How Limerence Affects Teen Mental Health
A crush can feel like an emotional whirlwind of excitement and possibilities. But intense, constant attention on one person, like when experiencing limerence, can influence school focus, friendships, and overall well-being.
Learning how limerence affects teen mental health can help parents and teens make better sense of their thoughts and feelings, as well as find ways to manage intense emotions safely.
If you are concerned about your teen’s well-being and think they may be experiencing limerence, a mental health professional is best placed to offer personalized guidance. This page can also help by exploring teen limerence and mental health, including:
- How to understand limerence
- The emotional impact of obsessive crushes in teens
- Limerence’s implications for school, friends, and functioning
- When a crush becomes a concern
- How parents can support limerent teens
- Therapy for romantic obsessions
- Where to find professional limerence support
Understanding Limerence
The term “limerence” was first described by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in her book Love and Limerence. It reflects a state of mind in which a person develops an intense romantic obsession with another person, who is often known as the “limerent object” or LO.1,2 This obsession can become so strong that it is detrimental to a person’s relationships, mental health, and ability to carry out everyday tasks.
Limerence is characterized by intrusive thoughts, daydreams, and mood swings that center around the LO.
However, adolescence is often a time of intense emotions, with many teens getting their first taste of romance or attraction. So, how do you tell limerence from love?
How Limerence Differs From Love
While limerence and love may both involve passionate feelings, there are key differences between the two, often related to the quality of the connection and the drive behind feelings. The following is a summary of these differences:
- Love: Grows over time and feels warm, deep, meaningful, safe, secure, caring, and emotionally stable.
- Limerence: Can develop suddenly, with thoughts of the LO taking up every waking moment. Rumination occurs, usually driven by fear of rejection. It can feel like being on an emotional rollercoaster.
Also, limerence follows a specific pattern consisting of five phases, which are:3
- Pre-limerence: The desire for a romantic connection, typically experiencing an initial “spark.”
- Pre-reciprocity: Intense infatuation for the LO develops.
- Reciprocity/rejection: The peak emotional stage where an LO will either reciprocate or reject the person.
- Gradual dissolution: Limerence fades or stops altogether.
- Post-limerence: The person either goes on to have a healthy relationship with their partner (former LO) or the relationship ends.
Why Teens May Be More Vulnerable to Limerence
Limerence isn’t a teen phenomenon – anyone can experience it, given the right circumstances. Yet some of the factors that may affect a person’s susceptibility to limerence, such as brain chemistry, attachment styles, and social media use, are often prevalent in teens.4
The adolescent brain is still developing in areas responsible for emotional regulation and impulse control. At the same time, the reward system is very sensitive, meaning a romantic attraction can trigger a dopamine rush. The resulting mismatch in maturity between these brain regions may make it feel impossible to step away from a crush.5
Attachment styles can also play a role in vulnerability to limerence, with people who are anxiously attached being more prone to limerence.6
On top of that, constant access to social media can make the LO impossible to escape, making it easy for a healthy interest to spiral into an obsessive crush.4
Before exploring how limerence affects teen mental health, it may be useful to know how to recognize the signs of limerence.
Signs of Limerence
Common signs of limerence may look like:4,7
- Mood swings that depend on interactions with the LO
- Intense rumination about a crush
- Obsessive thoughts about a crush
- Fearing rejection from the LO
- Repetitive behaviors like re-reading messages from the LO or checking their social media pages
- Seeing the LO as “perfect” or “flawless” (idealization)
- Sacrificing own needs for the LO
- Difficulty concentrating on anything or anyone other than the LO
If any of these signs are familiar to your teen, they may be experiencing limerence. What you may not realize is just how limerence affects teen mental health and overall quality of life.
Emotional Impact of Limerence in Teens
If you’re wondering how limerence affects teen mental health, this section may help. Limerence can take a heavy toll on a teen’s emotional health, with anxiety, low mood, and emotional wings being common experiences. We explore the varying effects below.
Anxiety and Obsessive Thoughts Teens May Experience
Anxiety commonly affects limerent teens, typically manifesting as constant worry while waiting for message replies, repeatedly checking their phone, or feeling unsure how their crush or LO feels about them. This persistent state of uncertainty may worsen the stress related to the romantic obsession teens can experience.
Many teens also deal with obsessive thinking and mental health issues, such as replaying conversations or scrutinizing messages. Over time, these patterns may lead to physical stress responses, like poor sleep, headaches, nausea, or a racing heart.
Depression and Limerence in Adolescents
Limerence is not the same as depression. However, it can contribute to low mood in adolescents. This is because teens may experience an emotional “crash” when their feelings are not reciprocated by the LO, triggering a cascade of sadness, hopelessness, loneliness, or emptiness.
If these feelings continue over time, they may have knock-on effects for a teen’s motivation and interest in hobbies. They could also lead to them withdrawing from their friends and family. When seen through this lens, it becomes easier to understand how romantic obsession and teen wellbeing are connected in a harmful way.
Mood Swings From Intense Crush
Mood swings are a typical hallmark of limerence. The emotional highs and lows teen limerence creates can feel intense, with seemingly insignificant interactions causing extreme excitement or deep despair. And, while it is true that the teenage years may naturally bring mood swings due to hormonal fluctuations, limerence-related shifts are often more intense and revolve around the LO.
The Effect on School, Friends, and Peer Dynamics
Having explored how limerence affects teen mental health, it’s also crucial to acknowledge the impact it can have on school, friendships, and peer relationships. We explore these effects in the following paragraphs.
School Performance Affected by Limerence
Schoolwork may begin to suffer when a teen experiences limerence. This is because a strong focus on crush affecting school or activities may make it extremely difficult to concentrate in lessons or complete homework. The cognitive impact of obsessive infatuation may show itself as missed assignments, a decline in grades, or getting reprimanded by teachers for not paying attention.
