Understanding Limerence in Teens: Signs and Ways to Cope
Picture your teen constantly glued to their phone, re-reading every message, and talking almost exclusively about their latest crush. At first, it might seem like a typical teenage infatuation, but what if it’s more than that? What if it’s limerence?
Limerence in teens can make them feel reliant on a crush’s attention or approval, adding to the intense emotional highs and lows teens may already face. Without support, limerence can significantly impact many areas of their life.
If you’re concerned that an intense crush in teens might have tipped into “something more,” learning about limerence may help. While professional guidance is recommended, this page can help you understand limerence in more detail, covering:
- What limerence is
- Teenage vulnerability to limerence
- Signs of limerence
- Limerence’s impact on teen life
- Coping strategies for adolescents experiencing limerence
- Professional support options
What Is Limerence in Teens?
Limerence vs. Love
There are some crucial differences between love, crushes, and limerence. Here are some of these differences:- Love: Involves mutual respect, trust, and independence, with both partners feeling valued and fulfilled
- Crushes: Intense attractions that tend to come and go with newfound love
- Limerence: Thoughts and feelings revolve around the LO and are involuntary, pervasive, and intrusive. Limerence has specific, set stages, which are:3
- Pre-limerence: Desire for a romantic connection
- Pre-reciprocity: A strong desire or infatuation for the LO develops
- Reciprocity: When an LO either reciprocates or rejects the person’s interest. If rejection occurs, limerence ends
- Gradual dissolution: Limerence fades or stops
- Post-limerence: The person either continues a healthy relationship with their partner (former LO) or the relationship ends
So, why might teens be more sensitive to developing limerence? The following section provides a more detailed consideration of this.
Why Teens May Be More Vulnerable to Limerence
While limerence can be experienced by anyone given the right circumstances, some people may be more vulnerable to experiencing it than others. Some of the factors that may affect susceptibility to limerence include:4
- Brain chemistry
- Attachment style
- Neurodivergence
- Social media use
Let’s look at what this means for adolescents in the following sections.
Brain Chemistry
In teenagers, the parts of the brain responsible for impulse control and emotional regulation are still developing, while the reward system is very sensitive. This means that a romantic attraction can actually trigger dopamine “highs”, making a crush feel hard to step away from.5
Attachment Style
Attachment styles may also play a role in limerence in teens. Specifically, teens with anxious attachments may become preoccupied with their partner or emotionally dependent upon them. In this case, a teen’s self-esteem may depend on their LO’s approval, or they might fear being rejected or abandoned by them, which may lead to behaviors like people-pleasing.6 People-pleasing in this context might look like transforming behaviors or appearance to fit what someone believes a crush would want.
Neurodivergence
Neurodivergent teens, such as those with ADHD, may experience limerence more intensely due to rejection sensitivity, emotional dysregulation, and hyperfocus. This may manifest in the intrusive romantic thoughts adolescents with limerence experience.7
Social Media Use
With up to 95% of teens being active online, social media often plays a central role in their daily lives.8 However, constant access to a crush’s online presence (messages, photos, profiles, and “likes”) can fuel rumination, making it more difficult to maintain emotional boundaries.4
In addition, certain personality traits, such as perfectionism, may also leave a teen more prone to limerence. This may be due to rejection or failure fears, or the need for validation from someone they see as “perfect.”
Now that we have explored the risk factors that make teens more vulnerable to limerence, the next section will cover the signs of limerence.
Signs of Limerence in Teens
Limerence can make concentrating on anything other than the LO feel impossible. This is why recognizing the signs of limerence in teens is vital – so that adolescents can get the support they need.
Some of the most common signs of limerence include:4,9,10
- Experiencing mood swings, for instance:
- Reassurance and euphoria after a positive experience with the LO
- Feeling calmer when they are in close contact with the LO
- Feeling irritable, hopeless, or depressed when not around the LO
- Fearing rejection or neglect
- Ruminating over interactions with the LO
- Intrusive, obsessive thoughts about a crush
- Fantasizing about their LO
- Wanting to be close to their LO and feeling lonely when they aren’t there
- Repetitive behaviors like re-reading messages from the LO or checking their social media pages
- Seeing the LO as “perfect” and “flawless” (idealization)
- Sacrificing their own needs to meet the needs of LO
- Adolescent crush anxiety
- Difficulty concentrating on anything or anyone other than the LO
- Sleep disturbances
If any of the above signs resonate with your teen, they may be experiencing limerence rather than “just a teenage crush.”
Before investigating coping strategies and support options, it may be enlightening to look at the impact limerence can have on an adolescent’s life.
How Limerence Can Affect a Teen’s Daily Life
Although the early stages of limerence in teens may bring feelings of euphoria or excitement, the downsides often outweigh the initial positives. As we now know, limerence is not a typical crush; it is an all-consuming state marked by intense, hard-to-control focus. For many teens, this may affect academic work, friendships, emotional well-being, self-esteem, and even physical health.
Teens may find their focus on an LO to the extent that they struggle to concentrate. So it may be worth considering is a crush affecting schoolwork negatively. Equally, the impact of limerence on social life may be harmful for some teenagers as they spend more time and energy on their LO. This increases the risk of the social withdrawal limerence is typically associated with.
Furthermore, limerence is often linked with low self-esteem, particularly when a teen’s sense of self-worth becomes tied to whether their feelings are reciprocated by their crush.
Emotional well-being can also be affected by mood shifts depending on contact or perceived closeness to their LO. This emotional dependency in teens may cause someone to feel happy, sad, anxious, or low based solely on their relationship. Over time, this emotional strain may show up physically through sleep problems, appetite changes, nausea, or heart palpitations.
As may be evident, this type of romantic obsession in adolescents can be detrimental to their mental, emotional, and social health. However, there are practical coping strategies that can help, which are explored next.
