The Link Between Limerence: and Anxiety or Depression in Adolescents
For many adolescents, a crush can feel exciting. But when thoughts become constant, and emotions shift, it may also affect well-being. Limerence can feel like an obsessive love, leaving teens on edge and unable to focus.
Limerence and anxiety in teens are often closely linked, especially when infatuation fuels uncertainty or a fear of rejection creeps in. On top of this, limerence can lead to intense emotional highs and lows, raising concerns about teen limerence mental health.
Understanding the connection between limerence and anxiety or depression can help parents recognize when extra support may be needed for their teen. But if you’re unsure and are concerned about your teen’s well-being, a mental health professional can offer reassurance and guidance.
This article can also help you better understand this link and the available support options by exploring:
- What limerence is
- The link between limerence and anxiety
- What connects limerence and depression
- Coping strategies for adolescents
- How parents can support teens
- Therapy for limerence
- Where to find professional support
Understanding Limerence
Limerence describes an involuntary, complex state of mind characterized by intense love with a craving for reciprocation. The term “limerence” was first defined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov as “an intense romantic obsession with another person” (often known as the “limerent object” or LO).1,2 This obsession can become so powerful that it interferes with relationships, mental health, and the ability to carry out everyday activities.
But first, to better understand if this is something that your teen experiences, it may be important to recognize the signs.
Signs of Limerence
Limerence is often characterized by intrusive thoughts, emotional dependency, and an extreme need for feelings to be reciprocated by the LO. In a teen’s daily life, this might look like:3,4
- Obsessive thoughts about a crush
- Excessive time spent fantasizing about time spent with a crush
- Mood shifts based on the LO’s perceived reciprocation
- Fear of being rejected by the LO
- Re-reading messages from their crush
- Compulsively checking their love interest’s social media pages
- Overanalyzing interactions with the LO
- Idealizing their crush (seeing them as being “perfect” or “flawless”)
- Putting aside their own needs to prioritize the LO
- Difficulty focusing on anything other than their crush
In fact, a teen’s entire day may be filled with thoughts of the LO and the emotional highs and lows teen limerence brings.
Now that we understand how intense and pervasive limerence may be, you may be wondering what makes adolescents more vulnerable to developing limerence.
The Adolescent Brain and Limerence
Although limerence can happen to anyone given the right circumstances, several factors may make people more susceptible, such as brain chemistry, attachment styles, and social media use.
When it comes to teenagers, brain chemistry plays a key role in explaining vulnerability. In teenagers, the reward system is developed and sensitive to dopamine (the “happy hormone”). When you add hormonal shifts during puberty to this brain chemistry, a “perfect storm” for limerence may be created. This is because the dopamine “rush” triggered by a romantic attraction can bring about a feeling of euphoria. When this is combined with oxytocin (the “love” chemical), the reaction can feel like a natural “high.”
Unfortunately, the adolescent brain isn’t equally as developed in terms of impulse control and managing emotions, hence things can quickly spiral out of control. The dopamine “hit” can feel irresistible, and the brain may seek out the experience again and again, potentially turning a harmless crush into a romantic obsession.5
Unfortunately, when “puppy love” becomes limerence, it can negatively affect a teen’s mental health, with studies showing limerence is often connected with anxiety and depression.6
In light of this, the following sections explore the links between depression, limerence, and anxiety in teens.
The Connection Between Limerence And Anxiety In Teens
Anxiety often accompanies limerence, manifesting as intrusive thoughts, rumination, hyper-vigilance, or social anxiety.6 Let’s take a closer look at these issues in more detail.
Intrusive Thoughts
Intrusive thoughts are those that come to mind unbidden and stick around obsessively. For teens experiencing anxiety from obsessive crush, these thoughts may look like daydreaming or fantasizing about future conversations or dates with the LO. They may also take the form of “what if” worries, such as What if they don’t like me or What if they’re talking about me? The obsessive nature of intrusive thoughts can make it difficult to concentrate on anything other than the crush.
Rumination
Rumination is the repetitive cycle of thinking about something to understand or solve it, but unfortunately, not reaching a solution. For instance, a teen may replay recent interactions with their LO, agonizing over what their crush said the last time they spoke. Alternatively, they may overanalyze small gestures, searching for clues or hidden meaning as proof their crush liked them back.
Social media and near-constant access to the internet can also make it easier for this type of behavior to occur. For example, a teen may spend hours examining their crush’s profile page in an attempt to feel more “certain” about feelings.5
Free-Floating Anxiety
Hyper-vigilance and “free-floating” anxiety are also associated with the stress from intense teen infatuation. This feeling of constant anxiousness is usually driven by uncertainty over the LO’s feelings. Over time, these patterns may lead to physical stress responses, like heart palpitations, poor sleep, nausea, or headaches. To alleviate anxiety, limerent adolescents may become hypervigilant: scanning for responses from their crush or compulsively checking their LO’s social media to try and feel more “certain”.
Social Anxiety
Teen limerence and social anxiety typically go together. This often happens because more time and energy are given to the LO, leaving less space for friendships. Additionally, adolescents may worry about what their peers would think if they knew about the limerence, and purposefully avoid them.
Limerence And Depression In Adolescents
It can be common for people to experience depression symptoms related to limerence.6 Low moods may be triggered by uncertainty over whether the LO reciprocates their feelings. Not only that, but after the euphoria of perceived positive attention that comes with new love, rejection or distance from a crush may hit very hard. This can lead to despair and the romantic obsession depression teens feel so intensely.
These emotional crashes may show up as feelings of worthlessness, sadness, or hopelessness when, for instance, the LO doesn’t message them back after they’ve shared a positive interaction.
