Coping With Limerence in Teens: Ways Teens Can Manage an Obsessive Crush
Crushes are often a normal part of adolescence, but, for some teens, they can feel overwhelming, all-consuming, and obsessive. If your usually level-headed teen has become distant or preoccupied by a romantic interest, they may be experiencing limerence rather than just “a teenage crush”.
Limerence – an intense romantic obsession – can feel exhausting for many teens, often leaving them with a deep sense of shame or being “out of control.” Yet, with the right support and coping skills, teens can begin to regain emotional stability.
If you suspect that your teen has limerence, compassion and professional support can go a long way towards helping them achieve balance. This guide can also help, as it offers practical advice on coping with limerence in teens, covering:
- The challenge of managing an obsessive crush in teens
- Short-term coping skills for limerence
- Emotional regulation for teen romantic obsession
- Ways of shifting the focus back to yourself
- How to set healthy boundaries
- The role of support
- Where to find professional help
The Challenge of Managing Obsessive Crush in Adolescents
“Limerence” refers to an intense romantic obsession characterized by a craving for reciprocation and emotional dependence on how the other person (the “limerent object” or “LO”) responds.1
Intrusive thoughts, daydreams, and mood swings focused on the LO are all common signs of limerence. And while limerence isn’t classed as a mental health condition, its impact on teens can be harmful. The emotional intensity can feel exhausting and overwhelming, with limerence having the potential to affect schoolwork, friendships, and mental health.
But what makes teens so sensitive to limerence?
Why Teens May Be More Sensitive to Limerence
While limerence can be experienced by anyone (given the right circumstances), teens may be more vulnerable to experiencing it due to their brain development, identity formation, inexperience with romance, and heightened sensitivity to rejection.
During adolescence, teens experience emotions with a brain that is still developing the ability to manage them. The parts of their brains linked to emotions and rewards develop earlier than the areas responsible for impulse control and emotional regulation. This means feelings may arrive quickly while regulation skills are still catching up.2
At the same time, the teenage years are a critical period for identity-building. Teens are discovering who they are, where they belong, and how they are seen by others, especially as peer relationships become more important.2 In light of this, an obsessive crush may begin to feel personal, as though being noticed or rejected by the other person says something important about their worth.
Also, first experiences with romantic attraction can make a teen feel more vulnerable, as they have no “point of reference” to reassure themselves that intense emotions can come and go.
Social comparison, as often happens through social media use, can also intensify limerence by keeping the crush mentally present all day long.3
Signs of Limerence
Some of the key signs of limerence in teens include:3,4
- Euphoria and reassurance after a positive encounter with the LO
- Ruminative, intrusive thoughts, or daydreams about the LO
- Repetitive behaviors like checking social media pages or texts from the LO
- Irritability, depression, or feelings of hopelessness when away from the LO
- Anxiety over uncertainty about how the LO feels about them
- Constant need for closeness or interaction with the LO
- Seeing the LO as “perfect” (idealization)
- Fearing rejection from the LO
If these signs resonate with your teen, they may be experiencing limerence.
Teen mental health and limerence coping isn’t about “turning off feelings.” Instead, it’s about learning to live alongside them safely. Once limerence is recognized, the focus can begin to shift from “Why is this happening to me?” to “What can help me get through the day?”
The following sections offer practical suggestions for short-term coping tools, emotional regulation strategies, how to shift focus, and exploring healthy boundaries for coping with limerence in teens.
Short-Term Coping Tools for Romantic Obsession
When limerence is intense, getting through the day can feel exhausting, especially when you’re constantly interrupted by thoughts about your crush. If you’re wondering how teens can manage limerence day to day, you may find the following short-term strategies useful. The goal here isn’t to stop the thoughts from occurring completely, but to make the day feel more manageable.
Intrusive Thoughts
One of the useful coping strategies for obsessive crushes is thought postponement, which is sometimes called a “worry window.” This means that instead of following every thought about your crush as it pops up, you set aside a time later in the day to think or journal about them. Then, when thoughts crop up about them during the day, you can gently tell yourself, Not right now. I’ll think about this later. This helps reduce constant mental checking.
Another helpful technique is to name the thoughts. By silently labelling a thought as “limerence thinking” or “obsessive thoughts,” you can create some distance between the thoughts and yourself. Thoughts are not facts or instructions you have to follow. They are simply thoughts.
Distractions
Studies show that positive distractions can actually help reduce rumination, as long as the activity is engaging enough to shift focus and attention.5 For instance, you might want to try watching a movie, going for a walk, playing a game, learning an instrument, or doing arts and crafts. Anything that you can be completely immersed in – and that is healthy – may be helpful distraction techniques teen limerence responds to.
One quick note on the subject of distractions: Many teens resort to passive scrolling on the internet for relief, but this often backfires. Social media may increase comparison and checking behaviors, making obsessive thoughts worse.
Instant Grounding
Grounding techniques can help redirect your thoughts or “snap” you back into the present moment and what’s happening right here, right now. They typically work by using your five senses to bring your focus into the present.6
For instance, when you find yourself swept up in obsessive thoughts about your crush, you might try splashing cold water on your face, holding an ice cube, or stepping outside into cool air. Other grounding exercises, such as naming five things you can see of a certain color, can also help pull your attention back to the present. For more ideas, take a look at our page, Grounding Techniques for Teens.
While short-term tools can help reduce immediate overwhelm, longer-term coping involves learning how to regulate emotions rather than becoming ruled by them.
Emotional Regulation for Teen Limerence
Limerence can make emotions feel loud, fast, and urgent. Coping with limerence in teens isn’t about shutting down feelings; it’s about understanding them and choosing how to respond, rather than feeling “forced” to act.
