Limerence and Low Self-Esteem in Teens: Support for Teen Self-Worth and Romantic Obsession

While limerence and low self-esteem in teens often go hand-in-hand, this doesn’t mean recovery isn’t possible. Helping your teen through limerence involves a two-pronged approach: managing the intense infatuation and building more robust self-esteem. Some practical suggestions for managing infatuation and confidence in teens with limerence include:

Acknowledging and Validating Feelings: 

It’s important to acknowledge that your teen’s feelings are real and powerful because dismissing them could lead to teens feeling unable to ask for support if they need it.

Not Engaging in Limerent Behaviors: 

Following on from validating feelings, it’s important not to get involved in their obsessive behaviors. For instance, they may appear to be ruminating or asking your opinion on the “hidden meaning” of a text their LO sent. If this happens, you may try to acknowledge how they feel (whether that is anxious, excited, or low). Then, you might want to attempt gently guiding the conversation away from the crush to something else, such as what film to watch that evening or asking about a school project.  

Focusing on Internal Validation: 

In limerence, self-worth tends to become attached to the LO. To balance this, you could encourage your teen to pick up a hobby that boosts genuine self-esteem. For example, this may look like revisiting an old hobby they loved (such as playing the guitar) or learning a new skill (like making a lasagne from grandma’s secret recipe). This can be an extremely useful and practical way of boosting self-esteem while experiencing limerence. 

Trying Mindfulness and Grounding Techniques: 

Mindfulness helps you become aware of thoughts without feeling the need to act on them, interrupting obsessive thinking patterns effectively. You may choose to help your teen use mindfulness skills to better control their worries by walking through simple breathing exercises or grounding practices with them.¹⁰

Limiting Social Media and Comparison: 

It may be useful to talk with your teen about how social media often only shows us the “best” of someone else’s life, rather than a well-rounded view. Additionally, you could encourage them to take breaks from platforms that seem to fuel compulsive checking or cause low moods. 

Strategies like those mentioned above can help empower your teen in building resilience and developing a stronger sense of self that is completely separate from the LO. 

As we now understand, limerence can affect how stable a teen feels inside, especially when emotions run high. Sometimes, though, it may feel completely overwhelming. This is when professional support for teen self-worth and romantic obsession may be most appropriate, such as therapy.