Moreover, loneliness may set in if a teen has become socially withdrawn or isolated due to limerence. They may even feel ashamed of their feelings or behaviors and be reluctant to reach out for support, even if they want it.
Finally, a teen may feel heartbroken when they realize the LO they thought was “perfect” turns out not to be.
These examples show how impactful teen limerence can be. Yet, there are ways to manage and recover from limerence. The following sections will explore practical coping strategies for teens and how parents can support them.
Coping Strategies for Limerence and Mental Health in Teens
Living with limerence can make everyday life feel much harder than it should. While you may not be able to turn off these feelings as instantly as you may turn off a light switch, there are ways to make them more manageable.
Sometimes, it starts with just getting through the day. Limerence can make it feel impossible to concentrate on anything other than your crush. However, breaking your time into small chunks may help when things feel overwhelming. For instance, you could try focusing only on your immediate activities, such as your next class or getting through lunch with your friends. This could make achieving tasks feel more manageable.
Naming what you feel when emotions get intense can also help. Anxiety, excitement, loneliness, or sadness may all seem to blur into one big feeling, but putting words to the emotions can help reduce their intensity. It can also help you see what you really need at that moment, allowing you to ease emotions without resorting to thinking about a crush.
Furthermore, setting “thinking limits” may help keep obsessive thoughts under control. A suggestion might be setting aside a short “thinking window” of ten minutes to spend on your crush. Once the timer goes off, you could then redirect your attention to something else you enjoy, like gaming.
Remember to support your basic mental health needs, as anxiety and low mood linked to limerence may feel even worse if you’re exhausted or have forgotten to eat. Things like sleep, eating regular meals, and having a routine can have a positive impact on how you feel.
Finally, know that you don’t have to deal with this alone. Talking to a trusted adult – whether this is a parent, school counsellor, or therapist – can help you learn new ways to cope with limerence.
How Parents Can Support Teens
Parents play a crucial role when helping teens understand and manage big romantic feelings without causing feelings of panic or shame. Some suggestions of ways to support your teen may include:
- Normalizing the emotion: Showing that you understand how intense your teen’s feelings are can help validate their emotional experience. For example, you might say something like “Strong feelings can feel exciting and overwhelming at the same time. How are you feeling about it?”
- Open communication: Listening calmly without judgment and asking questions shows your teen you are interested in them and may help your teen feel safe enough to open up about what they’re going through. Equally, it’s important to try to resist the urge to minimize how they’re feeling (for instance, by avoiding saying things like “it’s just puppy love, you’ll get over it”).
- Avoid engaging in limerence behaviors: Encouraging or engaging with your teen’s limerence behaviors, such as analyzing texts from the LO, may unintentionally feed into their rumination spiral.
- Finding balance: Balance may feel tricky for a teen with limerence, as they are so focused on the LO. To counteract this, you may consider encouraging them to spend time with friends or pick up a hobby they usually enjoy.
- Setting boundaries: You may choose to set gentle boundaries for the family around screen time or social media to encourage your teen to take breaks from compulsive scrolling. For instance, you could decide to have no phones at the dinner table.
Finding ways to support a teen with limerence and modeling healthy behaviors can help them make positive changes in their life. But sometimes, limerence may feel too overwhelming for a teen. This is when seeking professional help may enter the conversation.
Therapy for Limerence-Related Anxiety or Depression
Seeing your teen dealing with anxiety or depression can be heartbreaking. Yet sometimes it may be reassuring to find that these issues stem from limerence because it becomes easier to seek appropriate support.
Some of the common signs that a teen may benefit from professional support for limerence may look like:
- Persistent anxiety
- Low mood
- Withdrawal from friends and family
- Irritability or distress
- Difficulties with self-esteem related to a crush
- Persistent rumination
- A crush interfering with school
- Risky behaviors, such as self-harm
Mission Prep: Supporting Teens With Limerence and Their Mental Health
Experiencing limerence can feel challenging, but with the right support and treatment, it is manageable. When your teen’s well-being is affected by a romantic obsession, know that we are here to support you.
At Mission Prep, we understand that limerence can affect adolescent mental health. That’s why we offer a range of programs using evidence-based therapies designed to help teens handle emotional challenges like limerence, anxiety, and depression.
Contact us today to learn more about how we can support you and your family.
References
- American Psychological Association (APA). (2018, April 19). Limerence. APA Dictionary of Psychology. https://dictionary.apa.org/limerence
- Tennov, D. (1979). Love and limerence: The experience of being in love. New York, NY: Scarborough House.
- Duke, N. (2024, August 29). Is it love or limerence? Here’s how to tell the difference. Cleveland Clinic. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/limerence
- Drescher, A. (2024, February 6). What is limerence and how do you overcome it? Simply Psychology. https://www.simplypsychology.org/limerence.html
- Bradbury, P., Short, E., & Bleakley, P. (2024). Limerence, Hidden Obsession, Fixation, and Rumination: A Scoping Review of Human behaviour. Journal of Police and Criminal Psychology, 40(2), 417–426. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11896-024-09674-x
- Willmott, L., & Bentley, E. (2015). Exploring the Lived-Experience of Limerence: A Journey toward Authenticity. The Qualitative Report. https://doi.org/10.46743/2160-3715/2015.1420
- Wyant, B. E. (2021). Treatment of limerence using a Cognitive Behavioral approach: a case study. Journal of Patient Experience, 8. https://doi.org/10.1177/23743735211060812
- Mental Health Hotline. (2026, January 2). Understanding limerence in therapy: What it is, how it affects us, and how therapy can help. https://mentalhealthhotline.org/understanding-limerence-in-therapy/