Coping Strategies for Teens Experiencing Limerence
If you’re a teen dealing with limerence, the first thing to know is this: There is nothing “wrong” with you. Intense crushes may feel overwhelming, but there are ways to make them more manageable and help you feel in control. If you are looking for suggestions, check out some of the practical emotional regulation strategies limerence responds to below:
Naming the Feeling:
Instead of focusing solely on your crush, try to name what you are feeling. Is it boredom, loneliness, anxiety, reassurance, or something else? Naming the emotion can help reduce its intensity and help you respond to yourself more compassionately.
Noticing Patterns:
You may notice certain patterns occurring, such as limerence getting stronger at night, when you’re stressed, or after seeing your crush online. Recognizing these patterns may help you make changes or build buffers around times when intense feelings may spike.
Create Boundaries:
Boundaries are important in relationships, especially when managing infatuation and emotions. If you’re constantly checking messages or social media, your brain isn’t getting a break from the other person and can end up stuck in a loop. To give yourself space, you might consider muting notifications, limiting social media checking, or pausing before texting to give your brain a break. These can help you put in place the healthy boundaries romantic obsession frequently requires to move forward.
Redirect Your Attention:
When in the throes of limerence, all of your attention becomes laser-focused on one person, and it can feel difficult to try to stop thinking about your crush. Instead, it may feel more helpful to purposefully redirect your attention to something else that really draws you in. For instance:
- Spending time with friends
- Trying to beat that final-level “boss” you’ve struggled with in your favourite game for so long
- Creative projects like arts, music, crafts, or puzzles
- Doing something active, like dancing, walking, or stretching
Diving into engaging activities can help interrupt rumination and give your brain something else enjoyable to latch onto.
Mindfulness for Romantic Obsession:
When intrusive thoughts hit and begin to spiral, mindfulness and grounding exercises can help bring your mind back into the present moment.
One simple technique is the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise: name five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste.
For more ideas, take a look at our pages on Grounding Techniques for Teens and Mindfulness Activities for Teens With ADHD.
Talk to Someone You Trust:
Sometimes, limerence and the negative emotions it brings can feel overwhelming. Know that you don’t have to tackle this alone – it’s a strength to know when to look for help. You could confide in a trusted friend, parent, school counsellor, or therapist to help you feel supported during this time.
It’s important to remember that the strong feelings of limerence don’t define you, and they don’t last forever. Equally, coping doesn’t mean “getting over it” overnight – it’s a process. With the right tools and support, limerence can soften, making space for calmer emotions, a clearer mind, and healthier connections.
Therapy for Obsessive Teen Crush
If limerence is causing your teen persistent distress, impacting their daily activities, or causing anxiety or depressive symptoms, seeking professional help may be an appropriate option. While it is not currently defined as a mental health condition, therapy can help by providing emotional support for teens limerence.
The following approaches may be useful in helping your teen recover from limerence:
- Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): CBT for teen limerence usually involves a therapist helping your teen recognize what keeps them in a state of limerence. They can then develop strategies to challenge unhelpful thoughts and behaviors, allowing them to heal. In particular, exposure and response prevention (ERP) could be effective for treating the obsessional nature of limerence.11
- Attachment-based therapy (ABT): As limerence can develop from anxious attachments, ABT can help build secure attachments, improve communication, and enhance self-worth.
- Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT): DBT can teach a teen how to manage and cope with limerent feelings, such as anxiety and distress, and improve their interpersonal skills.
Healing Limerence With Mission Prep
Limerence may feel overwhelming, especially during adolescence, but can often ease with time and the right support. If you recognize the signs of limerence in your teen, remember that your family doesn’t have to struggle alone: we are here to support you.
At Mission Prep, we specialize in helping teens navigate emotional challenges through a variety of therapeutic options, including CBT, ERP, and DBT. Whether you’re seeking intensive support, outpatient options, or virtual therapy programs, we provide a compassionate space where your teen can heal.
Reach out to us today to discover how our team can help your teen create the healthier, fulfilling connections they deserve.
References
- American Psychological Association (APA). (2018, April 19). Limerence. APA Dictionary of Psychology. https://dictionary.apa.org/limerence
- Tennov, D. (1979). Love and limerence: The experience of being in love. New York, NY: Scarborough House.
- Verhulst, J. (1984). Limerence: Notes on the nature and function of passionate love. Psychoanalysis & Contemporary Thought, 7(3), 417–447.
- Duke, N. (2024, August 29). Is it love or limerence? Here’s how to tell the difference. Cleveland Clinic. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/limerence
- Bradbury, P., Short, E., & Bleakley, P. (2024). Limerence, Hidden Obsession, Fixation, and Rumination: A Scoping Review of Human behaviour. Journal of Police and Criminal Psychology, 40(2), 417–426. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11896-024-09674-x
- Wolf, N. R. (2017). Investigating limerence: Predictors of limerence, measure validation, and goal progress (Doctoral dissertation, University of Maryland, College Park).
- The Attachment Project. (2025, June 3). ADHD and limerence: How they influence love and relationships. https://www.attachmentproject.com/love/limerence/adhd/
- American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP). (2023, October). Policy Statement on the Impact of Social Media on Youth Mental Health. https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Policy_Statements/2023/Social_Media_Youth_Mental_Health.aspx
- Haghighi, A. S. (2024, January 24). What to know about limerence. Medical News Today. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/limerence
- Drescher, A. (2024, February 6). What is limerence and how do you overcome it? Simply Psychology. https://www.simplypsychology.org/limerence.html
- Wyant, B. E. (2021). Treatment of limerence using a Cognitive Behavioral approach: a case study. Journal of Patient Experience, 8. https://doi.org/10.1177/23743735211060812
