression and bullying.

For example, research finds that female peer groups tend to emphasize: one-on-one relationships or smaller groups, conflict avoidance, and greater compliance with adults. Furthermore, female relationships during adolescence are characterized by:^[2]

Greater intimacy and self-disclosure.
Intense discussion about both platonic and romantic relationships.
Having exclusive relationships.

These conditions of female friendships create a peer culture of emotionality and closeness, which is then exploited when relational aggression is used. Girls tend to:^[2]

Experience more stress around their relationships than boys.
Seek more support from others.
Ruminate more about their problems.

One reason why girls are more negatively impacted by relational aggression could be that their peer culture makes it so that they have more to lose. Many girls share their innermost secrets with their friends, making it more devastating when these bonds of trust are broken.^[1]

Are You or a Loved One Struggling with anxiety, depression, or other mental health concerns?

Mission Prep is here to help you or your loved one take the next steps towards an improved mental well-being.

Toxic Female Friendships During Adolescence

What used to be known as mean girl behavior in teens is now sometimes termed “toxic.” A toxic friendship is essentially one that makes a young person feel bad about themselves. Sometimes, a toxic friend is known as a “frenemy” because they do mean things while also acting like a friend.^[3]

Signs of a toxic or frenemy female relationship include many kinds of relational aggression. Recognizing these girl bullying signs in adolescents can help identify when a friendship has become harmful:

Put-downs: A peer might frequently criticize, belittle, or undermine your teen. Often, these put downs will be disguised as a joke.
Manipulation: Social manipulation in teens, especially girls, typically uses guilt or the silent treatment to create desired outcomes. For example, playing the victim when a peer goes to social events without them.
Emotional bullying: Emotional bullying in adolescents might involve put-downs, but it can also involve gossip or conditions of friendship. For example, only acting like a friend if their peer does their homework or wears certain clothes.
Rejection and exclusion: Peer rejection in teen girls could be both face-to-face or online, for a variety of reasons. Clothing, outings, and other friendships can all result in social exclusion and bullying in girls.

Underhanded tactics: Passive-aggressive behavior in teen girls can include sarcasm or the silent treatment. It is typically an attempt to express anger or hurt, or gain control without having to face conflict.

Though they’re bullying without physical violence, teens who carry out relational aggression can inflict a great deal of distress. The mental health effects of relational aggression can include:

Anxiety.
Depression.
Lasting difficulties with trust.

Handling toxic friendships in girls requires a combination of bravery and self-protection.

Resolving Social Conflict for Girls and Adolescents

If you’ve tried to resolve the situation and it’s not worked, there are a few ways you can deal with peer conflict. Relational aggression with peers can be difficult to navigate, so it might call for involving an adult, setting strong boundaries, or leaving the friendship for good.

Get Help in Toxic Situations

You might feel like keeping your friendship conflict to yourself and not involving an adult. While this is completely OK in many circumstances, it’s also OK to get advice from an adult if you’re not sure how to handle it.

A trusted adult will be able to:

Give you advice.
Validate your feelings.
Give ongoing support.

If you want their advice, they may be able to help you work out what you’re going to say to a peer at school or how you’re going to set boundaries with them.

Set Boundaries When Possible

If a friend is belittling you, trying to change your interests or behavior, or just makes you feel drained after you see them, it might not be a healthy friendship. In some unhealthy friendships, it’s possible to set boundaries to reduce the impact of their behavior on you.

Though you can’t control what others do or say, you can set boundaries for the relationship and yourself that limit what you’re exposed to. For example:

Not participating in gossip.
Stepping away when conversations become manipulative.
Keeping contact only on school grounds.

Boundaries aren’t rules for other people; they’re about your own behavior and self-protection. You don’t need to apologize for having boundaries because they are an important part of self-respect.

End Toxic Friendships

Ideally, you’ll be able to have a neutral and calm conversation with a friend, but it’s not always possible. When your boundaries continue to be challenged or if you no longer want someone as a friend, you’re totally entitled to leave that friendship.

The way you end a friendship will depend on what you’re comfortable with and what’s safe to do. Though it’s often recommended to have an in-person conversation, texts and phone calls are sometimes necessary if you feel safer maintaining that distance.

Ending a toxic friendship can be difficult, but you can make it as brief and as straightforward as you need to. Simply stating that you no longer want to be friends is enough, along with a short statement like, “I feel unhappy in our friendship.”

Find New Friends

Seeking out new and healthier friendships is always an option, despite how daunting it might feel. Just because you made friends with a certain group of people at one time in school doesn’t mean you can’t branch out and make new connections.

Teen girl social anxiety from bullying can make this feel especially difficult, but building new friendships can help you put toxic relationships behind you. You can try to find new friends by:^[3]

Joining a school club for a sport or a hobby that you like.
Sitting next to different people in your classes.
Attending clubs outside of school to meet other teens in your community.
Starting a club or association for something you love if there’s not one already.

Every teen deserves to thrive

There is no commitment required. Just an honest, confidential conversation about the support your family needs. Let’s take the first step together.

"*" indicates required fields

Find Therapy for Relational Aggression in Girls With Mission Prep Teen Treatment

The mental health effects of relational aggression might include anxiety and depression, which sometimes call for professional support. Therapy for social conflict in teens can help young people process what they’ve experienced and develop strategies for protecting themselves in future relationships.

Mission Prep Teen Treatment therapists specialize in providing evidence-based and personalized mental health treatment for young people, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and art therapy.

If your teen has been experiencing difficulties with their mental health as a result of peer conflict or bullying, reach out to us. Our treatment programs can help them process their experience, build their confidence, and develop social skills to cope with challenging social dynamics in the future.

To speak with one of our caring team members, call 866-901-4047. There is no cost or obligation when you reach out to us for a supportive conversation.