Social Withdrawal Teen Limerence
Limerence can also severely shrink a teen’s social life. When adolescents dedicate more time and energy toward their LO, friendships may unintentionally be pushed aside, leading to isolation and social withdrawal. This may look like cancelled plans or loss of interest in hanging out with their usual friends, so that they can have time and energy to spend on their crush. These shifts can affect peer relationships and emotional intensity, leaving teens feeling isolated.
Bullying or Peer Pressure and Crushes
Within wider peer groups, limerence may make teens more vulnerable to social stress. Some may face teasing, judgment, or rumours relating to their crush. Others may feel pressured to act in certain ways to try to fit in. Either way, bullying or peer pressure can lead to embarrassment, shame, or further social withdrawal.
Having discussed how limerence can affect a teen’s life, a question many parents have is “When should I be worried?”
When a Crush Becomes a Concern
Now that we have explored how limerence affects teen mental health, recognizing the signs that a teen may need extra support is vital. Below are some “red flags” to watch for that indicate your teen may be coping with an obsessive crush:
- A fixation causing a noticeable change in mood, anxiety, irritability, or distress
- Difficulties with self-esteem related to a crush
- Persistent rumination
- Sleep problems linked to an obsession
- Withdrawing from friends and family
- Obsessively checking messages and social media
- An obsessive crush interfering with school, relationships, or mental health
- Risky behaviors, including self-harm
If these signs feel familiar, your teen might benefit from some extra support. Fortunately, there are ways that parents can help their teens through this challenging time, as well as professional support options to help them recover.
How Parents Can Help
Parents often play a crucial role in helping teens make sense of and manage intense romantic feelings without causing feelings of shame or panic.
A helpful first step may be to normalize the emotion itself. For instance, you might show that you understand how intense their feelings are by saying something like “Strong feelings can be both exciting and overwhelming at the same time. Is that how it feels for you?” This can help validate your teens’ emotional experience.
At the same time, open and non-judgmental communication can make a real difference. By listening calmly and asking questions to show you are interested in how they feel, teens may feel safe enough to honestly discuss what they’re going through. Equally, it’s important to try to resist the urge to minimize how they’re feeling (for instance, by avoiding saying things like “It’s just a silly phase”).
Also, try not to engage in or encourage limerence behaviors, such as by analyzing their crush’s texts. Otherwise, it may unintentionally feed into your teen’s rumination.
Another way to help your teen is to support healthy coping for intense crushes. They may be struggling to find balance, so you might want to try encouraging them to spend time with other friends or make space for hobbies they enjoy. Further, parents could model healthy emotional regulation or set gentle boundaries for the entire family around screen time or social media (for example, no phones while eating breakfast or dinner).
Finding gentle ways to support a teen with limerence and modelling healthy behaviors can help them make positive changes in their life. But, sometimes, a teen’s limerence may feel too overwhelming for them to handle. This is when seeking extra support can be a positive step forward.
Therapy for Limerence
If limerence is affecting your teen’s well-being, professional help can make a real difference to the way they cope and move forward.
Therapies like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) support teens in recognizing obsessive thought patterns, what may be keeping them in a state of limerence, and developing healthier ways to respond to intense emotions. In particular, a type of CBT called “exposure and response prevention” (ERP) could be especially effective for treating limerence.8
Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) can also be useful in teaching teens how to improve emotional regulation and cope with limerent feelings, reducing overwhelm.
In more severe cases, such as when limerence causes distress or safety concerns, a more intensely structured form of support may be appropriate to consider. Residential programmes for teens offer a safe, supportive environment with 24/7 care, allowing them to focus on their healing while regaining emotional balance.
Mission Prep: Supporting Teens Through Limerence
Living with limerence can feel overwhelming, but it can be manageable with the right support and treatment. If you recognize the signs of limerence in your teen, remember that you don’t have to support them alone: We are here to help.
At Mission Prep, we specialize in helping teens handle emotional challenges. We offer a range of treatment programs designed to provide compassionate care, evidence-based therapies, and a safe, structured environment to support teens while recovering from limerence. Whether you’re seeking inpatient, outpatient, or virtual therapy programs, we create flexible, personalized treatment plans to fit into your busy schedule.
Taking the first step is often the hardest, but it is also the most important. Reach out to us today to learn more about our services and start the journey toward healing.
References
- American Psychological Association (APA). (2018, April 19). Limerence. APA Dictionary of Psychology. https://dictionary.apa.org/limerence
- Tennov, D. (1979). Love and limerence: The experience of being in love. New York, NY: Scarborough House.
- Verhulst, J. (1984). Limerence: Notes on the nature and function of passionate love. Psychoanalysis & Contemporary Thought, 7(3), 417–447.
- Duke, N. (2024, August 29). Is it love or limerence? Here’s how to tell the difference. Cleveland Clinic. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/limerence
- Bradbury, P., Short, E., & Bleakley, P. (2024). Limerence, Hidden Obsession, Fixation, and Rumination: A Scoping Review of Human Behaviour. Journal of Police and Criminal Psychology, 40(2), 417–426. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11896-024-09674-x
- Wolf, N. R. (2017). Investigating limerence: Predictors of limerence, measure validation, and goal progress (Doctoral dissertation, University of Maryland, College Park).
- Drescher, A. (2024, February 6). What is limerence and how do you overcome it? Simply Psychology. https://www.simplypsychology.org/limerence.html
- Wyant, B. E. (2021). Treatment of limerence using a Cognitive Behavioral approach: a case study. Journal of Patient Experience, 8. https://doi.org/10.1177/23743735211060812