The key principle here is that emotions are just information, not instructions. This means that intense feelings don’t require intense actions. For example, feeling desperate to text your crush doesn’t mean you have to. Or, feeling anxious doesn’t require scrolling social media to “fix” it. This is where mindful thinking and emotional control come in, allowing you to notice feelings without letting them make decisions for you.
One simple yet powerful technique is naming emotions. Identifying the specific feeling (for instance, “anxious,” “disappointed,” “lonely,” and so on) can help you respond intentionally instead of reacting automatically.7 For example, if you feel anxious, you may try a breathing exercise or use positive distraction rather than immediately messaging your crush.
Another useful tool is called “urge surfing.” Strong feelings tend to rise, peak, and fall, even if they feel sudden. By pausing, taking a breath, and letting the emotional wave pass, the emotional intensity often eases.8 This is an example of mindfulness exercises for teen limerence.
By having a toolkit ready to build up your emotional regulation skills, you can learn how to better manage your emotions and stop them from taking over your entire day. This means that it can become easier to shift attention back to yourself, rather than just focusing on your crush.
Shifting Focus Back to Yourself
Limerence has a way of making the world feel very small. This is because when all of your attention is focused on one specific person, it’s easy to lose touch with your interests and lose confidence.
Focusing on yourself instead of your crush is a key part of widening your world again when coping with limerence in teens. Therefore, you may find the following suggestions on how to refocus on yourself helpful:
- Reconnect with what matters to you: Limerence can narrow your attention down to one person, whereas recovery widens it. It can be helpful to spend some time on activities that you enjoy and that feel meaningful to you, whether that’s creativity, learning a language, or sports.
- Build skills without pressure: Building skills, such as cooking, drawing, or playing music, can help build confidence and is a form of self-care while experiencing limerence.
- Create identity reminders: If you find it difficult to remember who you are outside of this intense feeling, you could try writing down reminders to help ground you when emotions feel too big to handle. For example, you might write “My worth isn’t decided by one person” or “I am more than my crush.”
- Notice small wins: Each moment that you spend investing in yourself helps with building resilience during infatuation and takes back time from limerence.
Focusing on yourself won’t necessarily make the feelings disappear overnight, but it can help you feel stronger again. Plus, alongside reconnecting with themselves, teens often need help learning what healthy boundaries look like in early relationships.
Healthy Boundaries in Teen Relationships
Boundaries are important in relationships of any type, especially when coping with limerence in teens. Wanting your own space, setting limits, or needing balance doesn’t mean you care any less about someone. Having healthy boundaries simply means that you’re taking care of yourself, too.
You may want to think about what healthy boundaries look like or explore what things are important to you when putting your boundary rules in place. For instance, you may want to consider:
- Limiting checking behaviors, such as repeatedly going on social media to check up on your crush
- Taking a break from following your crush on social media altogether
- Reducing asking for reassurance from your crush
- Deciding which hobbies, interests, or clubs are important for you to pursue, separate from your love interest
- Prioritizing self-care and alone time (because you matter, too)
Healthy boundaries can help stop obsessive feelings from taking over and support calmer connections as well as a stronger sense of self. Yet, sometimes, even with strong coping skills, limerence can feel too heavy to manage alone. That’s where external support matters.
Support for Teen Limerence
Limerence can feel confusing, intense, and lonely. This is why it’s important to know when to seek extra support, such as from:
- A trusted parent or adult
- School counsellors
- Support groups for teen emotional regulation
- Counseling strategies for teen infatuation, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), or mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT)
With the right support and coping strategies, limerence can fade, making space for healthier and more fulfilling connections.
Mission Prep: You Don’t Have to Manage Limerence Alone
Limerence can make life feel overwhelming, but it can be managed effectively with the right support. If you are concerned that your teen may be experiencing limerence, know that you don’t have to support them alone: We are here to help.
Mission Prep specializes in helping teens handle emotional challenges like limerence. We offer a range of treatment programs designed to provide compassionate care and evidence-based therapies to support teens while recovering.
We also recognize that cost can be a concern for many people when it comes to treatment for mental health. This is why we are in-network with many providers and offer free insurance verification. We also accept private pay options and financing plans, as well as offer sliding scale fees based on financial need.
Taking the first step is often the hardest, but it is also the most important. Reach out to us today to learn more about our services and start the journey toward healing.
References
- American Psychological Association (APA). (2018, April 19). Limerence. APA Dictionary of Psychology. https://dictionary.apa.org/limerence
- National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). (2023). The Teen Brain: 7 Things to Know. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/the-teen-brain-7-things-to-know
- Duke, N. (2024, August 29). Is it love or limerence? Here’s how to tell the difference. Cleveland Clinic. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/limerence
- Haghighi, A. S. (2024, January 24). What to know about limerence. Medical News Today. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/limerence
- Hilt, L. M., & Pollak, S. D. (2012). Getting Out of Rumination: Comparison of three brief interventions in a sample of youth. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, 40(7), 1157–1165. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10802-012-9638-3
- Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance. (2025, September 23). Ten grounding strategies to help you redirect your thoughts https://www.dbsalliance.org/support/young-adults/ten-grounding-strategies-to-help-you-redirect-your-thoughts/
- Ackerman, C. E., MA. (2025, July 11). 21 DBT Emotional Regulation Skills & worksheets. PositivePsychology.com. https://positivepsychology.com/emotion-regulation-worksheets-strategies-dbt-skills/
- Singh, N. N., Lancioni, G. E., Karazsia, B. T., Myers, R. E., Kim, E., Chan, J., Jackman, M. M., McPherson, C. L., & Janson, M. (2018). Surfing the Urge: An informal mindfulness practice for the self-management of aggression by adolescents with autism spectrum disorder. Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science, 12, 170–177. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jcbs.2018.10.003
